95

Well, the situation is certainly looking reformed. Although I'm still pretty cagey with my heart since several gaping soul holes are still ever present (and throbbing slightly). I suppose I should better explain myself.

Mike's been really wishy washy of late. I mean, who expresses their interest in someone and then doesn't do anything REAL about it for several weeks. Well (sighs), that's Mike for ya'. I thought things might have changed since the last time we dated {which ended with him ignoring me for the better part of 8 months. Talk about being sidelined :P}, and I don't know. I expected the mission to have assisted him in maturing a little bit in that area, but I suppose all this "expectation" was my own fault. Shame on me! The point: He halted communication with me for a couple days, which I suppose to any "normal" woman might be acceptable. I kept thinking about the past and what the situation was looking like. TOO familiar. It isn't surprising when you take into that account what happened next.

In short I spazzed out inwardly {is that some kind of oxymoron?} to myself for about 43 min. And then calmly removed myself from the situation with mental excersizes that I've developed and customized for myself when dealing with relationships(I kind of want to gag when I say that word). And things were easier because I relied upon the Lord.

I stand all amazed when I think of his love for me.

It was easy to evaluate the situation as a daughter of God, dealing with a son of God. I realized that just because I make up my mind to work hard at something with someONE doesn't mean that they'll choose or want the same thing. And what I've found based on past experiences is that prayers to my merciful Father in Heaven are never answered the way that I originally want. It is without fail {everytime} answered in the most bizzare-off-the-beaten- path-what-in-the-world?!?!...kind of way. And I'm so much better for it, without fail (everytime).

The conclusion: Today I decided to start moving on, getting those mission papers that I've been trying to get together-together, and start thinking very seriously about my schooling. I explained all this to Sarah Lynne. How everything feels suddenly calm and untroubled. I felt so good about what I decided to do. Or maybe just that I felt like chips would fall where they were supposed to.

And then he tells me that he wants to get things rolling. Actually dating. Oh and that he wants to try very hard to make this last.

I did NOT see that coming.
I'm nervous and jittery because of all that has transpired thus far. We both know what we're BOTH looking for so. I mean, I don't think I need to explain that any further. I want things to work out, and I want him to be the best person for me just how I want to be the best person I can be for him.

So uh... Carpe' Life. Right? (sighs) Whatever.

Other news:

Family got new Home Teachers. {<3 them}
Victoria {lil' sis} gave a great talk at her Seminary Graduation.
Jeff is coming canoeing on Friday. {Ah yeah!}
Temple open house Sat. {so excited}
Oregon Trip set in planning mode this evening.
Start work at the Aquatic Center tomorrow afternoon.
Canoeing with Sarah Lynne tomorrow before 5 pm. {that's when we have to give the magical watercraft back. :(}

To Do This Week:

First day of work at Aquatic Center Mon.
Temple session Tues. morning.
Call mystery man about Dark Blue Glorious Subaru
Call Rudy's about paycheck ($$$)
I'm sure there is more, but I'll get to that shinanagin's later.

I kinda just feel like my life is gliding along in exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

Sababa! { "awesome" in Hebrew}