I think I'm yearning for an ocean. It wouldn't matter which one it was. A sea. Or gulf. Or sound. Water in general, something to dip my toes in and just.. sit. I'm not waiting my turn. It's MY turn. NOW. It wasn't so bad sitting on the porous rock but I wasn't sure if I should have chatted with "anyone" on Earth. He only seems to mess things up, though I know his intentions are good-or are they? The gym has turned in to CreepVille central and I wish Patrick was back. Natalie BOSS to though. We walked down the the stadium today, and I know now that nothing will ever happen, because it hasn't happened THUS far ya know? I don't know who we're kidding, it's NOTHING but severely uncomfortable-for me anyways. I find myself MAKING myself yawn because I've got nothing to say and don't want to seem anxious. So I yawn a lot and hum to myself because he's just {there}. And what's the POINT of that?
There was never a point to just "being".
I have tan lines on my thighs and upper arms from biking and sidewalk chalking it up this afternoon. It's the suns gift to me, and I couldn't be more grateful. When I say sun, I mean Him. Forget the shade! And bring on some sunshine! Blue skies and good times! Can't wait to start work because it's WORK. Inservice CPR recert tomorrow with them. But it's alright because I'm getting paid for it. Ugh. Tax returns are a joke this year, but I'll use the money on some new workout songs, and maybe some piano stuff. Have YOU ever SEEN such a beautiful night? I could almost kiss the stars for shining so bright.
Texas.
Freak. Just come back so we can sit and chat. You're distant distant, as opposed to just.. distant. This isn't what my dream is made of. Summer moving? Maybe. I know who I am. That's it. I could search the world and never figure it out. I don't have to sail the oceans. It's not a mystery.
It's here and now. NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW. Impatient? Yes!!
Hey now. Shout! Scream! Jump.
Suckerfish! I love that smile. Technicolour.
Volleyball! We're only friends when YOU want to be. I hope one day you learn that, and then change. THAT'S what my dream is about.
-Trying To Keep My Brain In My Head-
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