528 {I would purposefully burn myself}

"Time is in neutral, but what we choose to do with it, is not"-MLK

Chiddy Bang "Old News"
There's a beat in this song that reverberates deep and through into my soul. It changes and uplifts. That good hurt. The kind you don't want to stop. Piano. Hot synthetic noise. I want to burst into tears every time it comes in.

"Sometimes I like to look into people's windows"
{HUGE pause}
"That sounded a lot worse than I wanted it to"
{Laugh hysterically}
"Smile and wave!"

I don't know how people get themselves into the situations they do, but I hope no matter where I am or what I'm doing and goodness-no matter WHO I'm with, that I'm not sitting next to someone whose losing their virginity right before my eyes. That's a little much. I don't care whose drunk and who isn't.

I took this class called "Adult Roles" in highschool. We talked about the "funnel of love". At the top you have the "infactuation stage"- the mushy gushy stage where you can't get your hands off of each other, after comes the "games playing and testing", and then... yeah I can't remember what comes next. But whatever does comes next-I'm there.

I skipped the game playing part. Try it out. It's better.
Not sure what's going to happen next.
Except that I'm moving out in just under 2 weeks! Hopefully we'll be able to get Ian's truck to move my twin bed (because I can't take my queen, it's going to hurt to leave it), and desk on over to the apartment. Everything else I'm sure I can fit in my car- and a lot of things I'm leaving behind for now. There's a little glitch in my plan, I'm pretty sure I didn't get the job at the pool-I didn't even get a call for an interview (they could be behind on getting a hold on people but I can't bank on it). So that puts a little hiccup in the throat of things. So time to start applying for more jobs. I'm still moving out.

We read a poem in English this morning called "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
It's about prolonging things that are inevitable and doing something versus doing nothing. We had an amazing discussion about how everyone has the ability to do something, but because of fear (everything goes back to fear) we choose to do nothing. And then about all the lost opportunities because of doing nothing. Several lines really struck me.

Mostly this one:

"Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?"

I really love that. The idea of forcing a moment to it's crisis. Maybe I align with it because I see that coming up in my own life.

"Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question....
..To say That is not what I meant at all
That is not it, at all"