Monday, September 7, 2009


I'm no longer employed at the swimming pool. w00t w00t. Which is just as well because I had one of the WDE yesterday. L-o-n-g-e-s-t day of my entire life. Time crawled along like a stupid slimy slug on a clear pane of glass. Every time I peered up from beneath my sunnies at the clock assuming that at LEAST another 60 min. SHOULD have passed it had only been about [[2 min.]]

Things sped up considerably within the final hour because that's when people actually showed up. Watching a family of 6, in a facility that holes about 3,000 people for 5 effing hours isn't what I call a "party". Also. We didn't have to pull mats over the pools so I got out of there earlier than I expected.

But I'm proud of myself.
Never late.
Never missed a day.
Never called in sick.
Never switched with someone.
Never took another person's shift.
And I helped out continually with showing up early when the highschoolers went back in school.

I owe nothing to anyone. And that is a fantastic feeling.
Mission. accomplished.

After arriving back at home, devouring my dinner and changing, I promptly lay down in bed ready to relax and soak up the rest of my weekend. That's when Sarah Lynne text me saying we should go visit the Warrens. She was right-of course. So we headed down and I had a chance to tell her how school was going, about Manny (old) and Wylie (new). She updated us on Matt and his mish... and we actually got out of their a little early because Tyler came over and they needed to spend some time with him also.

So we headed down and went on drive because... no school. We drove from Sville, to Ptown all the way to Pcentral and back. Pretty long drive. Plus we got pulled over because Sar was going 20 over. ( ah ha!) Also. Turns out her license is {{suspended}}, but we have no idea what for? Fun stuff.

. Our Topic of Conversation? .
The 2nd Coming/ Apocolypse/End of the world. However YOU title it. We discussed wars, and turmoil, chaos and sorrow. But I just didn't see what she saw. And that added an interesting twist to our convo.

When I think about the end of the world. I don't see your classic or assumed weaponry. I don't envisions bombs, or aircraft, machine guns, etc. Honestly... I envision a line. And 2 groups of people on either side of the line facing each other. There isn't any throwing of punches, or lashing out verbally. No shouting or yelling. Each group simply, absolutley, cemented in their beliefs and knowledge out "life".
-->Father against son.<--
-->Sister against sister. <--
-->Friend against friend. <--

I also see beings on both sides lowering, changing, or throwing away beliefs to walk up to the line for an embrace from those on the other side. A heartbreaking image.
Gaping, raw, soul holes. And sadness on several accounts.

It makes me relect back to Joseph Smith's time. And how people would die for Christ, die for the Gospel, and die for God's church on the earth. That was their sacrifice. [[[[[Their lives.]]]]]
That doesn't apply to us now ( that's not to say that people haven't been killed spreading the word).
Instead of him asking us to die for him.. I feel like he's asked us to live for him.

And our sacrifice isn't going to be mortality... that would be easy ( harsh as that may sound)... our sacrifice is going to be family and friend ties. Loved ones. Long lasting relationships.

That's our sacrifice.

And as difficult as that's going to be. And as much sorrow and fatigue that will cause, I feel like I've been put on this earth at this time to BE a witness of Christ. It's been said and written time and time again that this generation is and will be stronger than any others before us.. and I have a responsibility to live up to that.

She's- Sarah Lynne I mean- is going through something that I went through several months ago. I think we all experience it at some point. Treading a line between being a friend or family member, but NOT supporting what that friend or family memeber may be doing. And then wondering if you're either under or over doing it. Trying to come to terms in a way that doesn't leave anyone hurt and feeling alienated, including yourself.
And it was really hard for me. And I know I'm lucky to have retained several friendships that at one point and some of the scariest points of my life) I thought couldn't survive.

And for now, things are perfect in that sense. I tried to help her put things into perspective by asking her the classic question "What would Jesus do in this situation?" And she basically agreed with the thoughts I had. I don't hang out with certain groups of people because of their life choices. And it doesn't mean that I hate anyone. Or that I'm judging them, which is something that I don't think people REALLY understand as much as they want to. There is judgment but it's not coming FROM me TO someone else. It's simply ME judging MYSELF. And if a person makes a choice to do certain things, believe certain things, or go a different way then me.. then I in turn have the choice to no longer associate, or simply distance myself from them.

And that has nothing to do with judging, or hating.
It's about free agency which is (at least in America)been nationally recognized as acceptable.

So how then do we know that if what we're doing in those tricky situation is 100% ok. And that's where faith, and trust in the Holy Ghost comes in. We've been given that for a reason, and it's something that I've come to rely on heavily. I know when I feel weird, or uncomfortable. And I've never been in a situation where I've felt that way and it wasn't for ANY reason. There has always been a huge story behind my feelings of discomfort in situations. Always.
And that tells me something about the way the Holy Ghost protects from things that would limit my own personal spiritual goals.

And even without the Holy Ghost, the light of Christ has been put into every single person that has lived, is living, or will live on the earth. There are basics that everyone knows whatever religion, race, or culture you're from.
Take something like stealing. Everyone knows stealing is wrong.
Lying. Everyone knows that's wrong.
There are thousands of examples that could be used. People know the difference between right and wrong. And the Holy Ghost simply enhances those feelings for me, on things that are exponentially more internal than external.

It was just a really good conversation. And I love that we share similar feelings, and that we both have different takes on things. Refreshing.

I don't want to say to much about him, and I'm not really sure why. I want the things I feel to remain the way... they are. And I feel like once it's spoken out loud, or written down, then there are a billion ways to intrepret whatever "it" is. And I like the pure and simple feeling I have right now.

Just know that he's important. And maybe I'll expand more in several weeks.

So things for this week. I need to come up with some kind of Service Project that my ward can do. They want to have a party, but I feel like we should be serving more as a ward and branch. So Iwas thinking a Super Hero party where we can all dress up, have refreshments, play some games but then go out and do SuperHero deeds. Like raking leaves, digging a path, weeding a garden, or getting together a meal for one of the 60 familes that are facing unemployment.
Good idea right? We'll see how it flies.

School is still going well. Incredibly head in ALL of my classes though it's not without some hard work and more than just a bucket full of tears. The other night I was working on my Math homework with Daddy and I couldnt understand what he was asking me to do with those stupid numbers on my paper. I just broke down and he held me for a couple minutes until I calmed down. And then we went back to work, but it just sends me reeling back in time to all the OTHER times when I just haven't understood and just ended up crying. So many tears have been shed over this stupid subject. And I'm sure it's far from over. Not encouraging. But all my other classes are BOMB so. Rock on.

Top 20 Greatest Things About College Thus Far:

1. I have a schedule that keeps me busy.
2. It works perfectly with all my other schedules ( working out, grooming, cleaning, etc)
3. My classes are interesting and my professors competent.
4. I'm taking Institute for the first time and I can tell the difference in my mood.
5. I'm feeling fearless instead of cowardly.
6. The "dub".
7. I'm ahead.
8. I've lost more weight.
9. I've made about 10 more friends
10. I've come to terms with friends that don't ever give me the time of day anymore. It's all good!
11. I'm smiling more, and it's not fake ( because it totally was at first)
12. I joined Choir, Step Club, Black Student Union, EWB ( engineers without borders) and Muliticultural Club.
13. I also joined a chapter of IWA
14. The weather has been amazing
15. My cars miles per gallon on glass has somehow come UP so I'm not paying as much, or as often.
16. My room is pimped out, exactly the way I want it.
17. I'm getting enough sleep and haven't gotten sick yet.
18. My employment worked out perfectly.
19. I won't have a job for about 2-3 weeks ( and I'm looking forward to it)
20. We already have a break from school. Today.Labor Day.

Time to get bizzay!

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