Selena Gomez & The Scene - Who Says

Been loving this song lately.




MIRACLE.

So the room I'd be getting is actually a private for the same price! Everything thus far as fallen gracefully into place. I have much to be grateful for.

I made a mistake a couple of days ago. Okay. I make mistakes on a daily basis but this one is always a big deal when it happens. I almost couldn't take responsibility for my mistake because I knew the consequences could be ones that could make me sad. Pretty cowardly huh? And selfish. If I hadn't done it in the first place I wouldn't have put myself in such an awful spot. I couldn't fall asleep. Kept tossing and turning. Worrying. Crying. Praying. Hoping. Then could NOT take it anymore. I had to fix it right then. So I did to the best of my ability-then slept like a baby.
The torture we put ourselves through.

The last couple of days have been MORE torture, waiting to see what could happen, if things could be resolved. I don't know, but then another miracle happened. And I can't explain how these two things are related but I know because I tried to make right the thing I did wrong, that I was blessed with a visit from the girls who teach me from the ward. It might be hard to follow that connected dotted line, but I know if I hadn't tried to fix things THAT might not have happened. Just one of those things I know. They are interrelated.

It was amazing!
I've needed my visiting teachers to come (and I've received some motivation to go see my girls because of them), and I'm glad the girls that now have me, came by for a chat. We laughed and joked and told each other about our lives. They shared a message about womanhood with me - made me very happy and excited to BE a woman (LOVE) and left a feeling of happiness and love in their wake. So much so that I had one of those special moments where the tears you're crying were ones of thankfulness.

It's a new season.
And I'm working on a new attitude.
It's so sunny outside.

525

Heading to check out the apartment tonight around 7pm. I know it's a shared room, but I'm hoping I either feel really good about it, or that in the same complex there's a private room available with a private bathroom. I guess we'll see what happens. I'm starting to realize it may FINALLY be time to purchase a laptop.

Luckily I'll have a little cushion for starting out, and hopefully I get this summer job which will help me out a bunch- and the plan is to work through the summer and come up with a better game plan than Savannah's for the following school year. Trying to convince Joni to move with me.

Definitely feeling good about the change. Everyone has their time ya know? Now, it's mine and Really excited for the new season of my life to start.


"Who said, you said you're not worth it? Who said you're not perfect?"

524

"lipsticks the color of cherry candy"

523

Heels clicked and clacked and echoed through and through the silent street.
Rain, and I forgot my jacket.
It was then I realized, that this is my brown eyed universe.

522

Alright, this is going to be a right-hrrrrrr lengthy post. Or maybe it won't. I feel like its been an eon since I've actually jotted down anything substantial. Of course the word "substantial" probably suggests that this post will also be boring. Feel free to circum.....navigate yourself.

The last couple weeks have been beclouded.
A haze of ups and down frequented (much to much) by pushes towards the periphery of my own sanity. I'm not sure what's happened. Maybe sometime during my life little roots of ridiculousness took hold and have been secretly festering for years. Only now they aren't just festering. These little darlings have come into full (fool) bloom. The result: this new personality which very much resembles Captain Jack's Sparrows. You know the one I'm talking about. No balance, slurring of speak and what's the word? Oh yes, daftness.

I'm daft now.


Before Vegas I was some what better. At least things were holding together a little better. But once in Sin City all reason and normalcy fled which left me in a couple of interesting places: laughing hysterically while sitting on pharaohs lap in front of the Luxor, laughing hysterically over real grass within the grounds of Mandalay Bay, laughing hysterically while following a mysterious car down a dark alley without really realizing it, and laughing hysterically while frequenting every restroom in sight. Laughing hysterically was.. it.

Daftness I tell you. And it's sticking.
I can't remember what I did this last week.
I know school was in there somewhere.
My brain won't stay in my head.
I did my taxes last night with Daddy.
Oscar's up and running again.
Daddy took my car for a drive to see the way it runs now- he hated the music I had in my car.
It brought me back to Institute and how there should probably be some changes in that area.

I've been exhausted for the last couple of weeks. Been falling into a comma sleep every night, and naps whenever I can get them, yet have been waking up super early each morning. I don't really know what that is. I suppose it could be fatigue, or maybe I'm not working out enough, or maybe I'm starting to get sick. I don't really care, all it really means is that I've been working on my story a bunch,, avoiding things that have anything to do with school, watching lots of movies and spending more time than usual thinking. Or just thinking about thinking, because nothing's really coming into clear focus.

Bought a new perfume.
He loved it.

I think I'm supposed to play the waiting game.That's what this all keeps coming back to. Is that there's nothing I can do except be patient.That's hard when you're like me, and you know what you want all the time.Last night I had a crazy dream involving myself (lots of myself), a continental breakfast at the Mirage, and a gang. I've heard stranger things.

An intense note writing session throughout sacrament meeting today.
Made me very sad for the situation, but very happy for my own.

It rained a little.
And I've gained 5 lbs.
I know it's not a big deal.
I know it IS a big deal.

Rode on the back of Nate's bullet bike Friday afternoon.
Smiled wide the entire time.
Obsessing over pool and wanting to tables to turn for a little while.

I'M CONSTANT.
And that won't change, with the exception of one "unless", which I know will never happen.


It's Sunday today.
And it's been a pretty interesting day.
I'm ready for a different day.

521

am
4/15/11

“meadows stretched and liquefied
and poured into the ocean,
whose waves formed winged beasts that leapt
and fluttered into motion.

colours grew out of the ground
and spread into the sky
a watercolour world with rainbows
fifty stories high

great rocks rose to meet the stars
wishing a better view
the highest peaks were dusted white
each day, pristine and new

for everything a perfect place
a den, a hut, a hive
soon every thing the eye could see
came suddenly alive

sucker.fish.

Seriously? I think I want to start some kind of litany about the lamest inventions every put on the market. See this one was great because the commercial was.. well, you guys will just have to watch it. Absolutely stupidly brilliant. I'm sure this thing will make millions.