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Free write:

joy happiness falling rock hike wind cave fire plastic first kiss jarren cemetery blue eyes ranch scott babies cat air breathe music sing voice record cup daisies work pitch black logan canyons river geese please story letter letter letter letter dress up young kids mission LA Australia family moving on losing off chapters beatings chair drive uneasy rest too hott sleeping bathtub water puppies yellow yellow yellow jackson past present future drip drip drip rain batter up grass Jasper posters earth waiting patience bubbles Bible blacking out unsure which way signs fork road up down black white tall short skinny fat here there anywhere everywhere nothing everything but that's something words meanings uncomfortable moments logs forrest fire bedding roses greenhouse rollercoaster memorial day weekend friday drive away text phone missing people Meggae 3am dark friendship strange static alone fear courage getting things down falling lap time bounce run ache love loss.


Currently making Memorial weekend something to be excited for. And I must say, I'm very pleased to be getting away for a bit, and of course for my parents beloved timeshare. I don't know if anyone will be accompanying me. I've mentioned it to Sarah Lynne but I can see her backing out. Nicole must work. I probably wouldn't go with Emily. Meggae will undoubtedly have plans with her family {which is ok, because I'm seeing her the NEXT weekend- ah yeah!} and Maria will have plans with Adam. But I don't care! Even if I end up going by myself there is a pool, a lake nearby, some hiking, biking {I can take my bike down}, photography opportunities and just the knowledge of having some time to myself, away from everything to get certain things sorted out.

Plus it will be HOT. And if there is anything at all to be excited for- that is one of those primary things. In the meantime I'll just endure this week of work and the expected drama, and look forward with optimism to the weekend.

Sighs.

Lately everything has felt.. imbalanced and there's no real pull leading more towards a certain path or anything. I'm signed up for school in a couple weeks, but it doesn't feel right. I thought about a mission, and now it doesn't feel really good anymore, dating doesn't feel good, moving to a different state doesn't- but staying doesn't either.

I kinda just feel like something big is coming, but I've been saying that for a long time and it still hasn't surfaced yet. And all of this is really strange because my last 1-2 1/2 year have fallen into place exactly as I wanted. It's like I made a list and went down it one at a time checking things off. Recently someone took that list, ripped it into a million pieces, crumpled everything up, doused it with gasoline, lit it on fire then put it out again before feeding it to a parasite that will eventually throw it up in someone else's bloodstream, leaving me with no plan, the ashes, and vomit.

That was really gross, but hopefully I'm making a point.
I need a break. And I just can't wait for the weekend!

:)