195

19 lbs. Things are looking good. Except that today I probably ate my weight in delicious brownies that Victoria made ( curse her! :D) But what can ya do? I'll just work super hard this week to get things back on track. Yeah, that's it. I'm only seeing it gone in a couple places, and not the places that I was actually aiming for. I wonder how that works. But I guess it's got to show in the places that I WANT it to eventually right? {{Right.}}

It's been awhile since I've been on this. I guess I was waiting for something spectacular or interesting to write about, something intensely hilarious or horrifying- but the truth is life is pretty mediocre these days. Which is cool, things are about to get busy this coming week and I can already feel the stress levels rocketing. At least bio lab is over. *VOMITS VIOLENTLY*. Not that I passed (because I'm honestly not sure if I did), but I'm just glad that it's over for now. For a one credit class I had to do more then all my other classes combined. You tell ME how THAT works, and I'll bump butts with you. Probably a couple of times.

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I was asked to give a talk in 2 weeks about "forgiving others and yourself". The latter is going to be my focus because that's where I've found I struggle the most. And I don't think that my ward has issues with not forgiving people. -that's an interesting concept-NOT forgiving others?- I already know exactly what I want to get across. Number one is that if we accept we are children of God, then we also must accept that he loves and is willing to forgive us. Two? That feeling not good enough, to far gone, or not capable of being better are not feelings that come from the Lord, but that come from someone else. And Three? I have a heap of ideas for this. Thoughts about forgiving ourselves being part of the process to eternal salvation, that if we don't allow ourselves to use the atonement then what did Christ come here for? Lots of ideas. I guess I'll s.p.i.n. that around the next 2 weeks and see what I come up with.

I'm excited. And it will give me a chance to introduce myself to my ward, because up until & including now I have been unintentionally [anonymous]. It'll be nice to break the shell that I've created for myself and that's something I'm actually nervous about. Change is good though. Yeah?

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Now on to something that's SMIAE (slightly more interesting and exciting!) 2nd date with "Sir Knight". Now let me get this across, I'm in no way hopeful or speculative about what the future may hold. It seems like once I feel safe is saying what I think will happen, things go the opposite way-rather quickly. Who knows why? I most certainly don't! :D I'm not trying to downplay the awesome, or feel discouraged (because I feel anything but). However, I only have my experiences to go off of. 1) Insanity 2) Induced sanity by primary source 3) Exiting to join some kind of army(US or Foreign). With a record like that it's hard not to get skeptical or super overly cautious. But I guess that's where I'm at until I make some kind of break--through. Whatever that means. The point is, this guy is unreal. I've never been treated with so much genuine respect, courtesy and manners in my entire life.

My ENTIRE life.


I don't know what planet he's from, who taught him to be a gentlemen, or made him practice in the ways of traditional courtship, but I thank them overtly. It's not that anything is established in any way whatsoever, except a blossoming friendship, and nothing extraordinary has happened (except the extreme politeness and composure) but I can say this- for what HAS happened, and the opportunites that I've accepted to spend time with him, it has completley and absolutley altered my perspective on that particular area of life.

So "Sir Knight". If I never see you again, thanks for the brand spankin' new outlook and great respect you gave me excessively. It was a nice and much needed change of pace.

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This quote my Mahatma Ghandi has had me thinking: "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they attack you, and then YOU win."
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random tidbits:
-->I don't enjoy staying up late anymore. And I don't understand how I did it for so many years.
-->While 2012 was an incredibly well put-together film, with some of the best graphics I've ever seen, AND indeed one of my now favorite movies, I still love "Day After Tomorrow" much more. And I still haven't figured out as to why that's the case.
-->It's a miracle. I'm passing Mathmatics.
-->I believe in face to face encounters, no matter what the situation. I guess that means I don't think that technology is saving us, though I use it every single day.
-->I do believe I'll reach my goal weight BEFORE Christmas. Everybody dance!
--> The people that matter to me most, are the ones that don't "accept me for who I am", but that continue to expect & encourage progress for the better from me every single day.
--> Pepperidge Farm Goldfish, my favorite.
--> I'm ready to go on another trip. Whether abroad or road I don't give a crap. But I'm ready.
--> Zonino!