... just a small moment ...

.an epiphany.

Sitting at our kitchen "bar" on a rickety old stool eating a giant, pink, fleshy grapefruit-just now. I was concentrating pretty hard on it, paying more attention than probably necessary to the way my silver spoon sliced it's way through the fruit to journey on to my awaiting taste buds. I stopped and peered closely at those tiny translucent capsuls full of bittersweet juice. It made me smile. Teeth showing and all.

I continued to eat and enjoy. A conversation bubbled- going on dimly in my background. My units were discussing my 2 younger sisters, and about the "stages" that they're in. Pushing their limits [my parents and their own], attempting to find their "independence"-they've finally hit the rebellious stage. I personally thought it would never come- and that the memory of my episodes would remain burned in their memories forever. My parents continued to chit chat, previewing a film that they [my sisters] wanted to go view this afternoon at the matinee.
They told Victoria and Talisa "no"- which is funny because I know that they've already seen the movie, along with a bunch of others that I know would cause a very intense, lasting, dramatic scene if I were ever to spill my guts to the beloved house wardens.

It took me back to when I was going through that same thing. Just going against all the rules-thinking they were there to be tested- trying to "break free" and join the "non conforming" party which we all know can't exist. I was stupid.

Sighing inwardly the content that I felt in that moment was quite overpowering. So glad that it's behind me. So relieved I'm in a healthier place now where I know what's good for me and what's not- And not because my parents have told me, because I know for myself. Happy that I have a testimony and that it encourages and strengthens me when I struggle to see the black and white lines.
I'm so glad that THAT [refers to the above contentions] part of my life.. is over!

Sweet joyous freedom from so many binds the world had me in!!
I'm no where near where I want to be, but I'm steadily making my way there.
And so I finished my grapefruit, reveling in how far I've come- and how much farther I must go.


It was a nice moment.
A moment of flawless peace.