345

The only ads I read that come in the Sunday paper, are the ones that are aesthetically pleasing {to me}. You know the ones I'm talking about right? The glossy ones. Yep. The only ones I give any notice to.

later


Alright, so I've been thinking about some things, goals, habits, that I'd like to pursue this year at school. And I guess I've come up with quite the list because I'm taking some time to jot everything down here.

Read scriptures every morning, daily prayer, temple at least once a month.


I'd like to make a goal to look my absolute best every single day. It's a pretty constant thing that I work on, but I'd really like to make an even more concentrated effort to ensure this happens. It would be too easy to simply roll out of bed in sweats to walk to my 730am MATH class every day, but I'm not going to let that happen! Every day, up, presentable, looking my best- because that's when I FEEL my best as well.

I will get enrolled in an Institute class within the first week of classes starting, and I will go every single time this semester. -unless I'm ill-

Within the first week of classes I will make a workout schedule for myself. At least an hour, every single day with the exception of Sunday. I do this anyways, but-a constant, routine schedule that will ensure that I have enough energy, get enough sleep, EAT healthy (because I always eat healthy if I'm exercising) and feel my best also. -unless I'm ill-

I'm going to join at least one club- and make it a point to go, attend, help out, etc when they need me, and when I'm able.

I'm going to try and make it to every activity possibly WITHIN my schedule with school and work. Dances, games, volunteer projects, poetry night, fry night, anything where you can meet people and make some new friends and memories.

I want to learn how to cook. So I'm going to aim for 1 actual meal every 2 weeks that I make from a recipe. And I mean a meal, not a dessert or snack.

I'm going to smile more. That's pretty general.

And that's all for now.

344

{buried. treasure.}

So I haven't spent some good quality time with my Hillside friends from Apt 12 in ages. Normally our bi-weekly fry night is held in town-the town-but THIS time it was in MY town, and Scott's (Knight) town.
It's been a while since I last spent time with friends in general. (minus my short magical camping trip um, last week. I'm not counting that because I see those girls all the time.)

I'm not sure why this is so.
I tried to think about it. I've been working heaps of hours. And I know I've kind of withdrawn. And I guess I'm not living in those apartments so it makes sense that I wouldn't see them often. But after tonight I'm starting to realize that should hardly be an excuse. I need more of these people in my life. {buried.treasure.}

Because they aren't like anyone else I know.
They do things differently.
Things are more relaxed.
They spend time together, the way I spend time with my family, or on my own after a long day.
Playing games, listening to music, catching up, just enjoying each others company.
Maybe that's why I'm just unbelievably comfortable when I step into their company. There's no pressure to be anything but who I am and just laugh! And I'm pretty good at that. Laughing I mean, and with THEM being who I am.

Plus there's always something new to try out in the fryer Scott received at Christmas this last year. Tonight on the menu was a fried pancake with an oreo in the middle. I was worried {I mean, you would be worried to right?}, I'm not gonna lie-but I trust Scott, so of course I took a bite and dare I say it.. it was delightful! And then we split another.

It was nice to catch up, talk about our lives, here some funny stories. He played the guitar and we talked about getting together for steaks with Jared sometime soon. I need to be spending more time with these people because I leave feeling uplifted and wanting to be better. Such amazing examples, and how lucky I am to know them.

{buried.treasure.}

Because every time I leave from spending time with them I feel as though I've left with something timeless and priceless.

343

So I'm checking out my school schedule for this semester, and it's a joke.
I mean, I just changed my major so I wasn't able to sign in for classes online on TIME... for any of the ones I ACTUALLY need. Mostly I'm going to be popping into each class hoping the professor will sign my little slip and let me stay.

But we'll see.
I just can't wait to get back into the hustle and bustle of campus. Meeting people, the dances, learning things, having a schedule to stick to, meeting people and.. the dances. CAN'T wait.
And hopefully this job works out and I LOVE it, because that would be grand.

Till' I find out if I snaggled it or not I'm still putting in some impressive hours at the pool, trying to find a time to go school shopping because I have.. nothing, and just doing what I do.

I just finished Catching Fire.

342

Tonight was one of the best nights I've ever had at work.
I don't know why.
And I'm good with that.

341

{Idiot}

Because I honestly handle conflict like a 4 year old. A glorified 4 year old. I AM 4 years old.

Call me 4 years old!! but I guess I feel less attached to someone if they're only a number in my phone {and other places} as opposed to an actual name. If your actual NAME is in my phone, then you're golden. As soon as I can't handle you anymore, or I'm too confused and tired that I can't begin to even THINK about handling things WITH you anymore, you're name is deleted and you'll show up as a number.

I'm not as attached to numbers as I am to actual names.
There doesn't have to be much feeling behind a number.
A number is empty and meaningless and does nothing negative to affect me.
If you're a number, you can't hurt me anymore.

He's been a number for a couple of weeks now. It's a defense mechanism. It's.. reTARDED. Today I acted like a prick at work. Why? It's not because I'm angry at him, or feeling bitter or resentful. It ISN'T. I don't have those types of feelings for ANYONE. Almost EVER. It's because I know this friendship is imbalanced. It's because I have always cared too much about him. And I always will if I continue to keep him as a close part of my life. I've tried. Again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again. Because I've been so AFRAID to just let it go. Like I'll lose something by walking away from this. Like I'll have regrets or second thoughts. Like it could all just be a BAD idea. It's not something I want to deal with anymore, it's not something I feel as though I should HAVE to deal with.

I only did nothing.
Which always feels worse than doing something.

I ignored him, walked away from him. Was openly avoiding him, not bothering to try and even disguise it. Prick. It's on my stupid forehead, but I don't know how else to deal with this. So I've been "cleansing". He's a number, he's blocked, he's ignored, he will be forgotten. I don't know if that's what I want yet or not, but I'm sick of feeling wishy washy so I'm just going to continue.

My life is so dramatic sometimes.
My new motto is "No Men, 2010". {Compliments of Karrie!}
And already the air feels a little less toxic, and I feel less frantic.




anyways.



I applied to be Physical Therapy Aid. I've never wanted a job so badly in my entire life. I WANT THIS. It's something I could see myself doing for a very long time, and the place that I love, surrounded by people I know and that support me in my health lifestyle goals. I can't see myself anywhere else, feeling as happy as I do at just the THOUGHT of getting this job. I NEED THIS.


So everyone cross your fingers for me.
School starts in a week.
New Zealand in October.
And yeah.

340 [that's what she said]

-sparks flying out of the fire-
"WOAH, right into my crotch!"
"... that's what she said"

-setting up camp-
"Hey, maybe you should get over here and help me pitch the tent"
"... that's what she said"

-about the tent poles-
"If you bend it, we can just bend it BACK in the morning"
"... that's what she said"

-about the tent-
"So, how many people can you fit in this?"
"They say 'eight'"
"Yeah right."
"I know, I'm thinking you could fit four comfortably"
"... that's what she said"

-as the night became later and colder-
"Should we move things inside?"
"... that's what she said"

-once we decided to move into the tent-
"You brought a DVD player?"
"Well yeah, it's just a tiny little thing!"
"... that's what she said"

-truck-
"We need to put this thing into 4Wheel drive and GO!'
"... that's what she said"

-morning dew-
"Why is it all wet?"
"That's what happens in the morning"
"... that's what she said"

-dance party-
"There's some boys biking around here"
"I'm pretty sure they saw us"
"... that's what she said"

- playing truth or day-
"I want you to know that I just videotaped that entire thing"
"... that's what she said"

- filling up the air mattress-
"Shouldn't this be getting bigger?"
"... that's what she said"

-about the fire-
"So I think we're almost out of wood"
"... that's what she said"

-about the camp chairs-
"Hey, move it a little to the left"
"... that's what she said"

-tinfoil dinners-
"Why is this taking so long?"
"... that's what she said"

-roasting hot dogs-
"You have to slowly rotate it, so you get the whole thing"
"... that's what she said"

-driving into the complex"
"You should pull in there and stop.
"... that's what she said"


{and that's only the beginning. it was a REALLY good weekend for camping with the girls.I.LOVE.THEM.}

[change is coming]