Wednesday, September 29, 2010


{I can't believe- but am very happy- that I can report things are becoming much better.}

(I should probably knock on wood or something). It's been a matter of phasing certain things and people out, and trying to fill those empty hurting spaces with something new. I'm not all the way there yet. But I've picked up a few different activities that are certainly helping and healing. I've got Institute Choir which is amazing, and my university has started this new "Fun Fit Forever" program where they have different work out classes all day long through out the week.

Yoga, Pilates, Athletic Blast, Crossfit, Spinning, Mind and Body, Body Sculpting, Step, etc.
It's been really fun. And it's nice to have something outside of the gym to look forward to. I have martial arts which is LOADS if fun also and is full of very useful tips. The activities committee has been reactivated and there's lots of planning and organizing that needs to happen. The classes that I'm taking keep my busy and occupied (I've met a few awesome people), and my ward just doubled in size. And of course-Hockey season.

Along with all that I have a few things to plan for in the future.
New Zealand is out this year. I can't explain it, except that it just wasn't supposed to happen this time. So I'm looking into a Humanitarian Aid trip down to Mexico after Christmas break. After that it's looking for a sweet bachletpad (yes. I made that up) for me and Karrie (if it's right) and then figuring out my next semester in school - which means deciding and solidifying my decision on a major (for reals.because I have a major but I feel really fickle about it) and then setting up the rest of my schooling to follow that program till' the end. And then actually committing to it.

I'm kinda sad to report that.. it's almost Oct. Almost a year since I started trying to lose weight (I've lost 55 lbs by the way). I made a goal to have lost the last 25 lbs by the end of this summer. I haven't made a dent in that except to build up about 7 lbs of muscle. I still have 25 lbs to go. Well, that's what I think will feel good. Patrick says according to body fat ratio I'd only have to lose about 15 to be in the bracket. But I want to be in the middle of the bracket, not leaning towards one side or the other. So. I have that to work on. I'm giving myself 10 weeks to do it. That's 2-3 lbs every week. And as of 2 weeks ago I started using my Exerspy again and this week I've tried hard to record my food. ( although I've mostly failed at that too). I just have to start somewhere ya know.

So this is me. Starting.

I think things with {M} are slowing beginning to smooth over. We talk a little bit more every day and it's not so uncomfortable for me to be around him. It doesn't affect my mood anymore and I don't feel like he has any kind of control over me. I don't know how to just trust someone again. It's not that I'm holding a grudge, but trust is something that you earn. And it's one of those things that even though there really aren't any negative feelings anymore it's certainly going to take some time.

I don't see {S} anymore, and I'm not bothered by it so much. Every now and then I'll see or hear something that reminds me of him and there will be a little pang of longing, but I'm quickly distracted by things that make me happier and are more worthy of my thoughts or feelings and time in general. As far as everyone else, I'm just trying hard not to think about it so much.

Lots of things to keep me busy, and I feel hopeful.

I don't really know what's going to happen here in the next little while.
But I feel something just outside my periphery is going to come in and mix things up a little.
And I'm excited.

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