The real life experience is not exciting, spontaneous or a crazy adventure all the time. Real life is the hard and tedious, the dull and difficult, the mundane tasks of thriving and surviving. Every now and then something might happen that takes you off on a temporary tangent, things get wild and ridiculous-but you should never love a wild thing. A wild thing is..just that-inconsistent, so much potential for mistake or regret. Real life is the grunt of the human experience, I want THAT. I'm realizing this, and also that wanting that is perfectly okay. And if you want consistency, YOU must be consistent.
Been going through a trying time. I've had to go back through my chain of chosen people in my support system. All links have remained strong with one exception. And how's that saying go? "A chain is only as strong as it's weakest link". My "weak link" is a wild thing. And while it hasn't destroyed my chain, it HAS made the last week more difficult than it's needed to be. And life right this second is more confusing than it should be.
You see, we think we're unattached. That all of us is still there even though some negative things happened. We thought we couldn't be touched or harmed if we just play the part. As a gap has formed and proximity has expanded we began to realize we gave away more of ourselves than we realized and we lost more than we found. And what's more is we can never get that back. It will always be lost, and it can't ever be returned.
Never give a wild thing....anything.
The other night we went on a date.
Tried to go rock climbing but it was too late so we went and bowled instead. It was awesome! And after we played air hockey, he tried to win me a toy out of one of those claw machines. So much laughing. Back at my apt, pillow fight, light chatter, then heavy chatter.
I love him.
So I'm going to make him dinner next week. :D