Tuesday, March 31, 2009

37

36

I dreamt about Vampires last night.
I happened to be one. Was I blonde? Strawberry maybe? Something about having to find the gorgeous bright-eyed child...
Lots of red. And a man of mystery.

A lily white dream. Pleasurable. However, I can't recall the reason. I remember simpering in my sleep-slightly. The phone alarm peeled, harping the silence of my crepuscular bed of roses and I quickly pressed the "Snooze" button. Then frantically attempted to plunge back into that eloquent 'castle in the sky'. It never fully returned. My body was awake, waiting impatiently for the next series of chimes to mess up the soundless perfection of morning. Hmph.


Planet Fitness interview today at 3:15 pm. Fitness Planet- if only one existed.

I'm pleased that I received a call back, but I'm afraid to get my hopes up. I've applied around 500 billion places and things haven't been going to plan.
Hm 3:15pm.

My nails are beginning to grow out. I've discovered the trick for me to be successful in this endeavor. If I paint them, refraining to bite them is easy. This is a hinderance though, because I HATE painting my nails. It's so... unnatural.

Just like hairspray. Hairspray gives me the heebie jeebies. I won't get started on that though. That's a different soup box, for a very different time. It's freaking flammable! What's wrong with people? Plus they mostly test on animals.

Woah, for not wanting to go into it.. I sure.. went into it. Perhaps my ferocity is unreasoned?... Naw.. I can't fully make myself believe that. And so.

Time to make some litany for this blessed 31st of March.
-Shower
-Pluck eyebrows [ they're getting out of control]
-Dogs for a walk
-Laundry [specifially my bedstead blankets]
-Interview at 3:15pm. {scrunches eyes}
-1 hour of swimming with Nicole
-Return movies [I may have to purchase the Highschool Musical Trilogy. I appreciate it because it was nothing like my highschool experience. It was happy :)]
-Cook dinner? [If mum has time to teach me]
-Finish Twilight.


I can do this.






Sunday, March 29, 2009

35

In the beginning, I sometimes left messages in the street.
I'm more confident now. I can say those things into the ominous silence of my haven, or on top of the mountain, deep within the canyon just out back.

I can peer into the mirror and utter those dreadful words into the face that recognizes me.
Though often I don't recognize the face.

In the beginning, I sometimes left messages in the street.
But the past is a foreign country [figuratively and literally]; I do things differently here.
I was born with a gift of laughter, and a sense that the world was mad.


It all began the year I turned 19. May 2007.
I was resting on the steps in the center of Venice Italy. The famous train station in eyes sight athwart the Grand Canal. Roaming Italy's little alleyways, the grimy but fascinating ghettos and upon returning from Murano [ the island famous for glass blowing] I found myself done in by the exercise and anxiety. The sun was falling- it was my final evening there. I tried desperately, frantically to sponge up the energy. I sat with my oculars closed, breathing deeply, listening intently; attempting to stamp this beautiful moment into my mind for eternity.

It was the first time I'd ever been alone. I DIDN'T however choose to fly solo on this trip. Friends backed out. Boyfriend changed his mind. I had to go, even then. And that meant backpacking single.

The number of tears I wept before before the a.m. of my departure cannot be numbered.

It was a trip of a lifetime, and a turning point in my history.

A wave and I was 99% his.
I glanced into his face and cursed inside my head the eloquence of those chiseled physical features. Those smoldering deep eyes, laced with dark
thick lashes. Perfect nerve-electrifying lips. I hated the huskiness of his musical voice. "I love your color." He took me by the hand and we waltzed through the lambrynth of narrow strips of street, piazzas, and lilac gardens.

Everything turned gray. I slipped.

And somewhere in all that I found God. For the 1st time in 6 yrs.
I haven't lost him since.



In the beginning, I sometimes left messages in the street.




34


I dislike chocolate dipped strawberries.
I'd paint the town with them seperately, but conjoined they are purely criminal.

Punched [wa-bam!] the clock into a new ward this salt sha-sha-shaker of a morning. The one I'm technically supposed to be going to. The last time I attended was probably 2 years ago. I was too childish and insecure to agree to stay. Very few people, and the majority of them were fellow classmates from high school [and I have absolutely no good memories from those 4 years of adolescents].
Feeling depleted and increasingly static in my current ward I chose to set in motion the wheels of change.

It was a doozie! A-1! Aces! Out-of-this-world! Top drawer!

Sacrament meeting:
The special fruit in Japan that makes everything that you munch after eating it seem sweet! You can devour this lovely meat [no bigger than the size of my pinkie fingernail] and then suck on a lemon and find it tastes just like an orange!
I think the parallels to the gospel of Jesus Christ are quite easily exhibited.

And then those 3 young men all helping create a fulcrum for each other into the mission field. My heart glowed with a fiery passion for their charge, but more of note to their companionship. They haven't confused anything with 'loyalty'.

Gospel Doctrine:
Eternal Families.
How and why it's vital to understand the importance of families. And children. Husband and Wife. What we will be judged on. What things we can do to ensure an eternal unit.
Those beautiful blue eyes.
"The Lord gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason."

..and Relief Society:
Learn what we must learn.
The story of the Japanese Gymnast. The way I could relate it back to my pilgrimage was uncanny and anything but a coincidence. It just affirmed by beliefs about the alterations that have been put in place since last night.
"Bitter is the bud, but sweet is the flower."

..Tell me that!

Overall a wonderful "a.m." for spiritual uplifting and a refreshing start to a new week. 7 days indeed.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

33

Swim Team
1/2 those individuals I never would have chosen to be chummy with. Nothing would have lured me towards them, given me any reason to converse to them.
Swim Team.
Jan got me contemplating that. Was it really such a grand thing? Did it really do any of us any good? Nothing can be helped or changed now- we were together for 4 years. And that circle of friendship was near unbreakable. How would things be different now had that not happened?

And then this morning to Victoria:

"Maybe you should get different friends"
"Well, you hang out with so-and-so don't you?"
"Yeah, but he's 21 and isn't breaking the law as WELL as being an idiot"

I skedaddled back to my haven, sprawled out on my bassinet and attempted to clear the scarlet that had begun splotching my vision. Disappointment. Worry. Is it that different? And what does that say about me that my sister draws these conclusions about me, and justifies her friends by who I've chosen [or who have chosen me] as cohorts.

It says and shows that I've been a Gray example. Instead of Black and White And as much as it hurt to emphasize that and to shove things into that perspective, I know that I'm in the wrong. Partially. My sister can't justify, but I can't be a hypocrite either. Sometimes the thought comes that I confuse loyalty with friendship.
It happens more often then most think- I believe. And I am truly convinced that it is done innocently.

Let's take an honest look at my friends [I think to myself]
Who would I have genuinely chosen?

Matt
Mike
Jarren
Jeff
Emily
Sarah
Nicole.

None of the others.
And that's how it turned out after graduating in 06'. Our unbreakable group split it 2 ways. And I think we all foresaw this. It was so securing at the time to have so many "friends". And such a variety. Presently things are put into a different, more illuminating light. And I realize that Jan was and is right- as is my sister.
It's time to move past this. Completely. It's so hard to let go of things that you've maintained for so long. To cherish people OR yourself to much to allow shackles of resistance to take hold. And I think I'm coming [finally] to a place where I DO care to much about my well being to jeopardize anything.

Is that selfish?
I worry it could be selfishness, or self righteousness, or pride?

I also worry about twisting my fragile fate to benefits anothers.
And I am fragile. So easily swayed. So easily convinced. People-pleaser.
Trusting. Easy to manipulate. And I can be happy in knowing that for myself-about me. I'm nowhere near denial.

And I do carry my own little satchel of "things I do wrong" and "things I don't do that I should".
Hardly innocent.
No where near perfect.
I could try harder though. Make better decisions. Think.

"... And make good choices no matter what."
That's what he said.
That's what he wrote.
That's what he told me.

him.
..Matt.

And I think the best way to honor our impressive friendship is to follow his counsel. Because I was right last year when I said that. And he is more than correct this year.
And if for no other reason- this is reason enough.

I'm going to cry.
There's going to be much heartache and sorrow.
They won't understand.
And I will be unable to help them understand.

I'm leaping.
-Trusting.
-Hoping.
-Counting [1.2.3] on so many things.
[Abraham]

I hope I stick to my resolve.

It's nearly 2:30pm

Time to make use of the day! And how beautiful it is outside!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

32

Ugh.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

31


Chelsea's red-tape "a.m." is gripping
If I was someone else I might try and analyse it.

I "about-faced" back and forth from togs [swimsuit], to a jogging suit about 3 times- in 10 minutes.
The swimming togs triumphed, because I know I'll lose the lbs-age [poundage] quicker by taking a dip.

Finally acquired some CocoButter *throws hand in the A-ir*. I split my sides when mum waltzed in, pumped some moisterizer of the tanned plastic container and said "Chels! It smells like chocolate!". Mum, you are spesh. [Special]

Scott jangled.
"So are you all beautified yet?"
"Almost. Can I ring you back when I'm finished?"
"You're destroying me. I want to see you!"
"Not now you don't. I'll check ya later"
*click*

Confession:
TV sitcoms. My thoughts?
-the Office
-the Cosby Show and
-GossipGirl

And so.
Now I'm at the homestead, keeping my shirt on for the mail to arrive. Try as I might-mightily I try- to not care, my souls nucleaus still hammers in it's cage when he peels around the corner to deposit the goodies in the metal basket.

Grapefruit! I desire grapefruit.
I have a heap to pen today.
Need some time to think this through.


{ funny, spontaneous, energetic, friendly, caring, passionate, creative, blunt, a searcher, fun, adventurous, hardcore, awesome, inspiring, total woman, deliberate, thoughtful, interesting, intriguing, bodacious}

12:15 am

I think dementors are breeding somewhere nearby , because this weather makes me feel as though I'll never be happy again.
Just kidding!
B+!

I would appreciate some legitimate sunshine though.
I read Twilight all day today.
Simply magical.

I'm so happy!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

30

Yesterday= a whirlwind of emotions.

A good friend of mine was flying back to Mississippi this morning, yesterday was the last time to see her for several years I'd say- if at all. I'd been tip-toeing the line about going because my litany of things to get accomplished this week just doubled-tripled in size and my middle name is all of a sudden "procrastinator". [I] Never used to be this way.
What's happened?

Any..way...
Went to the gym at 8. Stayed about an hour and 1/2.
Was about to hop in the shower when Nicole called. "I'm at class until 1 and there's still a bunch of stuff to plan"
"Well I don't think I'm going to make it actually?"

And then "it" happened. She threw a fit. Apparently it was MY idea in the first place [Um... what?]. And since I'm SO good at planning things [ and even if you don't know me, you should realize from these entries that I am NOT one to plan things and have then follow through in a timely and organized matter- screw planning] that I should be the one to get on the phone and let everyone know the agenda [whose agenda? YOUR agenda? Because you're idea about how this should go down is shot to heck as far as I'm concerned].

She was pushy.
And I pushed back for awhile.
Stop telling me what to do, or trying to make me feel guilty- because I never had a commitment to you anyways. Back.Off.

I'm about to step in the shower, and Scott calls:
"So, Nicole's having a fit"
"Yes, and I'm about to get in the shower"
"How is this relevant?"
"My grandpa fought in world war II" *click*

Sloshing out of the shower, Wade:
"We're going to be at your house in about 2 minutes"
"I just got out of the shower, and I have a bunch of stuff to get done. I don't have time to play around"
"Are you angry?"
"No. I'm sopping wet." *click*

Working on my hair, Scott:
"We're still waiting downstairs. Are you almost done?"
"No."
"Ok" *click*


So a couple hours later [ and believe me I have absolutely no idea how this happened] I'm riding down to the city with Scott, Wade, Nicole, and Ber. Crammed in the back, listening to poor music [not all], trying to get along with everyone because I so do NOT want to be there.
And none of this has to do with Brooke. I would have gone to the moon and back if it meant I could see her one last time.
And I am super-glad that I DID get to see her before she headed for the homeland.

I have more to say on this, but just realized that I'm wasting time.
I'll get back to this once I finished my list for the day!
cheers!


7:22pm

Alright. Some of the list was accomplished, but time has run out to do some of the other things.
In brighter news I cooked my first meal in about 5 years. Falafal!! Next time I'll make it spicier- and I'll put a little more zest in the hummus.
Overall [ do you guys remember when overalls were cool? Yeah, me either] it was a success. And I am very pleased with myself.


Facts:
I'm vegetarian. You will never see me chomp on red meat. Every now and then I used to nibble chicken/turkey. [Never Never Never pork] But just the other day I attempted to have a leafy green salad with some deli turkey meat and I almost gagged. The smell of chicken is becoming hard to stand as well.
I don't drink soda. I work out a lot. And that includes swimming- it is EXTREMELY hard to breathe while you swim if you've been drinking soda. It's so bad for you. [but by all means continue to sip your coca cola's]
I'm not a huge fan of candy. However I WILL eat Dots. Love those mommies.

And, for the most part I avoid fast food, mayonnaise [ugh], and things that have butter in them.

Confession: I LOVE carbs.
Give me pasta, bread, whatever- I thoroughly enjoy it.
Not exactly a health nut- but I'm trying to be better.
I'm eliminating all un-natural sugars from my diet. And milk.
I've stopped growing, my bones are not going to become any stronger. I'm off the milk.

A little background:
My parents used to practice a Vegan lifestyle- then they hit college and adopted a vegetarian lifestyle (along with adopting their 1st two kids. Toby, and Jasmin). Now they eat meat and take pleasure in the distinct taste or iron. [ writing this is enough to bring the horrible image of a bloody, meaty steak to my eyes. Oh, the horror]

So we have all these vegan/vegetarian cookbooks that are indeed treasure troves.
Only now am I prying the locks and examining the pirate booty. And what booty it is indeed.


In other news- mystification is choking me out.

He gave me a jangle this morning, right as I stepped out of the gym. Wanted to hang out- o..... k...? Was he having a change of heart- I don't know. Was he bored and didn't have anyone else to hang out with- no idea. Perhaps testing the waters- my guess.. is just that- a guess.

I care.
So much I want to scream sometimes.
I'm not in love.
But there are moments where I think I am. The intensity drives me up the walls.

We talked about this though.
My life is different.
And so is his.

I could see it happening.
I can't risk it if we're not on the same page.


Initially he told ME no. Said he'd been leading me on for years.
Well he got that right. Those letters didn't exactly spell out "friendship" as much as they did "spouse". And what about all the stuff you bought me that I refused, the dates that were amazing, that time you kissed me. I'll never forget the way your hand slid down my neck coming to a rest at my shoulders. Or how you lips brushed against my ear giving me chills.

What was that about eh?


He told ME no.
So I said alright, and went along my merry way. I wasn't upset or hurt. I didn't cry or become angry. I kept a level head and more then that my heart was stable as well. We were friends, I couldn't have asked for more! And in the end [now] I'm grateful that you DID say "no"- because I'm happier being alone then I would have been in the long run with you.


I'm not changing my mind.
Not a chance.
But you can change yourself.

You know it's possible. It's time to take responsibility.
In my next entry- I will explain-EVERYTHING. Because this probably doesn't make sense to ANYONE!

How frustrating.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

29

For all who haven't-please read my "28th" entry and + suggestions to the list. I'm determined to have at least 20 things on it.

Draper Temple Dedication today.
MOTL (More On That Later)

"Intelligence" and/or the "media" along with all those that rub elbows with me are unceasingly yammering that the globe is in a noggle (bad place). What an atrophy is transpiring, how pestilential and "out-for-number-one" we're all becoming! "We're on the fritz."

I could certainly do well with less agro. [aggression]
Please don't get my signals crossed. I pride myself - and maybe that's not the best thing- on keeping up to date with what's going on, here on planet earth. I read the paper, peruse the internet, and research my stuff. I grasp that the economy is progressively making it's way into a recession. I personally feel as though the beginning of WWIII started when we went to war with Iraq and Afganistan. Unemployment is sky rocketing [ upon opening a janitor position at a school somewhere on the west coast [cali?] 700 people applied], banks are closing, social security is shot-to heck, along with medicare. Sure, things are looking raw. And yes, all of this is [and YES the rest of the world is as well] is counting on our newly instated President of the United States of America: Barack Hussein Obama, to make things better. [let our prayers be with him]

However I still don't believe that this precious apple is as bad a place as "they" say. Our focus is askew.

So I make a challenge. To the admirable few who take stock in my entries.
It's time to make a list.

50 things that make you smile. [but really there's no limit] The idea was concieved by Matt. My constant inspiration (again, I thank you).When things seem bleak and bummer-ish we pull out the litany and remember all the good things that we have to be grateful for. And all the threads that make our lives wonderful things to live- despite what's going on IN the world.

Let's B + [ be positive]

I think Zach put it best when he said "What? You gotta get banana blasted!? Bongo slippin' on some chud before you see the light!? Just have some doba doba's, jump onboard, get wack and whip it up!"

And so.
I take the challenge as well.

50 Things That Make Me Smile:

1. Going barefoot
2. Sunshine
3. Music in the early morning, and late at night [ but all the time as well]
4. Oxymorons [ like.. "act naturally", "appear invisible", "boxing ring", "civil war", "modern history", "dim wit", "low fat", "mud bath", "natural make-up", "suicide victim", "thinking out loud", "white chocolate"- I could go on and on]
5. Inside jokes [ "Shiny", "Indanin!", "Irrelevant"]
6. Double double takes
7. Words
8. Wild flowers
9. Acronyms
10. Ocean [ any of the 7, and this includes the beach of course!]
11. Laughter [ Bah ha ha! Particulary baby giggles- if I could bottle them in a jar, I would]
12. Family and friends [MY family and friends :)]
13. "Epiphany" moments [ I know why Google is named Google]
14. Inventing things [lava wall- patented by ms. Chelsea]
15. Catching up with an old friend
16. Mailing and recieving letters [Where are my 2 letters anyways!?]
17. Water [ love being in it, and chugging it.]
18. Humidity
19. Curly long dark hair [ just not mine]
20. Travel, anywhere but here.
21. Writing randomness
22. Cleaning/Organizing
23. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
24. Drives up the canyon
25. Board games, card games, group games, night games, etc.
26. The color purple
27. Reading any kind of literature
28. Love- romantic and otherwise.
29. Logan's Temple
30. Volumizing mascara
31. Rain and Wind
32. Tahoe and D'ojee my blessed canines
33. Wiggles and jibblies
34. Oculars (eyes)
35. Hugs, the merging of lips [or lip-to-neck] , and cuddles that come in bundles
36. Photography
37. Campfires and butterflies
38. Trees [did I already put this?No..]
39. Awkward and embarrassing moments [ not while they're happening though]
40. Palindromes [ those words that you can spell backwards (sdrawkcab) and get the same thing. Like.. 'race car" is a common one, but also: "don't nod", "never odd or even", murder for a jar of red rum", "go deliver a dare, vile dog", and "Do geese see God?" again, I could go on and on]
41. Skipping rocks, and throwing them
42. Parallel parking
43. Lace. I LOVE lace
44. Singing, and dancing [mostly to hippity hop dop!]
45. Politics
46. Earth
47. Analogies
48. Story telling
49. Harmonica
50. Writing lists.


Take the challenge- I double double dog dare you.


In other news, I'm pretty sure I have pink eye. Ugh.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

28

3,000 yrds in 3,600 seconds ( this is the equivalent of 1 desperate hour)
1 day= 86,400 seconds
And 1 year= 31, 536, 000 seconds.

This is substance I insist mandatory.
It's just tip-top stuff.

I could scarcely levitate my arms as they stretched out the final time to caress the mottle green tile. Jello. That's an acceptable word to describe the overall feeling. That or "Gumby-like".
Good thing Talisa was there as my own personal ch33rleader. Survival would have been one FAT joke for the ages (like "yo-mama" bon mots) if she hadn't been present. Much love sista'!

Upon arriving home I devoured so many red succulent grapes that they began skirring out my ears! I campaigned all day long (blitzkreig!) to stay conscious, resisting the cull to indulge in a wond-Orous seista-fiesta. I triumphed until about 3:30pm. It was then (and only then) that my bag-of-bones literally shut down(bee boop) and I recall nothing until about 7:22pm.

My hair was then did, and my make-up done.
Talisa and I drove and joked all the way into town. (My liscence has been expired for almost 3 weeks. :D)
It's time to ex-pand my personal color wheel, add a couple dashes [more] of spice, and bring home the classy class. (after all I am NOW 21 and that means I've gotta be a BG now. Big girl. Big girls don't cry- this doesn't really apply...)


We picked and tried on a v.a.r.i.e.t.y of things. My own exclusive runway show for shoes went down in Rue 21( It makes sense that I would shop at some place with "21" in the title). I even got an applause. Failed to find the jacket (that I have invisioned in my head) that I desired, or the crash-hot vixen boots I've been yearning for.
I did purchase more face paint though [ that makes me sound like I'm in the circus.], should be fun to experiment if nothing else.
Some more subtle colors of the rainbow.
I couldn't agree to any of the little black clutches (purses) I perused through either.

I'm back where the hat is (home). The time 9:10pm and I want nothing more than to thunderclap into unconsciousness.

10 Things Every Woman needs: [these are in no particular order of importance]

1) A pair of sultry black high heels.

2) The book [or movie] Pride and Prejudice.
- It doesn't matter which version- but everyone woman should see, at least once, the 6 hour vers.

3) Dark Chocolate. ( It has been pointed out that some woman don't like dark chocolate? This is definitely news to me, but as to encompass all women, we'll just say chocolate. Whatever you like. :D)

4) A variety of bath beads, oil seeds, bath salts and/or bubble bath mixes.

5) A pearl necklace (you can't go amiss with getting earrings and bracelet to match)

6) Volumising mascara, to make those lashes sexy.

7) A luscious, comfortable bath robe!

8) 1 piece of delicate, subtle lingerie. ( And a push up bra:D)

9) "her" perfume or fragrance.

10) A man.

11) A luxurious pillow to drown screams, sorrows and fallen sweethearts. (compliments of "W")

12) That little black dress we all want! (To go with the black heels [or red]) (compliments of "W")

If anyone has items they would like to add to the list- feel free to comment. I want to see how long I can get this baby [ this list I mean].

Friday, March 20, 2009

27

I swam 2,500 yrds today. In 1 (you heard me folks) hour!
It felt... turbulent.
My technique has depleted, along with heaps of my UBS (upper-body-strength). That was made crystalline clear whilst in the chlorine filled arena. And now. My body is pulsating pain. Muscles that I didn't even realize could become stiff- are.
My fingers?

Who ever heard of someone digits being sore? And not like "Waa I've been holding onto something more tightly than I should have! Like this here toothbrush, or that rollercoaster protection bar!" (I kept this clean with much difficulty I hope you all know) but purely untainted tenderness from pumping the muscles vigorously for a full 60 min. (They should put this story on 60 Minutes). It's a struggle to type.

After my fishy frenzie I collapsed like unto this 30 gallon gardening container: http://unclutterer.com/2008/03/24/collapsible-gardening-container/ They're all the rage in Europe!

The last time I recall being that exhausted was back in 2006. The day after Graduation. That was one shakedy shake of a celebration. What a night! We snuck into the stone graveyard (gravel/rock/pebble safekeep) We built a prodigious sandsnake! And then took photos of us riding it! Emily was twitchy about getting caught. Red handed. * come to think of it, it wasn't even her graduation night. Or sarah's. Whatevs.

I received a comment from a friend ( a BEST friend) that said she didn't understand what I said.. what was it.... 65% of the time? I think I morph slightly into ADHD ( an Ariel Dipping Hippie Dip) while typing. So many ideas. Too many side comments, lots of inside jokes that are between me and mostly myself.

I should strive to be more direct.

And so.
The next 2 paragraphs I am dedicating to said friend (look above if you missed something- *rolls eyes*). For the sake of this blog, and because I feel "good" about keeping this person's name within the ropes of confidentiality..we're going to knight her "Wisteria". Who would believe me if I said it was true anyways right? That's what I thought!
Let it be made clear and diffused athwart the realm that this red hot-salsa-dancing (and eating) diva of a Bowman ( if you don't get this, that means your 'safe' from the assassins I've hired to uh.. dispose of anyone that does get it) is one heck of succulent (muah) raspberry danish delight. Actually, I doubt she's Danish...but I vow to eat my words ( and the delight) if I'm wrong *readies mouth*.

I remember the first time I made her aquaintance. And what a monumental pleasure it was! We joined a bandwagon on an excursion to JL [when we got there I knew I had been *coughs* 'misinformed' -stupid puddle] along with other soon-to-be co workers and chums. Ha! If only (IF only) I had been warned what was in store. (In store?) May 5th 2008 was the beginning to a wild,, utterly uncivilized, FTTH (fit-through-the-hole), back-back-back it up hey!, finger condom losing, nap indulging, knock one's socks off , "wow" of a joyride.

I will say more, probably NNT (not now though)
In short.
I effing love her.

Mucho love to your face "Wisteria".

:D


Now time to wrap entry up, with a bow on top.
Ice Cream James
Un-sidewalk chalking.
Where's my Wand?
And what exactly is the Challenge?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

26


80's? 80's?
(the only thing good about this is the color)


Further and further away.
I've made efforts to halt the dilution.

Nothing is working. So far.

I can't fathom why this gully has emerged.
And what do I make a gangplank out of? Hope? Faith? Good Works? All of the above?
But I must say I prefer this "absence" more than a powerhouse bolt-from-the-blue to my tender face.
Keep on pushing on I suppose. Or does it go "Keep on keeping on"? (That's it!)

Whatevs. *shrugs* Either way the saying isn't on MY "top 10" list.
*looks around*

I began conversing with my friend (pink ja ja
-jellybean) about the past. It's always fun to summon back those memories (Accio Memories!) (some of them, not all of course).
So many embarrassing moments.
And I don't care who you are, what you say, who you THINK you know (trust me, this is relevant)- I have the MOST EMBARRASSING MAKE OUT STORY EVER!
Hands down. Absolutely no questions asked.

Anyone wanting "in" ( or "out" now that I come to think of it) on this monumental shake in Chelsea's Life, well.. you know - I know you do- where to locate me.

I purchased a brand spankin' new, three-quarter sleeve shirt today.
Whoooopee right? So what? Who cares! Throw your hands in the A-ir!
Well it represents more than just my personal style ( or "non-style" as Dot prefers) and SOS [sense of self]

It's signif!
It exhibits the changes that I've made in my life, everything from the thread-count to the color has some kind of minute detail of importance to me. I'm not wearing it until the 15th of April. In fact I'm not even going to LOOK at it until then.
And I can't wait! How many more days is that?
*thinks*

Don't care.
Irrelevant.

*pauses to help lift brother*

"We need to find you a man that you love as much as you love this dog."

Perhaps.
I fear it will never happen. HA! Just kidding. Only part of me believes that.
The other part is becoming increasingly agigtated and anxious about the upcoming months in her life. (My life)

I trust I'm not interpretting things wrong (this could very well be the case), but... I know it's coming.

This. year. (there I finally spewed that out there)
I'm going to be as bold as to say that. And I'll eat my words (then vomit-blegh- them back up UP and consume again) if it doesn't happen.


And now, the main event. Brace yourselves ( I hope everyone realizes that I say most of this for my own benefit-)
*braces myself*


I miss JL.
Not the work- no no no never never never!!!
I miss being away from home ( no drama). I miss the friendships (staying up late and laughing in the dark). I miss being busy(even if work sucked-[insert some word here]). I miss being in the forest.(although I wouldn't trade anything for the canyon in my back yard)

*sighs*
Glad I could get that out of my system. My only comforting thought is that my soul mate (Ms. Meggae Reggae Fresh) feels the same way.
I almost cried thinking about her the other night.
She understood me so well.
I dote on her tremendously.
And I haven't seen or talked to her in ages. We're drifting apart, which was bound to happen. And I don't think that we'll ever fully lose contact or anything, but things aren't (can't) be the way they were before because... of Life.

But I crave her presence in my life right now.
"Forever" by Chris Brown.

Don't forget Meggae.



Confessions:

I'm OCD (outragiously capsizing deliveries) about the mail.
I need those letter. BOTH of them. I check the mail at 9 am, even though the post usually doesn't come until about 4.

I am making NO effort to get a job. Concerning said "effort"- There is effort, but compared to how it should be- on the scale I sit at 0 (zero).

I am developing a phobia of food. And a compulsary need to excersize all day long.

compulsary. I first heard this word in Thailand used by a man named Zack. And boy was he a looker. And a mover.

























Wednesday, March 18, 2009

25

The significance of yesterday: First bike ride of the year. (up the canyon)
The significance of today: My legs feel like they've had cement poured into them. So sore. Such a delightful sensation.

I've almost completed the Harry Potter series, for the 2nd time? 3rd perhaps?
Normally I can't get past book 5, but this months craze has been something else.
Still looking for a job, my determination is barely there. I loath the "searching" part.

St. Patrick's Day passed not leaving much to write about.


"Yes, Do It With Confidence"
That's what my fortune cookie on the 16th said.

-New Stereo ( 2 ponderous glossy speakers full of window-shaking, glass-shattering power - and yes I DID test this out.) with ipod hook up; for music makes my life.

-2 New movies: Ferngully (Best Disney Movie Ever- and I'm not just saying that because I'm a granola, nature-hugging, anti-logging environmentalist- it teaches good morals. And no one can rap like Batty!), and EverAfter (Which I hereby declare to be better than ANY other Cinderella story around.)

- "In A Pickle", and I can't believe that I'm actually going to say this. I almost feel like I'm cheating on my (previous) favorite word game (Apples to Apples). This game is tops! I'm so thrilled that my BF knows me this well. Play it before you knock it... out the window.

-3 sets of hoops (not hula) (bronze, gold, and silverish), and the most magical fairy necklace I have ever seen. Truly Maria went to another world and back to retrieve this thing. It's magical.

-One billion birthday wishes from various areas. (Facebook, Myspace, Cellphone, Cards, Phonecalls). All in all, not a bad 21st birthday.

And now to enjoy the pressies!
Thanks to all, and to all a good.. morning.


8:53 pm

"You are one bodacious babe."
Alright so I just have to shove this out there. (I) Never understood the character of Zac Young. He's unflinchingly American ( not that I mind). So why is it written on his little license slash identity card that he's from Australia (but this is better)?
It really doesn't matter. I GUESS.

Waxed my fingernails black.
And then ran my blasted guts out. Almost literally. On the home stretch I jumped and jived to Enrique (oh, if there were such a man in my life)(but there soon will be! :D). I darted all the way up to my haven and sprawled my withered, exhausted, perspiring, slightly-more-tanned b-o-d-y on the sage canvas I call so passionately "my floor". (We are overwhelmingly intimate, but my bed is my 1st lover)

As I lay there listening to the nucleus of my soul ("heart" for those of you hopelessly lost) provide bass background beats (BBB), and felt it struggling to (prison)break free of my rib cage I soaked -and almost drowned- in the pleasures of having such a wonderful piece of malleable art. I love that I am of the earth. One of my most favored things about being "human".

-Feet throbbed.
-Thighs taunt.
-Abs cold.
-Arms weakened.
-Heart healthy.

Brilliant sunlight.

I should write an Ode to the Sun. It would be easy. No one would get hurt.
I'm infatuated.
I may actually take a bash at it.
..indeed..

NNT (not now though)




Alright, now if all goes well and according to plan, the 1st of the series I like to call "Gimpish Greatness" will be appearing tonight! I don't particularly care if you find them stupid, humiliating, or redundant (that word doesn't really work here- irrelevant) because I'm not actually putting them up for anyone but myself-to remember the good ol' days (nights).

Oh- and for you "Melissa-the star(less)-Gimpie" because I feel there are certain.. tha-ings.. you should know about.

Monday, March 16, 2009

24

Happy and relieved to celebrate my 22nd year of life.







Sunday, March 15, 2009

23


Happy Birthday Matt! Oh blessed day!
21 yrs old. Do you feel as perplexed about it as I?

Tomorrow is MY prodigious day.
So not stacked.



What an evening! Made my way over to Scott's house to say "hello". Wade's invitation. Upon arrival I found them playing Death Match Ping Pong. Surpassingly ardent, I've never witnessed welts swell up like cheerios.

Mm Breakfast!

Chatted with Scott the majority of the night about the funeral. He was elsewhere on "business". Vegas. He couldn't believe that Mike didn't return home. It was an intriguing one-on-one convo. Because I never questioned his decision and feelings on the matter (Mike's). It's all about 100% support in whatever situation. In reality, I would have been eye-popping shocked if he'd boarded on a plane ( what an image) and made for the homeland. He (Scott) doesn't understand that there's a bigger picture because he's chosen a alternative path. Who am I to say what's best for my friends?
What a unhappy path. The way I view it.

He thinks that Mike will never see him again.
I know that he will.
He thinks that Mike will regret his decision.
I know that he won't.

For Scott "family is first". But that's exactly how it is for Mikey as well. Only on a much broader scale.

"Well let's switch this up a little. Let's say you pass away, your brother is on a mission doing something that he loves. And more than that- something that he views as being primarily more important than a physical death in his earthly family. Because he's participating in something that will affect others eternally. Would you want him to come home for your funeral?"

"That's different"

"It's exactly the same. You wouldn't want that. You'd want him to finish out what he set out to do. Or are you that selfish?"

"I guess I'm that selfish- but every situation is different."

"But we're speaking about this situation."

"I wouldn't want him to come home."

"My point exactly. And who are you to talk anyways, you didn't even come!"


Persons glancing at this perhaps think it comes across as hostile or blunt. It wasn't. I've never been in a more naked and undisguised relationship then this one that I've developed with Scott. I can speak my mind, and he can do likewise. It was a discussion. We have opposing feelings. We respect that.
It all comes down to love.
No secrets.
It's refreshing to have such an acquaintance.
It's my wish to everyone that they find something like unto this.

Much love to your face Scott- not that you'll ever see this.


21 Reasons Why I Like YOU Matt!

1) You, before anyone else can cause these eyes to wrinkle and tear with joy and giggling.
2) I can count (1, 2, 3) on you to be there. Even if you're 3,000 miles away.
3) You allowed your family to embrace me, and me to embrace your family. (Thank you.)
4) Always up for experiments and trying something new (with me).
5) I've never wrestled with anyone BUT you. And you let me win 98% of the time.
6) Perfect gentlemen when push (dah!) comes to shove(umph!). And there was lots of pushing and shoving :D.
7) "the Office" is OUR favorite show.
8) You didn't get mad when we stole all your clothes and dismantled your bed. You wore the same outfit for 2 weeks. Such a good sport.
9) Because of the prank we pulled on you, you had enough sense to pull one back! I'll never foget the c.a.r.p. (this is not an acronym) on my windshield.
10) You have the 20/80 complex. You're natually good at almost everything, and you don't even realize it.
11) Creative Writing senior year was the best class I took in highschool and that's all because of you! Thanks for graffiting my notebook and writing sarcastic notes on every page. They caused me to laugh when it was almost im...possible to smile about anything that year.
12) You forgave me. ( I still feel terrible, and I'm so sorry for not stopping it sooner.)
13) You're Italian(si?), but you don't mind when I ( and others) call you the little Mexican.
14) Being in your presence makes me feel clever. You keep me on my toes (all 10!), always stretch my imagination. The most monumental ideas that I concieve( like my fleet under the elevator) and follow through with have you behind them in inspiration. (the 1st song I ever wrote (on the piano) "19 In a Red Jacket", the best Valentine I ever made (Wade-o Potatoe), the most involved debate argument I've ever won(Global Warming), the fastest I ever swam my 100 butterfly(1:04), the best day of my life (Feb. 24th 2006), the 2nd best day of my life (June 5th 2008))
15) Your personality dynamics. (thermo.)
16) You stick (like glue) to something once you start it. (I'll never understand how you stayed at Qwest for as long as you did, but I'm SO proud.)
17) You went on a mission. You were so uncertain, but you're out there- doing it!
18) You're love for guacemole and anything spicy.
19) You enjoy the outdoors as much as I do. Thanks for going up the canyon with me.
20) You (like others) are not opposed to taking photos with me. Thanks for being my model, and for letting me dress you up (notice the emphasis on "dress"). It gave my life so much spunka dee spunk!
21) Because we have been through (quite literally) everything. It's been a turbulent road for us. We value that about each other, and appreciate each others take and say on things. Even after a years worth of silence ( a. year.) you responded when I needed you. Thank you for putting stock in this relationship. We need each other. And I LOVE that you understand that, probably better than I do. You're tops in my books!


A wish for you:

Never forget this struggle. Our struggle. It has changed my life eternally, and I know it can be that way for you to. For the good.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

22


*looks for a song to spawn some kind of illumination*
Check.

M.B. Eternally has my back. Always.

As we departed the Draper Temple open house last evening there was a dyad of scrungy old men situated on the sidewalk displaying posters. I eye-balled them as our bus trundled on by. Peculiar.

"Secret or Sacred?" One shouted
"GotForgiveness?" Questioned the 2nd.

It activated some affecting feelings. Particularly the primary one. Secret? Or Sacred?
I think that because it's an "OPEN" house there's nothing really secret about it. And isn't it interesting that at the finale of the walk about( Woah! Australia!) they guide you toward a lounge where the sister missionaries can answer ANY questions that you have?

That man apparently hadn't bothered to go within and take a gander.


It was luxurious (as I suspect ALL temples are).
The Bride's Dressing Room was hands down my most treasured room. Foremost because I hope and expect to be a bride soon-ish and that chandelier was jaw plummeting, heart stopping gorgious. A sacred chasm where princesses are born! I want to be a princess!!
And what esteemed company I was in. The girls and my sister Talisa.

The sun was shimmering, the zypher chilled and invigorating, the spirit onboard and ever present.

3:01 pm

This morning I finished my 3rd reading of the Book of Mormon. I'm unceasingly astonished by how much I glean each and every time I cascade over that revered dissertation. Of late my heart has been surging with happiness and joy for my own individual knowledge regarding the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It's been a personal journey, and my understanding, faith, and intricate experiences have become exceptionally important to me recently. I feel like I can do anything.

Anything.
Possibilties are endless.
Potential is unlimited.


3:37 pm

I except a letter today.
Let's go see what's in the box!

*walks out to mailbox*

..No letter.

Friday, March 13, 2009

21



My thoughts rollercoasted all over the place.
I never wanted anything so bad in my entire life.

Patience.
Righteousness.
Patience.
Focus.
Patience.

Patience.



It's a constant struggle- good things my parents are the most intelligent of their kind.
I can't worry about what COULD happen. I need to start focusing on what IS happening.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

20

Today's the day.
I'm nervous and jittery.
I don't want to cry. I've been in mourning for the past week, and I hope that this offers me some kind of closure. ( I wish Mike was here- so I could offer my condolences and give him a hug.)


.... I just felt the universe stir. Something big is about to happen.


5:55pm

The funeral.

Standing in that line was unbearable. Sarah and I drove together, I remember chatting along the way but I can't recall much about the conversation- I recall being thankful that today was a beautiful day full of sunshine. I was the last of our friends to go up to the casket. As I approached I felt my heart pick up tempo, the closer I got the slower I walked until I was there.
There.
It was hard. I felt my throat constrict and all of a sudden I couldn't breathe properly. Then came the hard part, offering (again) my condolences to his parents. Their son. My friend.
I hugged Maryjane (his mom).
The hardest part was hugging Tom (his dad). I finally felt the tears start to swell and spill down my face.

After we made our way to the chapel. The decorations were gentle and delicate. Hundreds of flowers, and tons of people. We took our seats with the rest of the team. We chit chatted for a few minutes while waiting for the ceremony to begin.

When it did we all stood up as the family members entered. Maryjane was crying, Tom was crying, all of them were crying. Then came the casket. Closed.

The ceremony was beautiful. The life sketch that Maryjane and Tom put together was beautiful and calming. Humorous at some points, it felt good to laugh through the tears. It felt better to smile.
The hardest part for me was listening to his bishop read the note that Mike sent home (he decided to remain and finish out his mission in LA)
I wanted someone to hold onto.


After the family made their way up to the burial site. We stayed behind to chat with our friends and family. It was nice to see everyone, even if the circumstances were hardly ideal. It was a comfort to know however, that in our times of need that we WILL all come together again no matter how far away we are from each other.
Coach flew all the way from Mississippi.
Others came from further. And we were ALL their that could be.


This circle of friendship has been important to me for an immensely long time. And now I know that it's a reliable one. It's never been put to such a test before.


We soon made our way up to the site as well. Everyone had left except Maryjane and Tom who WERE leaving. Together with our coach Brooke we found ourselves in a circle talking about how hard it was to say goodbye. Again, it was a comfort to me that she was there. And that she loves me. And that she cares so much about each and everyone one of us. We were all together for such a long time, and now we've all gone such seperate, diverse ways.

I appreciate that our burdens bring us back together now and then. Even if it's not an especially happy time. Jordan will be the first person to be buried in that gravesite. His casket is beautiful, and his life brought joy to mine. And to everyone else's. And so did his death, regarding the knowledge I have of the Plan of Salvation, and the love that my Savior and Father in Heaven have for me and all his children.

No one is left out.
And no one is forgotten.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

19



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPFk0X1p2fs&feature=related

2 concluding observations regarding this video:

1. I hereby decree that all music videos should and
MUST have a pulsating rainbow in the background. No questions asked.

2. I don't care what anyone says, the
Atomic Kittens did a superior job covering this song. And I deem it much more preferrable than Blondie- though Blondie's music video is an absolute riot! (check it out all you 80's whoremongers!)


"Every girl wants you to be her man, but I'll wait right here till' it's my turn."
( I personally feel like the songs degree of "legit-ness" could be bumped up about 1000% by changing the word "man" in this line to "mom". You're thoughts?)


-side note- I don't appreciate that rainbows are associated with homosexuality. Can't I be sweet on rainbows without being scrutinized and interrogated about my sexual orientation?
STRAIGHT, always and forever. It's unfortunate that I feel a declaration of this is needed here and now.

A miracle took place today.
Concerning my bank account.

I am not insolvent. These last 2 months I've been in a continuous state of twitching regarding my funds or lack thereof. I've had $$thousands$$ all along. I diversified my accounts when I was 12 yrs old. Twelve! A
whopping 8 (soon to be 9) years ago. Who knew that by being intelligent when I was 12 would affect me now, when those 2 numbers switched will be my soon proclaimed age? And now it's all puzzle piecing together. I'm redeemed and elated which together would equal...related ( That didn't quite work out the way I thought it would)

6 days.
SIX.

I fear I will crumble, much like unto the Berlin Wall.
That could happen tomorrow though.


Aspirations for the next 2 weeks:
-Finish Matt's pressie.
*Regarding the previous(RTP)- don't allow myself to actually DIE from laughing.
-Survive the viewing/funeral.
-Look up summer math courses ( now that's an oxymoron if I EVER thought of one)
-Convince "Ms. K" to bike across America with me this summer, instead of driving across America.
*RTP both ideas are great, and both will require $. But only ONE of those will provide us with a healthier heart.


More later-ish.


Alright, snow shoeing today didn't prove as much of an adventure as yesterday. Probably because my body is in full revolt- and the snow is never as good the 2nd day. It was alright though, because up at the top I reserved a few moments for myself to reflect on the beauty of my home. The song "How Great Thou Art" came to mind and I hummed along whilst observing my dog enjoying the snow.

I brought back an ugly sore blister. What made it think I wanted the company? And haven't I been breaking those boots in for the past 4 years?

It's been a hard day.
Time for some self-love.

10 Things That Made Me Smile Today:
1) The sunshine
2) Having the house to myself for 1 entire hour.
3) Singing along to the Atomic Kittens.
4) When my dog climbed up onto my lap while driving up the canyon.
5) Chatting with that old fellow that I met on my trek down the mountain.
6) Watching my dog SHOVE his face into the warm current of air coming out of the vents in the car.
7) Getting that unexpected call from Brooke, even though it was bad news.
8) Having my sister "motivate" me to finish straightening my hair because tomorrow is an important day ( Thank you Talisa for your inspiring presence!)
9) D'ojee cuddling with me while I cried over the bad news.
10) The prospect of Sarah coming over in an hour.

Confession:
I love lists.
And I'm no longer going to be romanticizing anything that is written on this.
This is MY blog, and I'm going to write whatever it is that I want to write. It may be harsh, it may be simply, but whatever "It" is. It will be the truth (As I see it).

Prepare yourselves.
There are no exceptions.









Tuesday, March 10, 2009

18


I'm bad at beginning things.
Including blogs (note to self, put more effort into finding out what the word "blog" means)

The sun was the first thing to say hello to me this morning. That is a star that shines so brightly that I would KISS it if I could, and if my face wouldn't melt off. Call me vain. I don't care.

So my blogging sounds like grogging (which for those of you that have NO idea what that means it means.. drinking- no I'm not drinking) AND like snogging (which again, for those of you that have no idea what I'm talking about that means "making out" in Australia- and I WISH I was doing that.)..the point is. My blogging is being cut short.

...A friend just arrived! And not just any friend, but the friend that invented the word "Jibblies" and the Jam Box Torture Box. She's brilliant, and I'm proud to say I taught her e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. she knows! Ha ha!

MLI (More later-ish)
-Including an epic tale that will accompany the above picture, because I know that you're all just dying to know what the story is.


Alright. It's almost 1 in the morning, and I'm sure I'll be kicked off before I get a chance to finish any of this. And the epic tale will have to wait because I have something MUCH more pressing on my mind.

My other 1/2 and I are brilliant. Matt's birthday is coming up, and since such an event is ever increasingly important in MY life we decided to dedicated a list to him:

21 Good Things To Come Out Of 1988 ( This is when we were born, for those of you that are slow). This list is copyrighted. Which means that anyone who tries to duplicate this d-i-e-s.

1- January 1988- the toaster was invented.
2- The entire state of Iowa was covered in 10ft of snow, which made it impossible to visit the elderly, eliminating an entire generation.
3- Prozac is introduced as an anti-depressant.
4- Castro invaded Cuba.
5- There was a high number of Italian babies adopted by American parents. *hint hint*.
6- The beluga whale was voted mascot for N.A.W.P. (the National Association for White People)
7- The WNBA finally allows women to play for their league.
8- The word "groovy" became the most widely used word in America, followed closely by "bodacious"
9- Old people are cast out of America.
10- "Ferngully"
11-USDA ( the United States Department of Awesome) came out with the Food Pyramid.
12-The uni-cycle wheeled its way onto the market.
13- Al Gore invents the Internet.
14- Spanish cuisine becomes more popular than ever, bumping Beto's down to the #2 spot.
15- Betty Crocker takes the world by storm with her "All Corned Beef" cookbooks.
16- Chelsea Jo -Brilliant- McMahon explodes out of Australia with her #1 Hit "If You Can't Find My Wombat, You're Out Of Luck".
17- Oprah's shoulder pads reach epic proportions, rivaling those of 13th century crusaders.
18-The "Soviet Block" is unblocked- probably by the same guy that invented legos.
19- Several people got married according to data released by Hilary Clinton who thought she was president at the time.
20- The American lifestyle was established by Michael Jackson's Hit Single "My Heart Will Go On".
21- The world looks to tomorrow- 1989, when a star will be seen in the night sky named "FIERCE FIRE" after Sarah Lynne-Squash-Russak.


I think this basically sums up my day.
The photo was taken on my snow tripping trip up the canyon.
He IS my best friend.

Monday, March 9, 2009

17


This is where I go to get my news.
And I'm not kidding. Check it out kids!
http://www.theonion.com/



Last night was not what I expected at all. Astonishing.
Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, and just when I thought that limit was going to be breached- the implausible happened.

My cup did NOT spill over. *blinks*
And how thankful I am because I would have drowned.
Let me just note here that if I had a choice of how I passed- I would probably choose drowning (this is if "peacefully" in her sleep is ruled out).
It just sounds manageable.

Another side note - I am deeply suspicious of those that pass "peacefully". Call me a visionary.

The point is my life just turned into a circus, and Life has taken the ringleader position. Ha! This is SO B.S. [Britney Spears]. But maybe I need to clear THIS bit of information up as well. I appreciate her, and her battle against mediocrity. So there!

Back on track. It's a hippodrome and my superior juggling skills are turning out to be more of a hinderance then help.
The funeral.
I keep thinking about the funeral.
I've been to 1 once; the sister of a friend.
Obsequies.

This is colorful.
It's my friend.

Just a week and a 1/2 ago we were sitting in his crash-pad executing jokes, and chatting about the mission field. He was well on his way to getting better and had so much spunk in his speech.

Life happens so fast. It put a halt on everything that I thought I "knew" about mine.
(Why are these things called blogs- does that stand for something like... "babies like ongoing gory stories", or "baffled locals organize gypsy sinkholes?" - That should be an Onion headline.)

And as if THAT wasn't enough to throw me for a loop.... dee-loop- the letter. The dreaded epistle. It's not his blunder. It wouldn't have matter what he penned I would have cannonaded into weeping anyways. I was shedding tears before I opened it which took an incredibly long time. Nerves. Jibblies. (This is Sarah's word, I thought it did a good job of describing the above situation)

It wasn't delicate or gentle, it was statuesque and harsh. Again. Unexpected. And it was from my best friend.
(Did I just call him that?).
Who could demand more, especially considering the past? "Past" being the key word here.
I communicated back, and hopefully 'Alls well that ends well'. What does that quote even mean anyways.
Psh.

Confessions:
I dislike like eating food items that are 'broken', before I already break them.

I can't just tuck into a sandwich, I have to pull it part and eat the bits one at at time. I would do this with soup if it didn't defy the law of....
..ahem.
I also don't like my food to be breathed on. :) And NO I'm not a germy freak, I just have this complex with food. Shh!

I'm basically living all my friends relationships for them. And when I say all I suppose I mean several or "a few". I created Clayton's Valentines pressie (Australian for present) for Nicole, I even conjured up the blasted poem (which was sheer genius by the way- I even included a sea horse). And that's probably what I admire most about Clayton- the fact that he despises sea horses. Of all the species on this apple.

Anyway. That's only 1 example but I just became disinterested with the idea of breaking everything down.


I simply find it diverting that Clayton doesn't realize that he's actually dating me and not Nicole.

It makes me S.C.O.T.I. (Slightly chuckle on the inside)

Oh! That's one! I. A. A. A. (I'm all about acronyms)
MP (Minority Power)
NAWP (National Association for White People)
TWH (That was hilarious) -( Again, ms. Sarah came up with this. What a smart cookie. Cookie?)
.. I mean the list is continuous.
BPR (Black People Rule)- I use this one pretty frequently in my own head.

Side note- I still can't fathom this Michael Jackson "come back" business.

I also like making up words:
Huspaz! (it's better than hurray, and also some kind of conqueror)
Mebatabolism (if you have to ask... well... alright)

*pauses to go towel off dog*

My dog Tahoe loves the snow. He finds pleasure in pushing his nose down in it, rolling in it, etc. And every time I let him out he comes back with clumps of ice in between his pads and water crystals on the rest of his fur. He's adorable. Conjoined at the heart he and I.

CATH (Conjoined at the Heart)
I think you guys get it.


MLI
More later-ish.



Confession:
I love Lizzie McGuire
.




Sunday, March 8, 2009

16

Michael Jackson casting as Harry Potters next Voldemort.
And the Jam Box Music Torture -confining your victim in a small box while pumping out their favorite jams.

2 brilliant ideas conjured by the Best Friend and myself.


Brilliant I tell you.
We should make a talk show.
For all those people out there lonely and looking and wanting to know for themselves that there ARE in fact lower lifeforms. We only want to help!




I'm amazed that there is time for laughter. The last couple days have been hardly a good time. Passing away in your sleep completely unexpected should basically be banned from all human beings. Talk about a shocker.
However the gospel has one again saved me from otherwise potential feelings of destruction. The Plan of Salvation. The Plan of Happiness.

And what a Plan it is.
I almost puzzed Katie to death, however I DID tell her that I would forewarn her before the deed is done. For only Jess and Nichelle will know what happened. The others will look at each in unbelief and shock- repeating over and over again to each other " They SQUOZE each other to death". And yes the word "squoze" is ultimatley legit for this circumstance.. or to-be circumstance.

I want Karrie to go to Australia.
I'd like her as far away from me as possible. Ha ha.
No but really I just think it would be a good opportunity for her to see the amazing Out Back and the even greater DownUnder- and experience I deem necessary for all earth forms.


I ate a brownie today, I wish it would have eaten me.

Friday, March 6, 2009

15 March 6 2009



Jordan Goonan passed away this morning.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

14


My back is being attacked my an invisible bear.
That hip hop dancing really did me in.
I didn't even think I used my back that much.

I tried to tell (M) that it's over, because I just keep feeling resistance when it comes to our friendship. And I can't stand the way that I have to put SO MUCH effort into making conversation with him ALL the time.

Oh and this is embarrassing, so Convergy's won't even hire me because I did horribly on their math section of the application process. Whatever. They said to come back in 30 days, but I'm taking it as maybe that just wasn't the job for me. I came home and applied to work as a Nanny in New York City. I love that place, and it would be a nice change of pace. I'll just have to see if they get back to me, and if they do if they'll be flexible with school starting in Aug.

I went to LDS Employment Services today with (N) because she was thinking about working in Arizona. I can see her really enjoying it. But she didn't want to go in alone, and although I planned on making my way in there WITH her I saw Mrs. (R) and couldn't do it anymore. That lady is crazzzyy.

So I backed out and I think because of that it made Nicole back out as well. Well hopefully she'll go tonight or tomorrow, cause it'll be going on until then.


So apparently we're playing cards tonight. I feel like such a loser. Everyone there will have a date and I'll be the lone..... dateless.
I guess that's ok as long as I have a good time, but ya know, I just feel out of place and awkward.


I'm thinking of someone that I could invite but we'll see what happens.
My back hurts SO freaking much, But in the good news section of the day I'm excited to go back to hip hop dance class tomorrow night because I had SO MUCH fun there the other night. Even if my body is in full revolt now.


I love my dog.
He's the best dog in the entire world.
I need a car, but have NO money.

I shouldn't have gone to Thailand. That's what I think all this means. I just should have come home when everything was getting out of control. How many days did I go without sleeping? I don't even know. How many times did I call mom in fits of hysteria.. I don't know.
And then I decided to go, and as much fun as it was... I think I missed out on something here. A job. That's what I keep thinking about.


I'm so full.
I'm so fat.
I saw Bride Wars last night and I want to be thin like THOSE 2 girls.


Ugh.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

12 Mediocrities of Socrates!


16 days and I turn 21.
That's irrelevant at this point.

I had an amazing weekend. I went down with my girls to the city and had a blast. The Chinese food was amazing and so was our night full of memory making and laughter.
(W) as an old man was the funniest topic of conversation. He's totally going to be deaf and be the one that screams random profanities, or mutters them continually under his breath. So freaking funny.

She told me that she had weed hidden in her room.
But I didn't even WANT to smoke pot! It was great!
The 2 o-clock in the morning NyQuil run, looking for hookers on N.T. and Pokerface!
That songs gets me hot. I can't lie. So does Panic At The Disco.

Funny as.
The view of the city was amazing, as were the little shops that we made purchases at.
It gave me an idea about starting my own Fair Trade Store at some point. I love the idea, and it's honest!

(W) acted weird last night. Maybe it's because of the pills. I thought he was mad at me. (S) didn't know that I was coming over because I don't think that (W) told him. Embarrassing, showing up at his house when obviously he didn't want me there. That's how he acted anyways. I like talked with (B) cause he makes me laugh way hard! (R) was funny to, but he was drunk off his rocker.

Church was good today.
I shared my testimony for the 1st time in 10 yrs. It felt good.
I was so nervous, my voice shook the whole time. But I didn't cry and I didn't stumble on my words which was really all I wanted to have happen.
I used the phrases (Disco Knees, and Blow My Brains Out) within my testimony- it was a very good day and I felt good that people enjoyed it.
(D) whistled Hymn # 284 If You Could Hie to Kolob for me after sacrament meeting and then ran off to his meetings! What a busy bee!!

During Relief Society (A) invited me to a birthday party for Angie. Since when does she invite me to anything. I won't go, because I know that there will be drinking. She'll make me feel inferior and stupid. And... why would I put myself through all this?

Well, I wouldn't!
Snow shoeing at some point this week, if (S) is really serious about going.


I don't really feel like I have options anymore.
A mission sounds great, and it feels good to.
I'd like to date someone.
I'd like to go back to school.
I'd like to travel some more, or simply just get the freak out of here.

I'd like to do all these things.
We'll see what happens.
Job interview on Wednesday.
And until then I"ll just be hanging out. Cleaning my room. AGAIN. Sorting my music. AGAIN. Trying to escape my medocrity. AGAIN.

It's a pretty sweet cycle. Vicious but safe right?


I just feel sick all the time.


Confessions:
I opened the bag of Dark Dove Chocolates yesterday and am slowly making my way through them. There's a chance there won't be that many left by Tuesday.
I won't tell you that though.

I want to drink the mixers. Just cause they're fun and I don't want them hanging around in my closet.

In other news I bought insence.
4 sticks of Sex On The Beach
2 Cherry Vanilla
1 Black Love
2 Happy
1 Hemp

And a holder. Wood with golden flecks through it.
I burned a Sex On The Beach today.
It smells the way... it's named.
It's awesome.

Confessions:
I think having sex on the beach wouldn't be that much fun. To much grit and sand.
In the ocean however...

I hate showering, but I LOVE bathing!
I'm NOT excited about my birthday.
I'm probably going to show up Black French Man tomorrow.
And I won't feel bad about it. At all.

I'm not attracted to anyone.
It's a strange feeling.

Later

So I had another Bishop's interview. He appreciated my testimony and told me that it brought him close to tears. I like that. But I didn't really share if for anyone else but me. I had about 6 people mention how I used "Blow my brains out" within my testimony. Many more came and thanked me. It was nice, but I didn't really know what to say. Michael Murray said that he enjoyed it. THAT one DID actually mean something. That kid is amazing and has a very strong testimony and desire to be a good person. I love it, and he's been a phenomenal example to me as I've struggled my way back into the church.

I feel happy and light and like things are going my way.
I also talked to Alicia today about her mission call and what the process was like. Her feelings, her worries, what she has to buy. I'm so excited for her. We talked briefly about (M) and (M) and how they were both doing on their missions. I guess she hasn't kept in contact with LA boy and hasn't bothered to write Connecticut man yet. That's ok though , because I only JUST wrote CO man about a week ago. It'll be interesting to see if he writes back, but I won't be all that surprised if he doesn't. I imagine that could be pretty strange for him.

(N) told me that she told her mom about my sharing today.
You know it kind of IS a big deal.
The first time I've done that in some 10 odd yrs. I was scared and probably prayed about 20 billions times for my heart to calm down and my body to stop trembling. It worked.
I'm glad that I did it though. I trusted in the Lord to give me courage and I found that as soon as I took the first step and stood up that I easily carried myself up to the stand.

I love this gospel with all my heart.


I've been talking to Japan man (S). Texting him and such. What a funny guy, and he totally wants to go snow shoeing at night with me and other at some point this week so that's super exciting. I'm just glad that other friendships are starting to form because the ones that I have currently are... shady in a variety of ways!

But the church is true so I can keep on going.
It's just been such a good day for spiritual experiences, and how greatful I am for that and for the strength that I've recieved throughout this blessed fasting day. Even though I didn't actually fast. I ate like.. a million Goldfish crackers and some dark chocolate.
What a morning right?

In other news I'm starting to break out and it sucks.
I think I'm about to be on the rag and that's.... good, but I hate the part where it's not quite there yet so I'm eating volumes of food, breaking out, and feeling bloated... oh and depressed. That normally accompanies all of that.

Oh well, it'll come and be over soon enough and then I can go back to feeling REALLY great about myself.


I think it may be time to get my act together and get to work on my papers. I just feel so good about it when I'm thinking about it, or praying about it, or sitting in that mission prep class. Oh and all of a sudden I don't have feelings for Canadian man anymore.

.. I just felt my breasts. They're pretty tender. I'm totally going to be on the rag soon. And I hope it's heavy. There's nothing better than a strong heavy flow. It just feels so good.

Canadian man.. yeah.. all of a sudden I don't really see anything happening. And maybe it's because of this mission thing.. or because I've been praying to know what to do. Well, I don't think it has anything to do with him. Which makes things easier for me. Now I just have to deal with (W) and Black French Man.

Tomorrow though. I can't do all of this tonight. :D

(S) is coming over to play some games. Probably to talk as well. Who knows? I don't really care! As long as I have some kind of company because I am in a GREAT mood.
Things have gone well, and I feel happy.


It's about freaking time.