16 days and I turn 21.
That's irrelevant at this point.
I had an amazing weekend. I went down with my girls to the city and had a blast. The Chinese food was amazing and so was our night full of memory making and laughter.
(W) as an old man was the funniest topic of conversation. He's totally going to be deaf and be the one that screams random profanities, or mutters them continually under his breath. So freaking funny.
She told me that she had weed hidden in her room.
But I didn't even WANT to smoke pot! It was great!
The 2 o-clock in the morning NyQuil run, looking for hookers on N.T. and Pokerface!
That songs gets me hot. I can't lie. So does Panic At The Disco.
Funny as.
The view of the city was amazing, as were the little shops that we made purchases at.
It gave me an idea about starting my own Fair Trade Store at some point. I love the idea, and it's honest!
(W) acted weird last night. Maybe it's because of the pills. I thought he was mad at me. (S) didn't know that I was coming over because I don't think that (W) told him. Embarrassing, showing up at his house when obviously he didn't want me there. That's how he acted anyways. I like talked with (B) cause he makes me laugh way hard! (R) was funny to, but he was drunk off his rocker.
Church was good today.
I shared my testimony for the 1st time in 10 yrs. It felt good.
I was so nervous, my voice shook the whole time. But I didn't cry and I didn't stumble on my words which was really all I wanted to have happen.
I used the phrases (Disco Knees, and Blow My Brains Out) within my testimony- it was a very good day and I felt good that people enjoyed it.
(D) whistled Hymn # 284 If You Could Hie to Kolob for me after sacrament meeting and then ran off to his meetings! What a busy bee!!
During Relief Society (A) invited me to a birthday party for Angie. Since when does she invite me to anything. I won't go, because I know that there will be drinking. She'll make me feel inferior and stupid. And... why would I put myself through all this?
Well, I wouldn't!
Snow shoeing at some point this week, if (S) is really serious about going.
I don't really feel like I have options anymore.
A mission sounds great, and it feels good to.
I'd like to date someone.
I'd like to go back to school.
I'd like to travel some more, or simply just get the freak out of here.
I'd like to do all these things.
We'll see what happens.
Job interview on Wednesday.
And until then I"ll just be hanging out. Cleaning my room. AGAIN. Sorting my music. AGAIN. Trying to escape my medocrity. AGAIN.
It's a pretty sweet cycle. Vicious but safe right?
I just feel sick all the time.
Confessions:
I opened the bag of Dark Dove Chocolates yesterday and am slowly making my way through them. There's a chance there won't be that many left by Tuesday.
I won't tell you that though.
I want to drink the mixers. Just cause they're fun and I don't want them hanging around in my closet.
In other news I bought insence.
4 sticks of Sex On The Beach
2 Cherry Vanilla
1 Black Love
2 Happy
1 Hemp
And a holder. Wood with golden flecks through it.
I burned a Sex On The Beach today.
It smells the way... it's named.
It's awesome.
Confessions:
I think having sex on the beach wouldn't be that much fun. To much grit and sand.
In the ocean however...
I hate showering, but I LOVE bathing!
I'm NOT excited about my birthday.
I'm probably going to show up Black French Man tomorrow.
And I won't feel bad about it. At all.
I'm not attracted to anyone.
It's a strange feeling.
Later
So I had another Bishop's interview. He appreciated my testimony and told me that it brought him close to tears. I like that. But I didn't really share if for anyone else but me. I had about 6 people mention how I used "Blow my brains out" within my testimony. Many more came and thanked me. It was nice, but I didn't really know what to say. Michael Murray said that he enjoyed it. THAT one DID actually mean something. That kid is amazing and has a very strong testimony and desire to be a good person. I love it, and he's been a phenomenal example to me as I've struggled my way back into the church.
I feel happy and light and like things are going my way.
I also talked to Alicia today about her mission call and what the process was like. Her feelings, her worries, what she has to buy. I'm so excited for her. We talked briefly about (M) and (M) and how they were both doing on their missions. I guess she hasn't kept in contact with LA boy and hasn't bothered to write Connecticut man yet. That's ok though , because I only JUST wrote CO man about a week ago. It'll be interesting to see if he writes back, but I won't be all that surprised if he doesn't. I imagine that could be pretty strange for him.
(N) told me that she told her mom about my sharing today.
You know it kind of IS a big deal.
The first time I've done that in some 10 odd yrs. I was scared and probably prayed about 20 billions times for my heart to calm down and my body to stop trembling. It worked.
I'm glad that I did it though. I trusted in the Lord to give me courage and I found that as soon as I took the first step and stood up that I easily carried myself up to the stand.
I love this gospel with all my heart.
I've been talking to Japan man (S). Texting him and such. What a funny guy, and he totally wants to go snow shoeing at night with me and other at some point this week so that's super exciting. I'm just glad that other friendships are starting to form because the ones that I have currently are... shady in a variety of ways!
But the church is true so I can keep on going.
It's just been such a good day for spiritual experiences, and how greatful I am for that and for the strength that I've recieved throughout this blessed fasting day. Even though I didn't actually fast. I ate like.. a million Goldfish crackers and some dark chocolate.
What a morning right?
In other news I'm starting to break out and it sucks.
I think I'm about to be on the rag and that's.... good, but I hate the part where it's not quite there yet so I'm eating volumes of food, breaking out, and feeling bloated... oh and depressed. That normally accompanies all of that.
Oh well, it'll come and be over soon enough and then I can go back to feeling REALLY great about myself.
I think it may be time to get my act together and get to work on my papers. I just feel so good about it when I'm thinking about it, or praying about it, or sitting in that mission prep class. Oh and all of a sudden I don't have feelings for Canadian man anymore.
.. I just felt my breasts. They're pretty tender. I'm totally going to be on the rag soon. And I hope it's heavy. There's nothing better than a strong heavy flow. It just feels so good.
Canadian man.. yeah.. all of a sudden I don't really see anything happening. And maybe it's because of this mission thing.. or because I've been praying to know what to do. Well, I don't think it has anything to do with him. Which makes things easier for me. Now I just have to deal with (W) and Black French Man.
Tomorrow though. I can't do all of this tonight. :D
(S) is coming over to play some games. Probably to talk as well. Who knows? I don't really care! As long as I have some kind of company because I am in a GREAT mood.
Things have gone well, and I feel happy.
It's about freaking time.
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