5

The eliptical kicked my trash today.
I had to close my eyes for the last 10 min. to help push myself all the way to the end.
I was drenched with sweet smelling sweat. My hair was frizzy, my skin warm and moist.
My heart was pumping it's steady beat and my muscles contracted repeatedly.

Oxygen flowing in and out regenerating my blood cells.
Healthy.
That's how I feel.

Confessions:

I'm starting to get protective. It's true. I told you how it was because I wanted to make sure that YOU knew where I stood.
Why I'm doing this I have no idea. I have no claim on him. He didn't want ME. There. It's out. He broke up with me not the other way around. He DID however say that he was falling in love with me and that's why. The mission. It's always the mission. Which is alright, it's just come inconvienently every time. His letters basically spell out that he won't be interested when he comes back. It won't matter what I do. I can try and slim down, and spiritually prepare myself.. .but..

I'm just trying not to get my hopes up, or have any expectations at all. Even being friends is quite questionable.

I believe pineapple is good in, and with everything.
However I only REALLY like pineapple from Thailand the "land of smiles".

It's a secret. But I'm starting to like the smell of meat. Beef in particular.
WHAT THE? I'm afraid of myself for even writing that. It won't matter though. I'll keep on being a vegetarian because I have been so long. Why change anything now?

I confessed everything to my bishop.
He still thinks that I can go for a recommend because I KNOW that I've made mistakes.
He told me not to be to hard on myself. He knows that I am. And of course I will be on this.
But today I feel good. I feel, light and happy.

I never paid that $700.
I said I did, but I didn't.
I will.
I am.

I'm taking a blind leap of faith that one of these jobs will call me up and get me on the payroll. I'm not sure what I'll do if they don't. I may have to settle for a call job, and maybe.. heaven forbid a convenient store.
I AM going to do summer math courses, and I WILL be going back to school in August.

You told me that (M) is moving out and that I could take her contract.
Well.. you're going to Arizona. And I wanted to move out WITH YOU.

I have $22 to my name.
I act like I have more.
I don't.


I need to hand things over to God.


In other news, I just found the most reliable news source in America.
TheOnion.com.