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Just in case my list of reasoning wasn't enough, the way that you just reacted..was.

{later.ish}

Alright. Now that I have some time for explaining... Here goes.

I've never been the TTT {tantrum throwing type}. I didn't shriek or squeal as a child. I never stomped up stairs or threw things. Never stamped my feet or pounded my fists. ( I did however slam doors until I was 9 ). So I guess I just don't relate or understand the type of people that do. For instance my 18 year old sister, but on a more pressing and relevant matter: Manny.

At 25 (almost 26) years old you'd think that a person would have grown out of that. Right? Apparently not, since 2 days ago he threw the biggest fit I've ever seen ANYONE throw before. I don't really know whose to blame. And like I've mentioned before it's never really about blame for me. Ever. Its all about [[ reason ]]. I'd been feeling strange about the whole thing ( for a long while actually), and some of the ideas he had about life were very peculiar. Not bad, just not really my style and I started seeing problems in the relationship ( oh there were lots of problems ). So finally after much thinking and debating, compromising, and attempts at adapting it was time to end things.

For good.

If you want a list of reasons they are in a previous blog entry, and the list since I wrote that had about doubled in size. Added to the list were such things as: lying that he was LDS, which means that he was also lying about serving a mission in Belgium, oh.. and the sleeping around. So I gave him the news that I was no longer interested in getting to know him or continueing out relationsip, that I knew he would find someone that could make him really happy, and that I was excited for him to find that person. Wished him every happiness, and told him to take care.


And then he exploded!! In a way that I've only ever seen or heard about on the internet and TV.
I can't count how many texts he sent me saying that black women are evil ( I'm still baffled by this.. did he really just text me that?) That his friends had been right about me. That I hadn't had the courage to tell him to stop flirting 2 years ago ( keep in mind that I avoided him consistently for 2 years because he was a creeper). That he was never going to date a black woman again. ( why would I care?) and that any white girl was better than me ( aight ). He called me mean, rude, sarcastic, a player, said I lead him on, that I was ugly and fat, and that I was going to have a very miserable life.. and he hoped that I did.

Oh. And that he hoped I cried about him and that he regrets having absolutely anything to do with me. And all of this was texted in broken English. Not that it really matters, but it just seems significant to me. Or funny. Somehow ironic.


There was a break in his tasteless rant and I simply told him that I was sorry he felt that way, that it was never my intent to lead him on, and that I hadn't encouraged him he'd done that all on his own, and that I thought it was best that he didn't contact me ever again to make things "simple" and then let him know that I hoped he had a great life and wished him success in everything he attempts to do with his life.

That started another rant about....something. I didn't read the 15 texts he sent after that. Instead I just deleted them, then blocked his number from my phone. He tried calling and I told him I'd call the cops if he attempted to get in contact with me again. Which is funny because he had a restraining order put on him 2 years ago when he was stalking me around campus.

And then I hung up on him.
And then I laughed.


I called Sarah Lynne to give her the news and then we laughed together.

Just in case my list of reasoning wasn't enough, the way that he just reacted..was.

I worried about how I would feel after pulling the reigns on the whole parade. I wondered if I would feel sad, or like I'd made the wrong choice. And what a relief it was that he DID react that way because it confirmed my feelings more so then anything else had thus far.

So thanks Manny. Thanks for being an inconsiderate clod. I have no regrets, and that's all I've asked out of life since I realized that was an option.

So things are going really good. It's like the air around me suddenly just became less toxic and I haven't smiled this much in a really long time. It's so interesting how sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and do something hard. And it sucks when it has the potential to hurt someone else. But I know that because I made that choice in the right way that I'll find what I'm looking for. Eventually. And that's fine. I'd rather wait then feel pushed into something because of silly fears or expectations laid out by everyone else.

So there's nothing on my horizon except for everything, which had made me feel pretty fearless. And what a great feeling it is. School starts soon so I'll be back in the busy, I've got my books so I've already started working on the material, the Office Season 5 comes out in a couple weeks, I have another hefty pay check coming my way so I can buy 2 more tires! And yeah. I've got one more deposit to make on my ticket to Israel in June, Sabina is coming to visit from the Phillipines and Scott and I are going to DisneyLand!

I've lost 15 lbs. As of a week ago. So maybe I should check again.


I just feel good. Work is almost over, the earth is slowly cooling off into jacket weather, lots of people getting married or having babies and it's awesome!!


Life. Ride it.