So I don't really know what's been happening the last month. I mean, I think it's what always happens. I do really well and just.. keeping the gospel a part of my life and things start going super well. I just feel good, I'm really smiley all the time. I feel confident and sure of myself.. and that's when things start to slack.
Writing this here won't make any difference at all if I don't apply what I know, make some changes and continue on with the rest of my life. But things have kinda gotten out of control. And I have alot of explaining to do.. with a lot of people. Mostly 1 though.
It's not only exaggerating things that happen in my life to make a story more dramatic, or captivating... but exaggerating is lying. And I've been doing alot of that. So today that record will be set straight.
Lots of little things have been creeping up. I mean. I've found myself cursing more often ( it's never AROUND anyone, which is why it's proving hard to stop) but.. yeah. I mean. It's gotta stop, and I have got to calm down. Especially when I'm on the road. I never really used to have road rage, but man.. it's coming out my ears lately. Strange.
And I don't know. I'm just disappointed with the way that I've been living my life, and not living the gospel. Because they should be linked together. But more often then not, in the last month.. I've found myself trying to seperate the two. And I'll never forget the thing with my CTR ring.. I mean.. that's happened twice in the past 2 years. Why should I be ashamed? It's supposed to serve as a reminder of the things I want in my life.. and.. I'm not shoving my beliefs down anyone's throat by wearing it.
I don't know. Weird things lately. really weird.
I don't know if it's because I think my life should be more interesting and I'm trying to make it that way. Or if, really I'm just an idiot, or what's going on...
But it's time to step things up a notch, and get things back on track.
I've been cleaning my room. Hardcore. Just going through everything and getting rid of Industrial sized garbage bags full of stuff.. that I've had for years.. but am never really going to do anything with. There's still a long way to go, and I don't really know how.. because.. I've taken like...7 bags, huge huge bags to the trash or the DI. So.. I don't really know where all this stuff is coming from. But I made a pretty big dent yesterday and then I washed my walls, baseboards, dusted hardcore, and organized to my hearts content.
I want to do that with my life as well. Its time to clean the baseboards, wash the walls, and get things reorganized.. because I just kinda feel like trash.
Also. The "talk" with Guido... I think it's finally going to happen. And I hope I"m brave enough to say the things that I really need to say, and to fix the things that I really need to fix.
I'm just so lame sometimes :D