Thursday, November 19, 2009


Writing a personal ad? For me?
I wonder what I'd write. I have no thoughts on this right now, but I would really like to experiment with it. I wonder what I'd say about myself, and what I think would go well with my personality... interesting. I don't know how I would narrow myself down into a couple sentences. I don't really understand how anyone does it? Everyone could write one billion books that had to do all about them because we are so complicated.. all of us.

Chat session with Sarah Lynne. It gave me a lot to think about.. along with everything that I already HAVE been thinking about. Just things like why I do things the way that I do. And about how my experiences are the only things that I really have to go off of. And just the way I think in general. These were the things I was already thinking about, and not what I discussed with Sarah Lynne.

And about how I don't believe the Lord made a mistake when He gave me certain personality traits. There has been a lot of talk about changing qualities. Physical and Spiritual. And I understand there are things that I definitely could change. Like concentrating more on other people then perhaps myself. I don't really know why I keep falling back into this trap. I think about me and I'm never really happy. Not that I loathe myself or anything, but I don't see all the things that I see in everyone else- which I guess would be a good reason why I do try and focus on other people so much. It saves ME from feeling like I'm.. not doing what I'm supposed to be doing I guess. There are other things, I could try harder in school I guess, put more effort into Arithmetic. Act instead of react.
Calm down.
Trust the Lord more.

The list goes on and on. But there are things that I worry about changing. Sometimes I feel as though I should be more social ( ya know, putting myself out there or whatever). And that's all fine and dandy. But I worry about losing the talents I have BECAUSE I'm not the loudest one in a crowd, or spotlight of the event, center of attention. I like being able to pick up on the moods of other people because I'm not distracted by my own. I enjoy having people feel safe talking to me because I can keep things to myself. I love feeling trusted. That's not to say that anyone that is or could be more outgoing then me CAN'T be those things. But I feel those are things that I've been given instead of outstanding confidence. Does that make sense?

I dunno. I sure talk about myself a heap for someone that truly tries to focus on other people huh? I guess that's what happens in conversations sometimes, and on a blog. That part makes sense because it's mine.

Anyways. We'll see how things go this weekend.
And I get to see Dave tomorrow. It's nice to have little things to look forward to, even though it will never amount to anything probably most likely. I wish he knew that just by seeing him tonight it made my entire day a little bit better. It made me smile. And laugh. It wasn't a big deal, but that one thing made my night a bigger deal and a better deal then what was going on before I got there. So thanks, even though you like many others will never read this.

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