Friday, March 5, 2010


Brave face bold man.
NOT that I'm a man, but I feel like this should be my middle name.
Or something.

So yeah. I'm changing majors- mathematics can DIE for all I care- all I wanna do is help people! So exercise science here I come, ready or NOT. The world better watch out because the world's next best personal trainer is on the move.

SO much has happened in the last couple days, I'm at a loss to know where to start? Should I start with Rye guy? The french man? Chip night or personal reflections and realizations? Blinks.

I'm not sure what it is? Is it his intense situation that simply has me rivoted? The fact that he's set and stable, secure and well off? Because he's athletic and loves the movie Airplane? I have NO idea but I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like my happy meter goes down when I don't hear from him in awhile. I think it's because I worry about him being alone- that changed last night though when I saw his bestie! I guess he moved in with the poor lad so I don't need to worry much anymore. Speaking of his bestie- yeah I'm interested. Call me "untamed" or "wild" but the fact of the matter is I'm loving the dating around! And I'd like to get to know as many men as I possibly can. I have an idea for what I'm looking for but I just want to have FUN.

I'm a realistic. Rationed. I understand it can't go on forever if I want to progress further than where I am now. I'd like to settle, find true love, and start my family- but all my reasons for wanting this seem really immature. I fantasize about owning a house in which I can throw parties and spend time with my husband and other married friends. Having perhaps more interesting things to talk about with my friends (that are married). Children. Actually becoming a home maker, decorating the works! Being apart of that circle looks fun, and so secure. I do yearn for it. I've never had THIS though. Whatever. Enough about that.

I ran into Manny. And I suppose this ties into the above paragraph. Here is a man that is LEGITIMATELY in love with me. Now that's flattering right? I should be excited or pursuing something with him because it COULD definitely end up in the temple- but I'm not crazy about him. I'm not passionate about him. We bicker like an old married couple and though we have much in common, I've just never pictured myself with someone like him: Materialistic, um.. FRENCH. Just NOT what I pictured. I realize there's a wall that I've created and maybe that's why I can't seem to find feeling in my legs to move forward.

What EVER.

Chip night went well. I made cookies- he {scott} enjoyed them and I envisioned us hosting parties together and fell in love with that picture. Oh and did I mention that I had a dream about us WASHING THE DISHES TOGETHER and it was the CUTEST thing I've ever DREAMED?! Well yeah. It was. Tonight we're going to the last hockey game of the season. I haven't decided what to do on the matter- this is starting to seem familiar...... :) The point is, it was a good time. I met Karrie's boyfriend, and then later I watched a movie and ate cheesecake with Davin. Evan sent me a picture of the Rexburg temple.

I'm restless. That's it. I'm bouncing all over the place, and I can't calm down because.. there are some very big decisions that need to be made in the next couple of weeks! Matt comes home soon? A sees potential still. J is leaving for the army soon and M is possibly getting engaged soon! There is so MUCH going on that I haven't really stopped to try and really sort through the chaos.

But it's fun.
So so immature. I know.
But it's fun.

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