So I really just feel like I'm supposed to be there.
But I also don't know what I can do to speed up the process to get things in place.
OH MY GOSH. I just feel like I'm about to explode. But only sometimes.
There are long moments of peace, and comfort, and I feel like I KNOW that where I'm at... it's not the most exciting, it doesn't feel the most productive, I'm not entirely happy, but I'm not sad or upset about anything either.. I just feel like.. I'm here. And during those long moments where I'm okay with that- I'm okay with that.
But then there are moments like tonight where.. I'm going out, spending time with people, laughing, getting a chance to learn things about other people and to share little things about myself. I'm being social and engaging in things that make me feel I dunno, different- and it's just NOT enough. I don't understand why everything at this point just feels so meaningless. Why there's absolutely no passion in anything that I'm doing. Why I just can't care about things the way I used to, really laugh, genuinely feel ... anything.
I don't know what's wrong.
And that's just it. I hate feeling like there's something wrong with me.
So things are the most exciting... but I just feel like... I'm stuck.
I'm trying to shake things up. I'm trying to do things differently. I'm trying to define who I am and stand for things that I believe in but I'm just not getting anywhere. And I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do with the little energy that I do have.
I feel invisible.
I love you Chels! Let's get together and find some meaning in our lives!
ReplyDeleteChelsea. You are everything BUT invisible. I totally understand what you're saying, and I know you're not fishing for compliments buuut, you are INCREDIBLE. You have no idea.
ReplyDeleteSometimes we just have to keep on keepin' on even when it seems like our keepin' on is taking for ever to get to wherever we're wanting to get (like that sentence :)
If you ever need anything you know how to find me. Love ya!