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Saw Mikey last night.
It was awkward for him, I could tell.
And for awhile I worried about being the most funny and smart or composed. Putting off a good impression ya know?, but then with a jolt I realized that... There's no need to try and be someone I'm not. Not saying that I'm not funny, or not smart- but I don't need to worry about coming across as something MORE than I am. Me should be enough.

After that I relaxed and enjoyed the rest of my evening. He wouldn't look me in the eye. He never really said 'Hi'. I attempted to make conversation but he was short with me and gave vague answers.

I worry that he just sees me as a bad memory {after all, he did write on MySpace that I was one of the worst mistake of his life}, and I suppose if that's the case- Alright. There's nothing I can do about that. I can only live my life the way I feel I should, and the way that I have. Part me feels sad because he's not even going to give me a chance to be friends with him, I thought about bringing that up- but then.. another jolt happened..
.. There's no need for me to do that.
Because I just don't think it's fair.

And I'm not going to fight for this, for me. I would fight for both of us forever, but I'm not entering this "competition". It shouldn't be that way. Maybe that's something I'd have considered 2 years ago, but not now.

As far as my feelings about him. There's nothing definite. The reunion wasn't quite what I imagined, and he's still got a lot of adjusting to do. I can understand and appreciate that, but I just wanted to be friends- and to be honest I don't really see it happening. Not with how things went last night. The future is ever changing and who knows maybe after Sunday I'll feel more positive about the relationship.
I'm more excited to see his mom and daddy- then him.
I wonder what that means?

12:02pm
It's a beautiful sunny day, and thus far I have nothing planned.
I need to get another hobby, or join some kind of club because things just aren't feeling progressive anymore.


We watched Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds".
Never have I seen this before, but of course have heard much about it.
Surprisingly- I LOVED it. And this just isn't the type of movie that I get into- I think I just saw a lot of parallels with this movie and my current happenings. There is no explanation or conclusion for anything that happens- welcome to my life. And to many other people's. I just think that's the way it goes sometimes. Phenomenally strange things happen to each of us and there's really no cause for it and the effects are ever interesting. All that's left is to draw your conclusions or to finish each story the way you think you should.

I'm sure that once this stage has run it's course I'll think about this movie and hate it with a passion. But for now I can relate and it makes things seem a little easier.

Thank you Alfred.