Friday, December 2, 2011


I've been feeling unreal lately. I'm sure it's because I've been in a constant state of exhaustion since September. But I've been doing some thinking. Thinking about all the really good times that I've had with Cristian. All those special moments and I realized that I've mostly failed to write some of those things down. I'm sure it's because of said exhausted stated above, and that I worry sometimes that once something is written down... it hurts the memory somehow. I can't really explain it. Like what if writing it down makes the memory less beautiful than what it really was. Or what if I can't write it down the way it happened and it's forever remembered wrong because of the way you read it. And of course I have this thing were I have a hard time finding happiness, and looking back at all the times that I was or am happy makes things worse when I'm feeling down or sad.

I know.
I'm crazy.
But I should write this down regardless of all the insanity.

I remember the first time I spoke to him on the phone. I'd just gotten off work, it was snowing outside and I texted the number he left. He called me a few seconds later and I remember thinking how attractive I thought his voice was. I didn't know what was going to happen. As far as I was concerned nothing really was. That's normally how these things go right? There's potential, maybe you see the person a few times, and then there's a falling out and you're left wondering what the hell happened. You get over it. Then the next "potential" happens. He was fishing with his friends which I thought was interesting because it was almost midnight. I guess that's a pretty normal thing but at the time I didn't know anything about fishing. We talked for a few minutes, he set a date up with me for the next day and I went to bed feeling good.

Our first date was alright. He was 10 minutes late and he didn't look at me very much. We played a couple rounds of pool at Logan Lanes and he asked a lot of questions about me. He helped me with my technique which I remember thinking was interesting and was flattered/confused when he told me that I "had a beautiful smile"-he hadn't looked at me all night so how could he possibly know what my smiled looked like? Right? After in the parking we stood talking for a few minutes he checked out my car which I thought was funny and he told me he had a motorcycle ( I found out later he was just trying to impress me, which may have worked if he'd taken me on a ride.. but it was winter lol). He gave me an awkward hug-again not really looking at me and I left feeling slightly confused, but not overly concerned about seeing him again.

He called the next day and wanted to go to a movie. He was 15 minutes late this time and came wearing fishing clothes. I don't remember what movie we saw-it didn't matter though we talked through a lot of it and afterwards I followed him in his car to his mechanic shop in Hyde Park. He showed me around and I remember my toes were freezing because I'd decided to go open-toed that night. We talked for a very long time. He told me his lifestory and eventually the night wrapped up and I headed home.

I thought about it. Then I decided that I should maybe show that I was slightly interested by inviting HIM to do something. It seemed appropriate for a 3rd date but I didn't have any money. I invited him over to my apartment to watch a movie. He came over. I remember he was wearing a puffy vest and my interest dipped a little. I can't really explain that except to say I hate puffy vests. I went back to my room to grab the movie and he followed me? I was kinda confused, and I think he confused himself because he said "I don't know why I followed you back here, I'll wait in the living room" I just laughed.

We watched "The Other Guys" on the lovesac in my living room. He put his arm around me then went in to kiss me. Chickened out. Then went for it again and I allowed him to succeed. I liked the kiss, but not the session that followed after. I remember telling my friend Joni that I thought he was so hott, he had perfect lips but as soon as we kissed it was over for me. Way to much and at that point I felt like all my interest was gone. "Suck" right?

It's hard to chronicalize the way the rest panned out. We saw each other everyday for 2 weeks and basically every day since then. I have fond memories here and there though I can't remember every single moment.

For the next couple of days I'm going to share one memorable moment I've had with Cristian. These things are important-freak-I need to get some pictures too. What's my problem anyways right?

The time he was trying to read the title of a show on TV "Ricochet" and he pronounced it "Reeko-chet". LOL. I laughed so hard and the best part was... that he did too :D

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