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.the last couple days have been absolutely madcapped.
I couldn't be more grateful.

First off, Heather's going away party.
Apples to Apples. [you can't go wrong with a good word game]
The most beautiful pink, green, and yellow cupcakes with sprinkles you've ever seen. [& probably some of the most unhealthy]. Chips. Dark Chocolate B.r.o.w.n.i.e.s. Water.
Smurf.
TrampTalk [kinda like HempTalk].
Embarrassing stories. [warm milk, ,wrapping things up, chapstick]
3 shooting stars.
And a whole lot of laughter. Of course.

We decided you can categorize guys&girls into a couple different categories.
Legit. Categories.

Guys:
the Kiss and Dismiss:
This is where they hang out with you long enough to get some mac&cheese, and then ditch you. Raise your hand if this has ever happened to you OR if you've ever done it... Yeah, that's what I thought.

the Hold Em' and Fold Em':
They hold your hand and... that's about it.
Rock..in..

the Hang Out to Make Out:
nough' said.

and.. Double Trouble:
Double dating made into an art.
No single dates.

We're thinking about some other categories but I think we covered the most important ones, and don't worry-we've got some for the ladies also.

the Kiss to Diss:
Yep.

In UT: the Flirt to Convert:
Come one, you know it's true.

the Lazy or Crazy:
This is a tough one. You're either TOO passive, and don't do enough to snaggle a man, or you're TOO overbearing, which scares the guy away.

I think there was one more, but I can't recall it at the moment. The point is, we had a really good time-and I'm going to miss Heather SO freaking much. MUCH.


Last night was a little wild too.
Fry night at apartment #12.
Karrie came with me last night. It was funny, I didn't realize how many people from SV were there, until Albert mentioned it and tried to get us all to sing our highschool song. What the heck. We had a little jam session, and the food was really good because I was STARVING, I got to see James and we decided to put together a little "crafternoon" (we're gonna make some shirts, paint, just be crafty crafty). Should be fun. Cliff jumping Saturday sometime.

ugh. I'm really excited about the next little while. Apartment. Comedy Show. Fishing. House to myself. Work. Cliff jumping. School. New Job possibly.


Sighs.
Things are feeling better.

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flickr.
{Fishing}
Never thought I'd see that happen.
I must be really trying to stretch things, feeling open to just about everything.
Yep.

I picked up a couple applications today, and tried to find an apartment I wanted to check out, and failed. (I'm geographically dyslexic-seriously) I'll try again tomorrow.
My family is going on vacation for a couple days so I'll have the whole house to myself-that will be NICE. And weird.

But I've decided to really push my work ethic to the grind this last month and a half of work(at the LAC). Working doubles and hours that I don't want to will be a part of it, but until I find another job I've got to milk this for ALLLLLLL it's worth.

80hoursoneverypaychecknomatterwhat.

Time to step things up a notch so, here we go!

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"When you take a step towards the Savior, he runs to you" -Erika

I couldn't face the world today. Just having one of those episodes ya know? I slept in crazy-insane late (most of that was due to a really awful night of um.. ZERO sleep), did some laundry, dug through my room again and pulled another huge, industrial-sized garbage bag of stuff out for [Somebody's Attic], then headed back to bed till' about 4pm. Brought in my laundry from off the line [i.love.that.sunshine.smell], played with some hemp and beads [thanks.Heather.], while listening to some tunes[blue.october.], slept some more...

I think when I begin to feel rejected in some way (any way?) I start to reject. I turned off my phone, and when I turned it back on didn't bother to get back to people that had text messaged me, called me, etc. I just said "screw it" in my head and turned it back off again.

Just an episode I suppose.
Things got better after I went running.

The inservice went well.
Work tomorrow to look forward to.
Moving out to look forward to.
......gosh.


believe it can be done.

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I just can't seem to get out of this.
No fire.
No motivation.
No inspiration.
I'm 80 years old and ready to die.

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Oh gosh, that time has come.




Moving out.

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{I've figured it out!}
You see because I've gone back and forth on this one billion times, the fact that things have been solid (in my mind) for awhile (meaning at MOST 3 weeks) says to me that something needs to be done, and done fast. That explains the frantic feeling, because while I KNOW that a change (in my mind) is inevitable, I don't want it to change to some kind of negative like:

I'm too frustrated.
I don't feel like me.
Man, I'm ugly.

Or a combination of any of those.

So you see, that's why I've been stressing. I'm so glad I GET that now, even though it does absolutely nothing to change the present panic. Knowing feels IS progressive regardless. It's been revolutionary. Freeing even. I had all these preconceived ideas and expectations about how I thought things should, would, could go? And now it's the opposite.

There's absolutely zero pressure. And I have zero expectations. Zero, zero, zero, zero.
I'll do my thing, he'll do his. And "what will be will be."

I'm sure he'll like that idea. Right? I mean, sure, I can see it sucking hard at some point in the future but.. whatever, I'm good with it for now and I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just gonna have fun, laugh a bunch, and have a great time doing what I do best-whatever that is.

In other news, I've lost another 2lbs, and more inches!
Woot!
3 around my hips!
1 around my waist!
1 around my thigh,
1 around my upper arm.
[6inches]

I mean, there's not much more I can lose before I start losing muscle too- and people, I'm 20 LBS AWAY FROM MY GOAL WEIGHT! I guess that's the wrong way to put it-how bout' this? If I lose 20 more lbs, I will be exactly where my body to fat ratio says I SHOULD be ( and that's not BMI-which is trash-in case you didn't already know ). I'm stoked, and it's totally doable and realistic between now and the end of the summer. Cake walk.

I.love.Patrick! Great personal trainer and I owe him...so much. He's taught me so much about variety, and goal setting, and he's always motivating me to be better- and he NOTICES my progress and takes special care to acknowledge that. And I'm grateful he does, even if no one else can see it because it's been so gradual. I should probably do something awesome for him, like get him a ten punch pass to the pool, movie tickets, or some kind of somethin' somethin' for being so freaking rad! I saw a picture of me that was taken right before I started to make some changes.

I almost burst into tears looking at it. I was so unhealthy, and sad, and just TIRED all the time. Now I have energy boozging (boo-zshing) out my brain, I'm so happy, I'm healthy, and I love my body and all it can do! It hasn't been a diet, it's been a lifestyle change and he's been an unchanging support.

Love.Him.

So for today:
I'm supposed to be making some kind of fruit pizza for the work party tonight.
I definitely need to spend some time with Sarah and see what the HECK has been going on.
At some point I'd certainly like a nap.
And that's honestly all I've got going on.

Good day. Good.Day.

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