Sunday, December 19, 2010


{3 hours of sleep in 2 1/2 days.}

Dark circles forming under my eyes.
Lay in bed all afternoon trying to get some shut eye.
To no avail.
It's not a big deal, most of the time-mostly just annoying. But a little stressful sometimes because you're mind just goes and goes and goes.

It's been a roller coaster the last couple of days-weeks?
Good. Then bad.
Happy. Then back to upset.
Control. No control.

Up and down.
Just an intense mental battle all around.

I feel badly that at the times when I'm not handling this trial well, I'm not handling it well. If that makes sense. I KNOW how much I'm blessed and I know how good a life I have. And in those moments where I know I'm giving up, or I feel so angry that I can't think straight I forget about all the blessings I have in my life. I forget about all the tender mercies that the Lord gives me every single day. I forget that He loves me. I left a little early from church today. Partly because I finally felt exhausted enough to sleep (was way excited) and partly because I could feel a bad spell coming on.

Before I arrived home, the spell was in full throttle. I crawled up to my room to wait it out. In those couple of minutes I received several texts from friends. Nothing big or important but to know that they were thinking about me was comforting. To know that I'm still here is comforting.

A few minutes after that I received a text about finding some scriptures to use for a visiting teaching lesson. That got me into the scriptures and reading and remembering things about the Christmas and the Atonement. I felt more like myself. Then mum came in and shared some things that she'd learned in her Sacrament meeting at Daddy's ward about the Atonement also. What she shared was so directly related to me and the things that I'm working through right now, that I honestly couldn't breathe until she left the room and I could think about it.

Exactly what I needed to hear.
I wish I would have understood the concept she shared with me before I did what I've done the last couple of weeks. But I can start over-from here- and I'll work it out.

Thank God (literally) for my mother.

Heather is back.
I didn't get to talk to her as much as I wanted at church, but she'll be at ward prayer tonight and I can't wait to around her! So uplifting and positive and beautiful and fun! She's my sun!

NEED sunshine right now.

I can't handle much lately- so I'm working on short term goals until things calm down.
So for this week:

Buy 1 new pair of jeans (for work)
Visiting teaching Mon. & Tues.
FHE Tues.
Body Transformations Tues. & Thurs.
Mom's Christmas present.

Good moment.

No comments:

Post a Comment