35

In the beginning, I sometimes left messages in the street.
I'm more confident now. I can say those things into the ominous silence of my haven, or on top of the mountain, deep within the canyon just out back.

I can peer into the mirror and utter those dreadful words into the face that recognizes me.
Though often I don't recognize the face.

In the beginning, I sometimes left messages in the street.
But the past is a foreign country [figuratively and literally]; I do things differently here.
I was born with a gift of laughter, and a sense that the world was mad.


It all began the year I turned 19. May 2007.
I was resting on the steps in the center of Venice Italy. The famous train station in eyes sight athwart the Grand Canal. Roaming Italy's little alleyways, the grimy but fascinating ghettos and upon returning from Murano [ the island famous for glass blowing] I found myself done in by the exercise and anxiety. The sun was falling- it was my final evening there. I tried desperately, frantically to sponge up the energy. I sat with my oculars closed, breathing deeply, listening intently; attempting to stamp this beautiful moment into my mind for eternity.

It was the first time I'd ever been alone. I DIDN'T however choose to fly solo on this trip. Friends backed out. Boyfriend changed his mind. I had to go, even then. And that meant backpacking single.

The number of tears I wept before before the a.m. of my departure cannot be numbered.

It was a trip of a lifetime, and a turning point in my history.

A wave and I was 99% his.
I glanced into his face and cursed inside my head the eloquence of those chiseled physical features. Those smoldering deep eyes, laced with dark thick lashes. Perfect nerve-electrifying lips. I hated the huskiness of his musical voice. "I love your color." He took me by the hand and we waltzed through the lambrynth of narrow strips of street, piazzas, and lilac gardens.

Everything turned gray. I slipped.

And somewhere in all that I found God. For the 1st time in 6 yrs.
I haven't lost him since.



In the beginning, I sometimes left messages in the street.