532 {sometimes}

Sometimes:

Sometimes your impulsive and decide to buy silverware that 1) has knives with NO serrated edges, and 2) when you didn't even bother to find out FIRST if you even HAD to buy silverware.

Sometimes you have to take an extra trip into town to make some returns.

Sometimes you think that the best way to break in your new shoes is to run 6 miles.

Sometimes you get "new shoe" blisters and kinda dislike that you made it 6 miles instead of a reasonable 3.

Sometimes instead of studying for an exam-that you have at 930am-you find yourself outside on the grass drooling whilst napping on a sun absorbent blanket with your canines.

Sometimes you wake and find that you just MISS someone. And you want someone to just sit and talk with about all the things that matter most to you.

Sometimes that means calling someone that you previously had decided to wait on, to call you back.

Sometimes that person answers, and you're happy for a moment.

Sometimes after several days of trying to make some major decisions in your life, you realize that you're about to be on the rag, and are in no shape what so ever to make rational decisions-as much as you might want to, or think that you can-

Sometimes you go and hang out with someone that's been a good experience in your life, and you're still pretty happy.

Sometimes that person pays you a compliment, the kind that matters most.

Sometimes you stay for a couple of hours chatting and watching YouTube videos, and even though you don't care about Zombies or gore you care about the person so you keep being animated and interested, but that's kind of the way you are.

Sometimes it gets late but you don't really want to leave, or stay, as much as you just want to RUN away and never look back.

Sometimes you linger and enjoy some affection with someone who taught you things like "smile and wave!" and you laugh hysterically because things get silly.

And sometimes you know you're pushing limits and that ultimately it will lead to a mistake.

Sometimes you make a mistake.

Sometimes you talk about it, wrap things up, set a date, then head on home to get a good nights sleep.

And sometimes before going to bed, to get things out of your head, you make some killer hot chocolate and lose yourself in Hulu Reality TV (something that involved cooking)

Sometimes it helps for a second.

Sometimes you remember you have a 930 exam that you STILL haven't really done much studying for, suddenly feel exhausted and head to bed.



Sometimes it's like this, a lot.

531

Nervous.

530

I really want him to enter his story in an upcoming contest.
And I really want MYSELF to enter it also.

I'm realizing (this is something I tend to realize over and over again depending on where I am in life) that I really don't have anything to lose by putting myself out there. But I might just have everything to gain.

I haven't received a call about the summer job I was planning on.
But I feel as though something else could be in the works (and truth be told I think the ending of this summer tradition will be one that's invigorating-hoping that by not working there maybe some of the "high school" that's still left in me will leave for good-what I mean is, I still feel stuck somewhere between 18-19. I just want to be a grown up)

Thinking about buying life insurance. Been looking at a couple different options and it's just such a good idea in this economy to start at a younger age. And I may have found one that's affordable for me. Pretty exciting stuff. And that sounds very grown up-which is what I'm going for. So I have a couple resumes to drop off at different places, and hopefully some money comes rolling in from all these contest I've entered (feeling really good about my chances)


Sighs.
Wanting to sell my car for some money also. Which reminds me, I need to get my bike serviced for summer. And someone at school wants to buy my charcoal final from me. They even said I should make some copies- that was pretty rad-not gonna lie. Thinking about what other things I can sell-work hopefully picks up, but I can't count on a commission job.


Wow. Life.

529 {another toast}

He told me he was "original". And I totally agreed.
And then he told me he "tried really hard" to BE original.
And yeah, I agreed again.

I'm writing about it, so obviously I've been thinking about it.
For a few minutes (later) I wondered if there was anything that made me original. I spun through likes and dislikes, what gets me going, what doesn't, my belief system-the things I know, the things I question.. it was then the thought stopped.

{{I realized I didn't care.}}

My every thought could line up with the other 7 billion people on the planet and it wouldn't bother me ( and I really believe it). I'm the opposite of Alex. He told me he was trying to find "his people". Eccentric, really different, whatever things about him make that way-or he thinks make him that way- and that he "couldn't find them". I don't think I actively search for "my people"-probably because I'm unoriginal and as far as I can tell (when it really comes down to it) most of the people I know, fit that description perfectly, hence, I have many people. And the plus is I don't have to "try hard" to "find them".

I think that's something awesome; that me and all my unoriginal friends can have an original time together without trying so hard.

So here's to be unoriginal, it changes lives.

528 {I would purposefully burn myself}

"Time is in neutral, but what we choose to do with it, is not"-MLK

Chiddy Bang "Old News"
There's a beat in this song that reverberates deep and through into my soul. It changes and uplifts. That good hurt. The kind you don't want to stop. Piano. Hot synthetic noise. I want to burst into tears every time it comes in.

"Sometimes I like to look into people's windows"
{HUGE pause}
"That sounded a lot worse than I wanted it to"
{Laugh hysterically}
"Smile and wave!"

I don't know how people get themselves into the situations they do, but I hope no matter where I am or what I'm doing and goodness-no matter WHO I'm with, that I'm not sitting next to someone whose losing their virginity right before my eyes. That's a little much. I don't care whose drunk and who isn't.

I took this class called "Adult Roles" in highschool. We talked about the "funnel of love". At the top you have the "infactuation stage"- the mushy gushy stage where you can't get your hands off of each other, after comes the "games playing and testing", and then... yeah I can't remember what comes next. But whatever does comes next-I'm there.

I skipped the game playing part. Try it out. It's better.
Not sure what's going to happen next.
Except that I'm moving out in just under 2 weeks! Hopefully we'll be able to get Ian's truck to move my twin bed (because I can't take my queen, it's going to hurt to leave it), and desk on over to the apartment. Everything else I'm sure I can fit in my car- and a lot of things I'm leaving behind for now. There's a little glitch in my plan, I'm pretty sure I didn't get the job at the pool-I didn't even get a call for an interview (they could be behind on getting a hold on people but I can't bank on it). So that puts a little hiccup in the throat of things. So time to start applying for more jobs. I'm still moving out.

We read a poem in English this morning called "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
It's about prolonging things that are inevitable and doing something versus doing nothing. We had an amazing discussion about how everyone has the ability to do something, but because of fear (everything goes back to fear) we choose to do nothing. And then about all the lost opportunities because of doing nothing. Several lines really struck me.

Mostly this one:

"Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?"

I really love that. The idea of forcing a moment to it's crisis. Maybe I align with it because I see that coming up in my own life.

"Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question....
..To say That is not what I meant at all
That is not it, at all"

A Fine Frenzy - Electric Twist

Strawberry banana smoothie for breakfast.
Sunglasses screw came loose the other day.
Rug burn.
I'd like her bangs.

Happy Easter.

527

Woke up around 7am after a fairly restless night. At about midnight last night I was feeling so antsy I leaped out of bed and danced with my headphones in until about 1, then settled down read some scriptures ( found some amazing ones) and then, finally, was sucked into sleep.

Went for a run/walk when I woke up. Feeling out of shape and haven't found time to get into the gym recently. Maybe I'll go for another run later this afternoon-after BABY ANIMAL DAYS! It was a good walk though, pretty brisk and not a lot of cars. I love running up on the milky way it's a nice open stretch with a lot of variation in incline.



IT'S HAPPENING!