Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Alright, I know what you're all pondering. It's a query that's been {frothing} about in my noggin for a bit also, so don't feel too atrocious about not knowing the answer. I've got it. So how about we note the question:

{Why is my mom better than yours?}
Because she arranged a vibrant veggie tray/platter for me to snack on, instead of Halloween candy. Seriously, the thing reminds me of a kaleidoscope with all the lively colors. We've got some bright red cherry tomatoes, sunset orange carrots, forest green broccoli, etc. Vegetables excite me. Did I really just write that.... AND she purchased ma' freezing-self some lovely pink long johns. Yeah. That's right. She's got my back! [my whole body really] And now you know the answer, don't ever question "why" again. If you do- feel free to come back and peruse this post. I don't mind.

Let's talk about my day. (If you didn't expect this, feel free to navigate to someone else's blog. I'll wait why you do. Gone? Alright.)

I spent my morning being attacked by a black/german man named George.
Yep. I wrote that right.
George probably weighs a good hmm...270-310 lbs. (bless him) That's a guess. And I'm really awful at guessing so maybe he doesn't weigh anything close to that at all. All I KNOW is that he's a lot bigger, faster and stronger than me. I mean the guy can squat press a good 700 lbs! And I gawked at him as he lifted a grown man at least 4 inches taller then him straight off the ground with one hand/arm.
Quite impressive. I even drooled a little.
In martial arts today we learned how to sprawl. It's technically a wrestling move, but whatever- the "shoot for the legs" and "cross-face" moves are entwined into Kajukenbo. Basically it hurts alot- you and the other person, mostly the other person (or what would be the point right?). Here's a break down of what happens:

Big-man-George shoots for my legs to bring me down. I sprawl [hence the freaking name] my legs out behind me and land on my hip ( with all my weight) on TOP of him. Then proceed to smash his head into the ground, and crack my elbow over the back of his skull-hopefully just injuring him to point where he can't move, or killing him if necessary- (but it's about self defense not... annihilating people, obviously). We practiced the sprawl several times (not with a partner), and I'm pretty sure my hip and shoulders will be deeply bruised for awhile- but it was pretty thrilling practicing with George. Truth is the guy wouldn't hurt a kitten and he's a perfect gentleman so it was a pretty good time.
I practiced the "cross face" with Jeremy who just received his 2nd degree black-belt certificate but the whole thing made me want to vomit.

That's how I spend the majority of that class; wanting to vomit, or just thinking about vomiting.
The idea of twisting a person's neck this way, or making their arm bend like that, or snapping their fingers with THIS motion basically makes my insides want to be outsides.

So what am I doing in the class?
Learning how to protect myself of course! It makes sense for my life at the moment. There's lots of traveling, most of it solo to places where I really don't speak the language, understand all the customs, or appreciate the aggressiveness of the men. It's a good tool to have in general. I feel like everyone should learn some type of self defense. And learn how to swim. It's just useful.

My instructor is a hippie.
Just a side note.

So tonight I got to revisit an old kick. And it was SO refreshing.
I used to live in Arizona and for my second contract there I found a friend who'd go on evening walks with me along the dark forest trails, down to Tville (tonganville), through the little gravel walk ways in between each cabin or gazebo, and around our living areas. I used to do it alone, take my ipod and my sketchpad, find a quiet corner of earth and just breathe. The latter part of my contract was drawn out through the winter though so there was freezing winds, lots of wet snow, etc. No time to sit down in the mush and create. Ha ha ha ha! Not like I'd freaking want to either.

It was pretty relaxing. The strolls. A delightful way to unwind from the job stress.

We'd chat.
Sometimes we were polite, and other times we just weren't.
What I mean is that we were never really rude to each other, but sometimes one of us would just have so much to say that the other person couldn't get a word in, or maybe we were both bursting with thoughts and feelings about life that we'd just talk over each other, the result: us mostly talking to ourselves ABOUT ourselves while walking with each other. There really were a few moments where he'd leave me at my door and we didn't know what the other one had been saying because.. we weren't listening to them as much as we were just listening to ourselves. Ha ha!

Other times it was better. One of would gab, the other listen, then switch.
And sometimes we wouldn't talk at all as we strolled underneath that Arizona sky.
No matter what the conversations were or weren't like really didn't matter because it was just so nice to have a companion to walk around with.

Okay we get it, it doesn't take much to brighten Che's day but seriously. It's comforting and important. To me.

When I moved back home, he stayed in Arizona, but at nights he'd call me when he'd get off from his shift at night and I'd walk here, he'd walk there and we'd chat over the phone or NOT chat over the phone. Once back here it was the thing I looked forward to the most, and I appreciated every single one of his calls.

It was a nice diversion and one that made me think. Which is always appreciated. I NEED to people in my life that converse with me in a way that makes me think. I know I know, it's .. just who I am. Point is, I had an interesting thought come into my head as I drove the slick road up the Institute building tonight. (choir).

I was thinking about all the ways I halt blessings from God coming into my life. I do things wrong every day. Sometimes it's big things, sometimes it's not but the fact remains that it happens. I had an image come into my head. It's me, standing or walking around somewhere (anywhere), and there's a filter over my head. It's not solid- nor will it ever be solid so that nothing can drip through (this is because God loves me in incomprehensible ways). But every time I commit a sin of commission or omission the filter slowly closes up. Little drops of happiness, joy, or love can seep through every now and then and depending on how much I do or don't commit those sins is the result of how much good drips though.

Why don't I just do what's good all the time? And take the whole filter off so that the blessings from God can't be stopped? I've heard people say that no one's perfect, that's why. And that's mostly true, but it's also not true. Perfect people have walked this earth. Of course they were translated but an entire city was perfect in righteousness and it was lifted up.. which means that yeah, actually perfection can be reached. The vast majority doesn't get that far, I know. But..

Just a thought.

I have so much to work through. So many things to be better about.
So much to work on all the time.

Don't we all.

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