Monday, October 18, 2010


Laughed myself awake, I have no idea what I was dreaming about, or why it was so hilarious-but apparently it was. Have you ever been so tired that you feel... not just tired but so so sick. That's where I'm at right about now. I know it's just that tired sickness thing where your whole body is achy and tense, weird brain pulses and heavy eyelids, and really you could probably keel over just about anywhere and be dead to the world in seconds.

I'm up on campus. Arrived at about 715 and am now on blogspot trying to keep myself awake so I don't miss my next 2 classes. After that I'm home free to crawl back in my magical bed and snaggle a few.

I'm failing Math. Although my failing this time around is much better than my failing last time around so I'm counting it as some kind of accomplishment. Sad right? Maybe I should be more worried about it, but I'm pretty sure I've figured out my school situation- figured it out as in I'm not going to graduate from University with a degree or anything. I'm more of a certificate person. So yeah. I'm good with it. But don't think I'm not trying because I'm trying much harder this time around-and I am proud of it, though it shows very little as far as my grades. In Math.

I have a secret. So I'm not going to tell you exactly what I'm talking about for the next couple sentences.

It's all coming together. And all I can do now is just wait for things to pan out on their side. Then hopefully things will come thundering together and I'll be off to the start a new season of my life. I'm not sure I'll tell anyone my secret. I'm pretty sure I'll just keep it to myself and my family and then one day everyone will wonder what happened. I guess I just don't want anyone's opinions about what I plan on doing with my life. I figure the Lord knows, my family knows. My family approves and I feel good about it spiritually so nothing can influence that- but yeah. I don't want to risk it but oh baby I'm so freaking excited!

Can't wait.
Can NOT wait.

Just several more weeks and things will be finalized.

I can only see one small thing that could possibly distract me. But in a good way. So.. let's see if the distraction will happen right. I kinda feel like it could here in the next little while, especially if the "elbow pinch" continues.

I made a comment in Relief Society yesterday. It doesn't matter what I said but I thought it was interesting what happened next. Sis. Merrill came over and sat by me at linger longer and said something to this effect..
"Ya know, I've learned something about you. You don't comment very much in class, and you rarely stand up and verbally share your testimony with us-but when you DO raise your hand to comment, or do stand up and share your testimony verbally with us I know to listen, because your perspective on things is unique and special and it impacts me greatly every single time."

It made my day. Because she's right on at least one of those things. I don't share what I feel often. It's hard for me to articulate what the most important things in this world mean to me. And I think for me I've chosen to share what I believe by the way that I live my life. It is rare for me to comment or speak up, but if I do it's because I feel particularly effected by it, and it's true that my perspective or take on things is seen slightly different from others.

For example.
We talked about baptism. And about us being willing to take the name of Jesus Christ upon us. I certainly find that amazing, but what I find more amazing is that the Lord and our Savior would be willing to LET US do that. I know for me names are very important. I'm named after my Great Grandmother- and with that I know there are certain standards and conducts of life that I need to live by and be an example of. I don't want to do anything to befoul her name or be a disappointment TO the name. In turn it would be a very big deal if one of my children were to name their child after me. Or for me to give my name to one of them. I would expect certain things with that action, I would want them to respect my name and to respect themselves WITH that name. It's a big deal. And I find it impressive and loving that he would trust me and many others with that privilege.

I love what the gospel teaches me personally. And I like that it's individualized and customized because each of us see things differently- though the outcome I think is very similar.
Just a thought.

Black light paint party tonight. :D

1 comment:

  1. That's just not fair to say you have a really really big secret and are so super duper excited for it! and then...NOT tell us what it is! but that's ok I'll get over it. i'm guessing it's something with traveling...

    Love the story about your family name. Very cool.