Sunday, October 23, 2011


Broken clouds give rain.
Broken soil grows grain.
Broken bread feeds man for one more day.
Broken storms yield light.
Break of day heals night.
Broken pride turns blindness into sight.
Broken souls that need His mending.
Broken hearts for offering.
Could it be that God loves broken things?

-Kenneth Cope

Today's been a bad day. I wanted to spend some time with him but when I went over he was getting up late and seemed to have a million things to do. So I went home feeling a little defeated and sad. Tried to take a nap but couldn't. Tried to eat something but couldn't keep anything down. Everything's changing-that doesn't mean it's never been like this before but sometimes the hard truth hits me and I feel like I'm drowning.

Today I'm drowning.
I started to freak out.
Can I give this child the life it deserves? And if I honestly can't say with 100% surety I can, what right do I have to keep it. And then my heart broke and all my fears came splurging to the top. What if I just.. can't do this. What if I just can't find happiness at the end of this for me, for it, for Cristian? What about all the money we need but we don't have? What about all the trust issues I have? What about all the good things and dreams and goals and plans I have? Am I going to be able to achieve success?
Am I going to have happiness?
Am I going to have to settle?
And if I have to give that up, CAN I?

How can I do all of this?
It's a bad day.

Would like to run away today.
Somewhere. Anywhere.

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