Friday, August 6, 2010


330? {It FEELS like 330 IN THE MORNING.}
I should be asleep. Training tomorrow-at 9am.
14 hour day at work. In the roasting heat. With heaps of awkwardness. Awkwardness causes stress. Stressed? All the time. Maybe I could try and uh fix that? But see, I'm not the one that initiates. Just the victim. A [[constant]]. Like the speed of light. If there's even a chance of something becoming awkward I seem to be at the forefront to take the initial blast. Sometimes it's funny (well, later it's ALWAYS funny..with the right people) but mostly... it just makes me feel inadequate (in some way or another, I can't really explain it)

[I am here to remind people of why they should be grateful for the lives they have.]
THAT explains it.

So it went by pretty quickly...actually. I know right? All that for NOTHING! And there was a good hour and a half where we didn't have to work because of a thunder.lightening.rain storm. [twas' heavenly] Plus we got fed by the reservation that came (I had the most delicious hamburger-with marinated mushrooms-I've ever eaten), and it wasn't too chaotic because of the clouds and wind. I rotated You-Know-Who the whole time, {all} {day} {long}. It was alright. We had some silly moments (meh. we always do), but it's hard when inbetween chairs there's a good.. WHAt? 10 seconds to converse, and MOSTLY it's about watching this kid, or looking out for stupid parents #12? He DID eat dinner with me though, and has been making an effort to fill the proximity gap that's kinda been there. I know it's maybe.kinda.sorta.completely.pathetic., but if I don't feel like you're comfortable around me physically...probably not going anywhere. But he's making an effort- and I'm very grateful.

I haven't been with a "slow.mover" for awhile, but I think I should probably DO things that way.
Mostly I feel like I have 2 speeds. Totally passive and nothing goes anywhere, or things go full throttle and go places WAY to fast. A medium would be good, and thus far... he's pretty medium..

I wonder what he'd say if I told him I described him that way on my blog. Pretty medium.

He's got the greatest laugh.

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