Saturday, August 22, 2009


Last night I went and saw "Julie&Julia". And loved it. There were a lot of reasons. (1) Meryl Streep is BOSS as far as actressES in the cosmos, (2) France rubbernecked quaint, enchanting, and souped up (pun!) better than I imagined, and (3)everything that Julie tried to accomplished ( and everything Julia Child DID accomplish) left me feeling inspired. And discouraged. Because even though it was just this girl-women, working her way through a french cookbook... it placed my theories about life back into perspective for me.

Lately I've been feeling off.
Like I'm undershooting on something prodigious because of my "dot on the line"-in life. ( This is subjective). And I don't know if it's vaineglory, or amour-propre' [pride]--> these are basically the same bah!, or maybe it's depression slowly kicking back in with {[tension]} on the horizon, but lately... I just feel like because of who I am, and everything that makes up me: My family, my race, my "place" in the apple, my friends, personality, humor, religion, intellect (if I've got any) and just my tendencies, follies, strengths... whatever.... To me.. it seems like I'm supposed to do something extraordinary. There. I said it.

I think I'm supposed to do something extraordinary.
LOUD enough?

But I just don't see or feel that coming. I'm here in a.. .a little po-dunk town ( though things could be exponentially worse. Trust ME.), returning to academics after a year of self discovery which taught me much.. but also showed me just how much I still D.O.N.T. know about myself, I have like.. 1 friend that I hang out with consistently. Regularly. predictably ( and just to make things clear I adore her 100%. She's CHOICE.), I haven't moved out - for real anyways, I work at a mediocre job making mediocre pay, no significant other ( unless you count my canines)......

Ordinary. Completley. Incredibly. unDoubtedly. o.r.d.i.n.a.r.y.
Instead of Extraord

So I've been reasoning.. about.. my life (subjective subjective subjective). The path I'm on - or off. The things I do- and don't. The habits I've formed-lost, the changes that could me made to maybe cater to my thinking maybe my mission is life actually really is important instead of.. feeling.. well, {{{{ordinary}}}}.

I could step things up a notch. Like being more social. Even if that means being uncomfortable. Really going for something academically that could make me happy. Accomplished, even if that means retaking and retaking classes, getting a tutor, or staying in school lo0nnngerrr than your average "jo". I'm making changes physically so I feel calm about that. But maybe it's time to do something SUPER uncomfortable to jossle things up and make life interesting again.

It wouldn't be something crazy like.. joining the army, moving to Nepal with no plan in mind, or changing my name to Gertrude Vesplessan. At least I don't think...

I just think I'm ready for a new set of challenges that are..oh I don't know.. NEW.. &/0r different. Because it seems like that same ones just keep getting recirculated. Over and over. Over and over. And I'm tired. And sick. Of it. Yes. Of IT.

I'm sure there are those that are wondering that the "h" this has to do with "Julie&Julia"??{?????}. Well, it's all about making goals. No matter what they are. And freaking following through with them because that's something that everyone feels good about. So what if it was this silly 30 yr old woman trying to find some kind of identity?.. and she found it in a cookbook? In Julia Child. That's more than I can say for myself. Frankly. Sadly. Embarrassingly.

So I'm going to make a goal. And I don't care if it sounds stupid, or pointless, or impossible, or confusing. I'm just going to do it. And accomplish it. Because I'd really like to say that I accomplished something that was important to me. no matter how lame or small it is to a relative audience....

Spoiler alert! I have no idea what this goal is going to be. Maybe it'll be finally working up the courage to strike up a conversation with Mike from the pool. Or cutting my hair ( I know this sounds like.. what? But I've had the same hairstyle since I was 8. Shut it.). Maybe it'll mean asking questions in class or really.. finally.... asking for help when I need it ( in school). It could mean buying myself a fish and keeping it alive for more than a month ( because I still haven't done this). It might be trying something that's really scary for me.. public speaking. public singing... public.. anything.

I'm just excited to figure out what I'm going to do. Because I AM ready to DO something that makes me feel uncomfortable? sure... but... awesome because I was brave enough to try something different then what I always do.

And that's what Julie. AND Julia taught me last night.

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