Hmm..
What to express about the last couple of days....
What to express about the last couple of days....
Nicole's 21st birthday was an absolute hit of ecstasy! She really appreciated the memory box, and now I need to work on finding her a Zen Rock Garden {Also, I totally forgot to take photos OF her box of magical memories- those will be put up later-ish}. We can't remember where we saw them! The Fair Trade Store? Uh.. Borders? Earthly Awakenings? If I can't track 1 down, then I'll go with the Bamboo-boo plant.. but she's been a yearnin' for a rock garden for a long time now..
We joked about going to the bar and throwing a few back, but what a better way to spend a day celebrating life- and remembering it. Huh. We played "the Tournament"- which I personally like to call Extreme Snap. Way more fun with lots of people, and in the final round it was me vs. Mike. He totally won. Whatever. I dominated at Scattergories which made up for it. Quid pro quo right? And uh.. yeah!
In other news. I'm working on buying my motorcycle [sickle]. Daddy is still trying to talk me out of it. And his logic IS difficult to ignore. Life expectancy depletion. What about winter? Having to get my motorcycle license. What about in the long run? I mean. I get it. I really do. But unless he wants to help me purchase that gorgeous orange Suburu [drools a little]... no matter. It may be that I can't get a loan from the bank. It MAY be that he gets to decide for me. (slightly frowned face)
Been thinking about school. Or trying very hard NOT to think about it. Classes begin in about 2 weeks and the closer it gets the more I feel like running away {that and other very pressing matters}. I don't feel like University is for me. Perhaps a trade school would be more to my liking, but in case I decide that Uni is for me- it would be a great ++additive++ to have those Math courses behind me. No one has called me about Elements and it's been assumed that they've been trying to get people trained. But they don't answer my calls- so.. what do I do? I start working at the Aquatic Center on the 6th. I'm so nervous and jittery about everything.
I feel like there are so many things I need to get done.
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-Buy books for school/Tuition
-Transportation?
- Somehow get in touch with Elements/Pay for uniform ($$$)
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- Figuring out if I can go to Texas for 10 days with my fam.
-St. Gizzy this weekend with Meggae Reggae?
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-Finding an apartment?
-Sending Matt's letter
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-Haircut/Dentist appt.
-Lagoon trip
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-Transferring my records
-Tithing.
Ugh. That list is so BIG. Why.. why.. why...
....and then him.
Just when I feel totally ready for marriage, that very thing becomes a very possible-very very very possible- event in my extremely near future. And all I feel like doing is running. I've been preparing for this for the past 2 years. 2 I tell you! Spiritually I feel ok! But now I'm freaking out because I don't feel mature enough for this. What about all the things I still want to do! All the travel and other experiences. I don't know how to cook very well! I don't know how to handle finances together WITH someone. What I've done has always been for me. Buying things for me, going places for me, working at things for me. And now trying to make it a team effort!?! What's the rush anyways! Ah! Be careful what you wish for I guess! But man, I didn't expect it so quick.
I still have time.
We're both still adjusting. I told him I'm not in a hurry because I still feel really inadequate. And I'm nervous about settling. I mean, this is great.. but what if this isn't what's best.
Good thing he's so understanding. And good thing he's agreed to take this slow. I'm so hesitant all of a sudden. So scared of messing up, or making the wrong decision. I have this insane urge to move away... far far far far far far away.
I'm so afraid. And we've done nothing except talk about it.
I can feel my mind packing things up and storing them away.
Jittery Jibblies.
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