40

Went to login to Facebook this morning and up popped a porn website?
*jibblies*

So angry. I can still taste the frothy acid on my lips. My stomach has been churning the last couple days and this incident surely didn't help. Disappointment swelling, I still get upset about the new layout. Everything is so big and annoying- I'm not blind, and hardly ever patient!

I'll have to update our firewalls and such.
I hate that I can't be safe anywhere. Not even at home, on my own [bad word] computer.
And I worry about my siblings.

12:53pm

Guess I should be accustomed to this treatment by now. I definitely expected it. I think. Everyone's been silent for a couple weeks now- some a solid month or 2, and I suppose that should settle the issue, help me move on. A lot of the anxiety vanishes about this time. Mornings are the worst because I awake a 7:00am. Trying to go to bed around 11:30pm.

My body adapted to the sun cycle; that's what I'm striving for.
I'd really like the weather to clear up so I can go on my much anticipated vision quest.
10 days of fasting in the wilderness- or in this case the canyon (water though, always water).
Just me, and nature striving to become one. No cell phone, or camera. No car, no nothin'. Just whatever I can carry on my bike, the shoes on my feet.
With all this snow though...

Alaska. Alaska. Alaska.
I'm restless.
I can take the job and get out of here in less than 3 weeks.
But am I running away? Again?

Heart. don't fail me now.
Courage. don't desert me.

My ears are ringing.