Sunday, November 29, 2009


I'm glad someone got something out of it. My voice shook, hands trembled, and I almost let a few tears escape at the end, but I managed to rangle the whole thing in before that happened. And not a drop spilled out. Zonino!

I really don't do well talking in front of people if it's longer than about 5 minutes. As each minute goes by the pressure goes up, my voice starts to give and I can't look at my audience. It's not that I'm afraid of them or anything, intimidated or worse, I just get super uncomfortable.

But I'm glad someone got SOMETHING out of it.


I'm interested in everyone.
I can't tell if it's me just being super enthused, or if it's my calling, or if it's some kind of strange phase I'm in. I'm feeling reckless and OUT there. That hasn't happened for awhile, and as good as I feel I can't help but it's some kind of offset from what's been going on at workouts.

Split personality.
One second I'm rational, the next second all sense of reason goes flying out the window and I have no idea how my feet got placed where they are.
I've tried to talk about it with people, but it's either been blown off like not a big deal, or not talked all the way through. Talking things out, it's just what I do. It's what I need and the way I do things. So when there's no one to talk it out with, as much as I can try to figure things out on my own- I'm not hearing it out loud, seeing alternative perspectives or acknowledging other views. It's all me, in my head. Hows that for a recipe of utter meltdown phenomena?

Suck. 2 weeks left of school and I did ZERO studying over the break. I feel like they should make the semester about 3 weeks shorter than they are, just get things over a little sooner. I'd feel better about cramming more stuff in if we could just end quicker. By the end I feel so burnt out and uncaring that it never yields spectacular results.

I kinda feel like fleeing the country ( but that's pretty normal for a girl like me).

Is this ok?

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