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Conference.
Oh candied blessed conference.

Feelings of replenishment and a new breath of life *sucks in* are jam packing my pre-waning soul. More determined and optimistic! A final session to enjoy and then I'll give a full account of what I found significant to me, and the talks that I especially found pleasing.

For now. However.

Post Secret got my creative sauces a'swirling. [ My favorite/fantasy sauce is Teriyaki-I feel it's necessary you that read this, understand that.]


I've always been partial to collages, a sketch book choc-full of them-the back of my closet door is a mural- Old photographs, just stuff that everyone has but they don't know why.
I've decided to reconnect with my leading-edge and splurge in the expressionism.

These are some artful expressions that I did about 3 years ago. And some that I've done within the past year and a 1/2.



{I hated Florence. May 2007]



-This is the most recent.-It's a blue sky day outside. The snow is rapidly melting and the sun is embracing me from all sides. It's comforting, since last night's dream wasn't exactly a dream.. as much as it was a nightmare. No gurgling ghouls, or rattling skeletons, no grimly ghosts and vampires with a thirst of blood and sharp canine teeth. Just all my insecurities thrown together to make a dizzying abyss of despair.

Jan wanted me to go away, though she didn't ever actually tell me that. She told my friends behind my back that she "just doesn't like the way I am" and that "there's just that evil something in her countenance". Mike didn't give me the time of day. In fact at his homecoming he didn't even recognize me. As I tried to explain who I was, he heard my name and looked away. Then at college, I was there and struggling to figure out my math equations. My tutor [Jeff] eventually threw down his pencil and deemed me a "hopeless case". Daddy wasn't proud of me, my mom was irritated with me.
At home, I peeked in the mirror and didn't see me. Well I did.. but I probably weighed about 200 lbs more than I actually do. The tears came and Tori walked in and told me to "shut up" and that I was just "big fat crying baby".
It kept going.

My dog had died, Devon had killed him.
D'ojee was given away for some unknown reason.
I went to visit Jordan's grave and it was gone. Nothing was there. Only MY headstone with a horrifying epitaph chiseled into the granite bench. Nicole left without saying goodbye.

I finally pulled myself out of the REM cycle.
It was only a nightmare.... right?