Wednesday, June 10, 2009


First kiss vs First GOOD kiss?

This was the topic of the last conversation I was involved in. With Nicole Amy. Just barely. It was actually pretty sweet to compare, so.. I thought I'd do that for all of you here {and for myself, since this is why I update}. Those of you that just.. don't want to know- please feel free to --skip-- this entire entry. I won't be offended {but only because I'll never know :D}

Ha ha! My first kiss is certainly something I would have "written home about", if...I hadn't been at home when it happened.. But NOT because it was foot-popping , breath-taking, heart -squa-eezing delicious! Mostly it was embarrassing, uncomfortable, and absolutely [[mortifying]] in every sense of the word. And more. Please bear with me as I recount this horrendous tale. Shivers.:

I was 17 years old. And stupid. 2 months away from being the BIG 18. And stupid. It was my first official "boyfriend"-gag me-. The name isn't important just know that it was a boy, who was 17 years old. And stupid. 1 month away from being the BIG 18. M&H {Me and he} had a tradition of taking drives up the beautiful and winding Smithfield canyon. It was freezing. I remember that. And nightime. I remember shivering as we fished & failed miserably for something to chit chat about because oddly enough, we were still in the "awkward stage" aka "Let's all feel young and retarded for a while, sound good!?". I remembered we talked about the frost building up on the windows, and the reason it was so cold was because we had to put the windows DOWN {by hand} to try and see the slick icy road. Once we came back down the canyon we cruised around the neighborhood, just commenting on the Christmas lights that were still up here and there, the weather, how it was night, the frost on the window, when all of a sudden he pulls the car over like a CMM (crazy mad man). I was literally thrust into the locked seatbelt. Whip lash, seatbelt burn on my neck. The works. Ouch.
The surrounding is important. We were on this shady backroad. Shady-back-dirt-scary-road. Trees suffocating the view to my right, and an ugly cement/gravel/pebble industrial plant to my left. The lights were flourescent white and blinding, the music was off {why why why why why??}, I felt claustrophobic- because the windows were now up, and I couldn't see out of the fogginess. And I looked at him {I'm sure} like he was insane. He doesn't say...anything- and I'm to shocked about what just happened, or maybe it's because I feel like part of my esophogas has been pushed inwardly-oh and lash burned-, to say anything either.. and then..

"Can....I kiss you?"

sidenote- asking CAN be cute. It can I tell you! But there are times when.. it's just not... I couldn't catch a break {of course} so obviously this was one of those times where it's anything BUT adorable.

"I guess" [what else am I going to say?]
"On.. the lips?"
"Uh... ok" [is this some kind of sick joke?]
"Ok, hold on while I put on some chapstick"

Triple "woah"!!WHAT?! So many things raced through my stupid 17 year old brain at this horrifying comment. Things like "What the "h"?", "Will he notice if I leap out the door" "What am I supposed to do, tweedle my freezing thumbs?" "Oh, sweet mercy SAVE me! SAVE ME!!!"

Uh. So after THAT'S finished (he took an incredibly long time to moisturize his kisser which doubled the already excruciating discomfort), he takes my face in his hands, they are cold, leans in, and plants one chapstick overloaded kiss on my freezing lips. And then after a sigh and an impish grin he finishes off this ill escapade with a : "Wow, that wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be."

Alright. Now I know that MOST people's first kiss stories are pretty shocking. Awkward. Gross. A let down. Humiliating, etc etc. However, I am proud (and so relieved) to say that I can jump into that category with flying colors. And relief. Did I mention I was relieved?!?! Screw all of you that "say" you had amazing first kisses!! I don't believe it for a second. Not one. 1. won.

After this.. doom... I swore that I would never kiss anyone. Ever again. I'm glad (now) that I didn't stick with my convictions. But thank goodness that happened- and more importantly that it's over- because no merging of lips.. .not one will ever top my first in the "uncomfortable" file in New York.
I mean, the only way you can go from there is up. Quite literally. And this is good.

Just writing it I feel like I'm back in that wintery stiff seat, blushing ridiculously because I'm so annoyed and frustrated, and I simply can't BELIEVE that my first liplock was going to happen THIS way.
I'm hoping that by writing it down, it will serve some sort of theraputic purpose.....
....right. That would be TOO easy.

On to happier things. MUCH happier things.

My first GOOD smooch-eroosie!
It's untouchable. Thus far. And "wowzer" to anyone that end ups topping it.
I was 20. And stupid {that part hasn't changed at all}. BDG!! Can you believe that I had to wait another 3 years until I had a good kiss? Incredible. Unfortunate. But... actually worth it. Hmm. :D

Alright. The story leading up to this monumental, and life changing moment in the life of me is absolutley crucial.
It had been a bad day. When I say "bad" I mean: my worst. Hands down. Undeniably. Intolerably. Completley. WDE {Worst Day Ever}. I was a full throttle, PTTM {pedal to the metal}, victim of Murphy's-blasted-Law. Everything was in shambles. For me. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. Anything with a "ally" as the suffix. You name it. In absolute shamblizzles. I finished off work, crying silent tears of rage, frustration, exhaustion, and.....happiness because it was over. I remember getting inside and rushing to the blessed shower. Every hot bead of water that beat against my skin.. cleansed, soothed, and invigorated. The steam swirled like magic around my head, my hair coiled slowly up in soft raven ringlets around my face, and the moisture, beaded on my face, washed away my hair pin headache and eye brow brick weights.

For how long I..indulged in this.. I know not. Except that it wasn't long enough. Is it ever? Hugging my towel around me I struggled to quickly get dressed. It was a little brisk. Ok. Very brisk. I dressed, and was crosslegged, warm and snug on my bed when the tap that I'd been awaiting.. came. Of course it was him. {Again, no names- just know it was a man}. We took a little stroll through the evening, small comments about work, "he said-she said" gossip, nothing too significant. It was just nice to be out & away from everything and everyone. I remember that.

We tip-toed a little further into the condensed "pm", until we were far enough away from everything that there wasn't any light. Just the memorization of the surrounding areas. So we hop-scotched through the obstacles. Until we came to "our" tree. It was an exceptional tree. Even in the dark. Big. Tall. Branches. Secluded. There was a nice patch of grass at the base that was... convenient.
We'd been here before, but for other purposes entirely. And nothing even close to this nature. And then... it happened. He placed his beautiful bronze hands on my {now} trembling shoulders and pushed my back into the tree. I remember it was a nice fit. :) For a second or 2 he just held me there. I remember marveling at his beautiful dark curls, and big brown eyes, and then very decisively pressed his lips into mine. I won't go on, but I will say that it was the first time I'd been kissed by someone that knew how to kiss me. And also that all the stress from my horrific day melted away into... contentment. And uh... I went to sleep smiling pretty big that night.
And the next day the grin hadn't disappeared.

What a difference. I mean, it was obvious he had experience. And up until this point I'd always been sorta fussy about that. I wasn't particularly sure if I wanted to kiss someone that had had tons of experience kissing OTHER girls.. I'd always kind wanted to be the first. My mind changed within those first couple minutes of THIS event.

This experience was so much better.

That was awesome.

I believe in the merging of lips.
This I believe.

1 comment:

  1. hahah! love it.
    hold up.
    is the good kiss from who i think it is? if so... wow. that's all i have to say about that.
    i know how you feel about being the first... that didn't happen with me either but... he taught me stuff at least...