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{I've figured it out!}
You see because I've gone back and forth on this one billion times, the fact that things have been solid (in my mind) for awhile (meaning at MOST 3 weeks) says to me that something needs to be done, and done fast. That explains the frantic feeling, because while I KNOW that a change (in my mind) is inevitable, I don't want it to change to some kind of negative like:

I'm too frustrated.
I don't feel like me.
Man, I'm ugly.

Or a combination of any of those.

So you see, that's why I've been stressing. I'm so glad I GET that now, even though it does absolutely nothing to change the present panic. Knowing feels IS progressive regardless. It's been revolutionary. Freeing even. I had all these preconceived ideas and expectations about how I thought things should, would, could go? And now it's the opposite.

There's absolutely zero pressure. And I have zero expectations. Zero, zero, zero, zero.
I'll do my thing, he'll do his. And "what will be will be."

I'm sure he'll like that idea. Right? I mean, sure, I can see it sucking hard at some point in the future but.. whatever, I'm good with it for now and I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just gonna have fun, laugh a bunch, and have a great time doing what I do best-whatever that is.

In other news, I've lost another 2lbs, and more inches!
Woot!
3 around my hips!
1 around my waist!
1 around my thigh,
1 around my upper arm.
[6inches]

I mean, there's not much more I can lose before I start losing muscle too- and people, I'm 20 LBS AWAY FROM MY GOAL WEIGHT! I guess that's the wrong way to put it-how bout' this? If I lose 20 more lbs, I will be exactly where my body to fat ratio says I SHOULD be ( and that's not BMI-which is trash-in case you didn't already know ). I'm stoked, and it's totally doable and realistic between now and the end of the summer. Cake walk.

I.love.Patrick! Great personal trainer and I owe him...so much. He's taught me so much about variety, and goal setting, and he's always motivating me to be better- and he NOTICES my progress and takes special care to acknowledge that. And I'm grateful he does, even if no one else can see it because it's been so gradual. I should probably do something awesome for him, like get him a ten punch pass to the pool, movie tickets, or some kind of somethin' somethin' for being so freaking rad! I saw a picture of me that was taken right before I started to make some changes.

I almost burst into tears looking at it. I was so unhealthy, and sad, and just TIRED all the time. Now I have energy boozging (boo-zshing) out my brain, I'm so happy, I'm healthy, and I love my body and all it can do! It hasn't been a diet, it's been a lifestyle change and he's been an unchanging support.

Love.Him.

So for today:
I'm supposed to be making some kind of fruit pizza for the work party tonight.
I definitely need to spend some time with Sarah and see what the HECK has been going on.
At some point I'd certainly like a nap.
And that's honestly all I've got going on.

Good day. Good.Day.