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Bittersweet. That's the taste left in my life after today's happenings.
Brian Falors farewell, that's a beautiful place to start.

Seeing him up on the stand this morning, his face glowing I couldn't stop bouncing around in my seat. He looked happy. But more importantly he looked ready. And I'm supremely proud of him. His talk was wonderful and his spirit {{reverberated}} all the way through that sacred building today. The music was spot on, everything about that meeting was uplifting and enjoyable. He's going to do a PHENOMENAL job in the Dominican Republic! And those wonderful people are exceptionally lucky to be getting him. I love you Brian, you're a great example. And I'll always look up to you for what you've done, the things you're doing, and the great things that you will undoubtedly accomplish! <3

That meeting was exactly what I needed today.
I even managed to snaggle a women's baby and hold her for the last bit of the meeting.
She was adorable. Her husband looked at us funny cause we just kinda.. took her, but it was alright. She dug my necklace and smiled at me a couple times.

I. Am. Baby. Hungry.

After the meeting we shimmied on over to his place for some delicious food and much needed conversation. It was refreshing to see everyone again. Veeder, Mike, Brent, Wade, Bradey, Kyle, Brandon, David, Talmage, Lance, Brian's mom.. And she remembered my name! I haven't seen that remarkable women for about 3 years probably! It was fantastic, but it also made me really sad.

Especially seeing one of those people in particular.
No names, but I need to write this down somewhere.

I'm so frustrated. This person...has been a constant source of surprise for the past 3-4 years. I know what everyone sees on the outside. The "face" they try and put off. Like they don't need anyone, or are fine on their own. But I KNOW it's not true. 1) because we keep in relatively good contact-because they DO need someone, and 2) because I KNOW that THEY know everything about today was true, and real, and good.

I look at this person and see more potential then anyone else within that group. Partly because I feel like most of those people mentioned above have their lives together, and have charted some kind of course that they're sticking to. But back to point.. This person is one of the smartest most brilliant people I know. They have an admirable work ethic, and a very kind heart.

A good person. Inside and out.
They are. Because I watch them with their family. The "face" melts everytime they play with their nephew, or neice. They would - and I know this- give the shirt off their back for ANYONE. It's just who this person is. And everytime I talk with them, I look at them.. and I KNOW they aren't happy, or that something is off, or that their mind may be changing. It's exciting, but also scary because I know what it feels like to want to change, but feel like there's nothing that you can do. That's where they are.

I was there.
For years.
I thought it was all or nothing, and because I knew that "all" wasn't possible.. what was the point? But that's exactly what the adversary wants us to believe. I don't preach to this person, or tell them what to do. I don't seek them out, but they always come to me looking.. and all I have is the gospel that I've come to rely on heavily. So what do I say? I never know.

Today just being near them I sensed sadness. Sadness or disappointment, possibly even regret coming from them, which makes this so much harder because.. I know what would make everything alright. And the implusive part of me just wants to nurture and love and make everything ok for this person. But they know where to find it. They've always known. And I can't make them get there. I just wish they believed in themselves a little more. Gave themself more credit. Saw themselves for what I do, and countless others. And I wish they would distance themselves from all the things, or persons that just drag them down.

I understand that wanting to be accepted for who you are is important, but it's also important to have a support system who will both encourage and support change if it's something you want to do. They told me one time " Well, I just don't know what my two best friends will think". I said "You think they wouldn't like it?" they said "I just don't know". "Then maybe it's time to find out. Because if they are your best friends, then they'll understand and want what you want for yourself, and who knows.. your influence could make them want to be better as well".

I believe it's embedded into everyone's personality to want to change and be better.

I don't just feel this way about one person. I feel that way about myself also. Yes, being accepted-faults and all is incredibly important to me. But if I don't have people that are always pushing me to be better then I am (and this doesn't mean spiritually necessarily) then I become comfortable. Static. Unprogressive and remain the same. This is what I see from this person.

And I know that distance is sometimes the best thing. At least for awhile. And if their friends don't understand... then it's time to get some new ones. We don't need to throw anyone away, but change is ALWAYS good. I know that to be true.

So today was bittersweet. I see good things coming from my long lasting group of friends. But I also sense that change is being resisted among many- even me in many instances. And maybe it's time to just buck up, grow up, and .. well, change ourselves to better help each other.