Wednesday, December 1, 2010


{Keep Calm and Carry On.....Now Panic and Freak Out} not.

Even just from Monday, things have been improving exponentially. I still don't know what the root of my fears stem from. Well. I KNOW but haven't known how to eliminate it. I have my answer, and I'm sticking to it, and I KNOW that it's right. It's not a question anymore, but the fear of where it could lead or NOT lead, or the things that I'm going to have to do, or might not be able to do still linger in the back of my head. It's not coming from God. And it's the worst feeling in the world.

It's not a surprise that Institute today touched on this. I can't BELIEVE, EVER, how blessed I am. How in line everything that I've been struggling with has been touched on in this class, even the very same day. I've felt invisible in my realm of the world for so many months now but over and over in this class I've felt an increase of love from the spirit reassuring me that I'm not insignificant, or unimportant, or not lost in the sea of every human being who has lived, is living and who will live. It just reminds me that I matter and that's been vital this year.

I knew that this would be a year of decision making. There were several months there, were I was paralyzed with anxiety. I didn't DO anything for fear of making the wrong choice, or not doing the right thing. It was complicated because leading up to this point I've made the right decisions, in the right way, and it's left me with a lot of heartache. I understand that those things needed to happen, sacrifice is part of this plan, but losing several people to one person might just be... well, leaving losing several people- where ONE person to me feels like EVERYONE. But the Lord requires that you take that first step of faith, and that's probably been one of the most difficult things I've had to experience and learn how to do. Trust.

And it's not because I don't think my Father in Heaven has my back, or that he doesn't know my heart.
He does.
It's all been about learning to trust myself.

That's what I have to do now.
Is trust the feelings that I've had about how to approach every aspect of my future, because there are certain things that I know he wants me to pursue.
We discussed this talk: "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence"

It's exactly what I need at this EXACT moment in my life. I'm overwhelmed with how much love I feel within this gospel from my Heavenly Father, his timing, and my own ability in recognizing it. He is merciful, and the most important thing to me in the world right now is knowing how much he cares about me. And I know that's how much he cares about everyone else to.

I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone! So if you find you have 10 minutes to spare, take time to enjoy this talk. It will uplift you, and if you're like me, leave you weeping with happy tears. :S

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