58

Ok. Well I sat up and chit chatted with daddy last night about.. well, my life and all the things I'm not sure about. I conversed with him about Alaska and he told me that he'd been thinking about that for me and said that he feels- as much fun as going to Alaska would be, since I have the drive to jump back into schooling and move forward with my educational goals that staying and doing that would be better idea.
I brought up the idea that no one was hiring me in the valley- and that I have no money to my name{ alright, that's exaggerated- but after signing up for my classes it will undoubtedly be the case} and he said that he and mum could help me out until I got a job, but I couldn't give up searching. That was a good enough answer for me so I emailed Marty to let him know that I wouldn't be going.
My stomach hurt, and I just feel bad about leaving it until now because it was such a process to get hired, and then he was counting on me to be there on the 5th of May. I feel bad for wasting his time, but when I applied I did so with every intention of going.

I hope I made the right choice.
And I hope that by trusting daddy everything will work out the way it's supposed to. Even if it's hard. I may be looking for a job the entire summer. I sure hope not. I really need the mula! And I realize that my parents know I'll pay them back- but being in debt by your parents is worse than some company {Not that I've ever owed anyone BUT my parents money}.

I don't know.
I just feel out of luck.
Sarah basically guaranteed that I could get a job at the greenhouse with her but now she's going back on it. She got her job, I guess that's all that matters.
So... now I gotta call Tony's Grove and start applying everywhere else I guess.

Ugh.
I feel like I already have.
And it's grossing me out.
Not to mention this whole process is really taking a hit on my self esteem.