Friday, August 13, 2010


{It's time to grow up.}

I dunno. Lately I've been feeling really "teenage". No, maybe that's the wrong word, more just inexperienced, undeveloped, immature, or like I've been taking the backseat most of my life. Alright.. ."teenage" it is.... I don't know if I have or not, I'm just saying that's sorta kinda what it's been feeling like.

Let's take school for example. Always a BAD example because I kinda suck at school but.. SCHOOL.
I don't regret the decisions I made to take a year off and travel, and all the other times I took semesters off because I didn't have the motivation that was needed, or work was more important, or this was just WHERE I WAS IN LIFE. I learned more in that year than I have in my entire life, I'd go back and do the same thing over again if that was a possibility. BUT. Everyone IS ahead of me in their ya know.. educational careers. Not that I KNOW what I want to do REALLY yet, or that I really WANT a career.. but .. they're ahead.

I feel immature.

How about work for example. WORK. I was looking around the other day, and I DO have a lower level job at the place I work. There are people younger or my same age managing the place or with better titles and higher pay. I've never applied for those types of jobs, and I guess it's because I feel as though.. it's one of those things were you get in with the people you know, or with other such experiences you've had. And.. I just don't have either of those things where I work. BUT. I know that I could manage and work harder and more efficiently then some of the clowns that are in those positions now. So why don't I do something about it? I don't I apply for these higher paying jobs with more responsibility?

Because I feel immature.

How about dating for example. DATING. Oh GOSH. Where do I even begin? I've realized that, I just don't how HOW to date. It's a skill, and I just don't seem to have it. I suck at dating. I'm either too passive, or somewhat aggressive. I have a hard time going with the flow. I have a hard time with limbo. I have certain needs that make me seem juvenile. I need to be complimented. I need to feel as though I'm needed. I need to be on the same page and KNOW that I'm on the same page with the other person involved. I need someone who wants to sit and just talk every now and then. I KNOW I need that. But.. ya know.. I mean I don't need to go into the problems that that causes. The neediness. But it seems pretty simple to me. There's the problem.

I'm really immature.

So here's what I'm gonna try and do.
School. I'm going to sit on Sunday and really go through all the different majors offered at my University and try to figure out the best way to go about it. Even if that means designing my own major, online classes, workshops, or.. whatever. I'm going to get it paid for, figured out my books, etc.

I'm going to find a different job. I'm going to apply for jobs that I've never had before and I'm going to use the "ins" that I have to get some higher pay, and maybe some experience for something later on in the future. Also. I'm going to start shadowing Patrick for personal training information.

Ef. I think for now, I'm just not going to care. Try and figure out MYSELF before I try to figure out this retarded situation I'm in with {s}.

Camping next weekend. FINALLY.
I can't wait for the fire, tunes, tinfoil dinners, ghost stories, gossip, games, laughter, the lake, kayaking, biking, nature, etc. SO ready for that. And then hopefully SkyDiving for my last SHAZAAM of summer.

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