107

Alright.
So I finally got my car. Exhibit A :
It's actually kinda weird owning a car that's exponentially sexier than I am. He gives me so much to try and up stand. If that makes any sense.
Yes. It's a 'he'. How could it not with all it's muscled and masculine features? Also his name is Oscar- because it fits, and also because he reminds me of my sexy 42 year old boss who ALSO answers to surname "Oscar".

Whatever. It's not what I wanted at all. But it's fine for now, especially for the deal I got on it. Only $4000 with on 70,000 miles on it. Standard shift. He gets 44 miles per gallon on the freeway and about 35 just in town. That's good enough for me! I thought I wouldn't be able to find a car that got such great output since Lucy (My older, yet still cute and forever esteemed 1988 323 Mazda. RIP)
Oh, and the best part is that this next year my daddy's friend (that does the whole buying and selling cars shin-dig) is going to keep searching for a Subaru- and as soon as he finds one with less miles on it I can just trade for no extra money. [[ he found a bunch for about that same price, but all of them had over 150,000 miles on them. Not worth it. I would be better off buying a brand spankin' new Subaru if that's the case.. but he's confident he can find something for me so... h00-spaz!]]

So it's fine for now. I totally needed my own wheels, and even though he's more attractive then I am, it doesn't matter a WHOLE lot because the window's are tinted. No one knows it's me so what does it matter right?! Heh. I'm still drooling over his beloved sound system. Oh Oscar. (Sighs)

So that's out of the way. I got 10 days off from all areas of employment for the family reunion in Texas. We leave tomorrow at 4:30am and the maiden voyage of Oscar begins. I'm anxious, and hoping that all goes well. You never can tell what's going to happen when the whole family gets together. Please let things be contention free and comfortable! Please!

When I get back I'm moving into BrentWood apartments which will be swa-eet and then it's back to 14 hour days until about [[[August]]] when I decide for reals about school. I'm trying to transfer down to the U, but things have been so crazy that I haven't really figured anything out. Ugh.

Tonight I have my first OFFICIAL date with Washington ( and I must also note here that it will be my first official date with a black man. For some reason this is a big deal for me. Whatevs )
And I've just realized how many people I know that have state names, or country names:

India London Tennessee Washington America

Alright. So not TOO many but... still. That's pretty interesting.

I'm trying hard to get into "relax" mode for the trip, but I keep thinking about all the things that I'll need to get down when I get back. I hope I can mellow out and be pleasant on this trip. There's just so much I could be getting done this next week but instead I'll be vaca-ing it up. Is this really such a good idea for me right now? Eurgh!! Anyways. I promised a classic photo from our "Office" party this past week. Here it is:

Pretty awesome right?
Yeah. We totally thought so.


So now....
We have to finish cleaning up our house, I need to vaccum out Oscar and pack up my things. Laundry, getting together food for the trip, fill up both cars... and like a billion other things.


More later!

106

Holy Snichke!

The last 3 days have changed my whole outlook on "the man" and the "American Dream". 3 jobs. 12-14 hour days this past week. And I thought I got Saturday off from all three places of employment.. to only find out tonight at about 10 pm that I have to guard (and vomit) tomorrow from 9-5pm, oh and did I mention that they want us to come in at 7:30 am to swim the Cooper? Yeah.....So there goes all my hopes and dreams for a non-job day this week. At least I'll have Sunday.. but it's not the same thing. You guys get it right? I haven't even had a chance to enjoy Summerfest, which is one of the grandest things this valley does in commemorations of art, music, and food. Sighs.

Napping. That's all I'm gonna be doing Sunday. That's not the point though! I wanted to discuss what's happened this past week- not my future!! Because it feels like so much and I'm busting to.. get this out of my system.

Working at Elements is more fun than I planned on it being. I dunno. I've worked in a kitchen before and (again) I don't know. I was worried about having weird flashbacks (not to say that it HASN'T happened)... but I just wasn't sure how things would play out. Turns out I can pretty much do what I want as long as I cook, prepare, and sauce up everything that I need to and in a timely manner. I've got my own set of classy knives that will last me...well it's a lifetime garauntee so.. va-bam! I can listen to my music all day long- as long as I can hear when people are yelling my name (this is pretty easy to do). And I'm learning how to cook which I've been trying to do for quite some time.

It's fun. I'm even learning some Espaniol! Because more than 1/2 the employees are Hispanic. It was comical my first day there when everyone started yammering spanish to me and all I could say was.. "Uh?" It's pretty fun. Not all of them are married, but the vast majority are. It doesn't matter- the way they flirt with me I feel like I'm having an affair with like... 15 men all at the same time (Can any of YOU beat that? Didn't think so). But it's innocent and hilarious so I don't feel to bad. Oscar, Fernando, Dustin, Zacharias, .. oh goodness.

Oscar is hot.
He's also 42 which is .... unfortunate but not really that important.... heh.. Is it wierd that I fantasize about a 42 year old Mexican man? I don't care, it's not like I can help it (especially when I'm making Teriyaki sauce.. which JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE MY FANTASY FOOD!). He's just.. there.
But hot dang (MEGGAE)! I'd "cha-cha" with him any day! Bah! Just kidding kids.. but slightly not really.
It was pretty overwhelming when we sat and chit chatted in the walk-in-freaking-freezer.
(Wistie....)

Anyways. I'm learning how to make heaps of stuff, and picking up some spanish, and I'm making friends, and I have this expensive yet classy set of knives- and Oscar.
I'm also getting a car. finally. Having someone drive me everywhere was starting to get a little lame ( alot lame). It's not a Subaru and although I am terribly 'sadfaced" about this.. it's alright. It's a 2002 Hatchback Saturn 3-door. I don't know anything about Saturns. But it's black interior & exterior.. 40 miles per gallon, light weight and fuel efficient, standard, [[[[[FANTASTIC]]]]] sound system which was the clencher.. and uh.. yeah. It's just be good to have my own set of wheels to get me to and fro. Ya know? Bah! Rhyming!!

I really miss Emily, even though we've been texting more than.. usual? I don't know actually.. Just thought I'd throw that in there. Speaking of Em, she totally missed out bangin' Office party which was.. one of the best parties I've ever gone to/thrown/slash uh? Classic photo to soon be posted. We ate Chinese, watched our favorite episodes, ate jello and mixed berry yogurt, did a cross word puzzle and of course the number of times we used That's what she said" and busted up were inumberable. Pretty amazing, and I totally needed it. Maybe not being with everyone so much as just laughing.
Ah yeah. Laughing.

Things with Mike are done. :D :D :D :D :D And I'm not setting foot (or arm, or thigh, or ear) in that arena ever again. And I don't feel upset about that as much as I just feel squirmy about the way that he treated... and is still treating me. Like how he thinks that just because I'm being abnormally patient with him that he can just walk all over me and be reckless with my feelings. Be some kind of 2nd alternate and think I'm cool with it. I've been thinking about things alot the past couple of nights. There's been a waterfall of tears.. not for him. Or for the situation necessarily.. but just because....
A lots happened with my friends, and family. And life isn't fair-as is ALWAYS the case. And I guess I keep thinking that one day it will be.. but really. I can't explain it. I'm not really sad per sey, or upset at all.... I'm just coming to terms and I'm happy.
Tears of understanding. I think that's the best way I can describe it.
So.. there.
Anyway. I'm cool with it and I feel good about my decisions. And the way I handled things. How patient I was. How honest I was. There's no regrets on this end and that's the most I hope for in every relationship I ever have so. Mission Accomplished.

I'm leaving for Texas on Monday. My new cars maiden voyage. It's going to be pretty sweet. And it'll be good to fly the coop and get AWAY from everything and everyone here. yeah. It'll be good to be in the HEAT (105 degrees down there right now!) and to sweat! I'm super excited.
Work at the pool is comical as ever. I'm so glad that Thomas is there or I might just punch myself in the head with a screw driver so.. that's pretty sweet! Bailey came today. Silly kid.
It's fun. I love people watching.

Sara Fisher called me today! I'm so excited to talk to her, and I'm talking to Gina about coming to visit her in Korea for a week in August.. so that should be tight. Still don't know if I'm going to school in fall though I'm signed up. I might move away, just for some space.. to many hurt feelings in the valley I think. And I never thought of it that way until I talked to Marshal. We're so similar. And I feel exactly the same way he does... so maybe a move would be a good thing.
We'll see right? There's so much coming up in the future and so many things to plan for.



I hope I can keep up.
:D


That was nowhere near all that I had to say... butIcan'teventhinkanymore. :D

105

..... It's been a long week. Once I regain my strength and find time to update, then I will. :(

104

My eye is dry and itchy.
It's bugging me.

Later
9:34 pm

Wow. It's been one of those days.
I just realized how much I need to pay for this coming fall.

Housing up on campus = Around $1800
Lap top= $1500
Tuition=$1400

And that's not counting (1234) all the in between stuff like food, clubs {academic clubs, not clubbin'), and f.U.n.

Wow-ZER.
I really need to get my show on the road.
Time to put my nose to the grinder and start pumping out some hours.
I've been holding back-I think-because I KNOW just how much I'm going to have to work this summer. I need to be putting in 80 hr weeks- more so since Elements does overtime.

And I start tomorrow. My first 12 hour day. And the first of many.
(And just so no one gets confused- I know I am EXTREMELY blessed to have a job. To have 2 jobs)

I guess it's worth it if I can fund everything in the fall and only have to work part time during school..
Still.. $5000 isn't petty cash. At least not for me. I have about 1/2 that now (in liquid assests), so I should be more than set if I just bust it out this summer. I'm dreading it though. Thoroughly. Completely. I still need to FIND housing. I still need to get to work on figuring out which Mac laptop I want. And I need to make sure I've got all the classes that I need (I'm sure I do, but I'd like to squeeze in as many as possible) for this coming fall. The car situation is out the door for now, since if I'm living up on campus- or close to it- then I'll only need my bike and the blessed public transportation. I really hope that things work out.

Mom: "I really thought we'd be throwing a wedding in December"
As much as YOU thought that mom.. it's nothing to what I felt. Thanks for making me feel that much worse.

It's time to do something different. And I think moving away- even if it's only 10 or so miles away will do wonders for me. And now that I've finally come to terms with Sarah's lack of comittment I feel quite footloose and fancy free.

Just wish I would have realized it for what it was earlier.
Hot dang! (Dah! MEggae REggae!)

"the Office" party Thursday night ( I need to figure out how to make a jello dome? Oh and get Nicole's stapler from her)
Need to purchase knives from Mike ( since I need my own for work)
Set hours at Aquatic Center
Look for housing
Laptops
School/Tuition/Books/Clubs
Schedule for the Temple




I remember when things.. weren't like this.
I totally took them for granted.

103

Rainy day+boredom= paint.

That was the equation for yesterday's past time. I haven't done something that high jinxed or spontaneous in ages. I've missed it. I don't know. I mean I've got some pretty adventurous chums here, but I've found that I have so much more enjoyment when things are unexpected. And I can't HELP but to think of Emily when the word "unexpected" pops into my head. (Emily. I hope you read this- and hee-haw....heartily). It just seems like we involved in that level of baffoonery all the time- taking all of Matt's clothes (poor kid :P), drug run at 2 in the morning for Nicole in the BIG city and her merciless cold, when we went up and down Green Canyon blasting that beat with the trumpet (can't remember the name) like..8-9 times, I could go on. It's an exceptional list.

Anyways. I needed it.
Especially because I went on the dreaded first date with Mike last night.
The way that it began paralleled our last date before he left on a mission. Senior Prom. Pretty big deal right. WDE {Worst Day Ever or Worst Date Ever}. He was 30 minutes late picking me up for that- and 30 minutes late picking me up for this date. And that was only the beginning.

I didn't realize, until Talisa and my mom said something. And then we all laughed. Hard.
It was alright. It wasa relief and comfort to me also be going with Nicole and Clayton. And before I left I prayed that I could be myself, and find my way within this particular company.
We went to the China Bistro ( Black Pearl) which had OUTSTANDING food. They orded Sushi, and Mongolian Beef ( I was worried for a sec. I won't lie) but then, upon discovering that Clayton may be just as wierd as me { I take great pleasure in this discovery} we ordered some chicken. Family style baby! It was great! I told some pretty sweet lifeguarding stories, Mike and Clayton entertained us by quoting lines from "South Park", and Nicole snorted. All in all, a pretty memorable dinner with lots of laughing in between. And I became the running joke when I ate all the broccoli. I just like my veggies- sue me! But it was comical.

We headed back to Nicole's apartment to change into togs {swim suits} before going hot-tub-bubbing. Marshal was there! I haven't seen him for a couple months and for some reason I'd thought he'd already left for Alaska! But there he was, and Emily came to. So all 6 of us piled into jets {cars :(} and sped down to Oak Meadows (or where ever) to swim. It was wet! Perfect temperature outside and in the water to make it pretty enjoyable. I hate it when the combination doesn't work well. And you're either too hot, or not hot enough.

Equillibrium was achieved however. :D

We played "Hands up, Stands up".
Marshal: "So.. do you want us in a row?"
Bah ha ha hahhahahaha! And then the boys made a pyramid.
Mike and Marshal raced.
First Marshal won, and then Mike.
And then Marshal told us about how he used to be a cheerleader (???).
Marshal and Clayton played "Seals"- which means that they acted like seals for awhile.
Nicole swallowed her gum on accident.
Emily told me about her job and Mike did a back somersault in the hot tub and almost hit this girl in the face. It was funny.
We saw 2 bandits from our highschool come in. They sat in the hot tub with us, but kept their distance (this was good) and soon after that we left. { Seeing people from highschool, that you just NEVER want to see again always puts a damper on things- for me anyways}. But it was time to rent a movie. Now... you have to understand. I can't sit still for that long. I'd been at work, sitting all day. And then dinner we sat. The hot tub we sat.. I knew I wasn't going to last another 2 hours of sitting without falling asleep or getting cranky.

I expressed this in secret to Nicole while the boys were in Hollywood video. She agreed but we couldn't see a way out of it. And then a miracle happened! They didn't have the movie!
Instead we journeyed back, changed, played the "Phonebook Game"- which I didn't realize was the "Hanger Game" in disguise. And then watched a couple episodes of [[["the Office"]]].
Mike has never seen it. And I took it as a personal offense. I might've been embarrassed but everyone else felt the same.
We are all die-hard Office fans. And it's almost unacceptable to hang out with us if you haven't seen it. Maybe not unacceptable- but since we quote it consistently, and relate everything back to it- you'd probably feel like an idiot hanging out with us if you didn't know what we were talking about.

So we took some time to educate him.
And then finally I got home. I was exhausted. It was fine.

"It wasn't a love connection. The next time I like someone I think I'll just know."

102

(Thailand)

(Guatemala)

I just want to get out of here.

(Australia)

(Italy)

101

First kiss vs First GOOD kiss?

This was the topic of the last conversation I was involved in. With Nicole Amy. Just barely. It was actually pretty sweet to compare, so.. I thought I'd do that for all of you here {and for myself, since this is why I update}. Those of you that just.. don't want to know- please feel free to --skip-- this entire entry. I won't be offended {but only because I'll never know :D}

Ha ha! My first kiss is certainly something I would have "written home about", if...I hadn't been at home when it happened.. But NOT because it was foot-popping , breath-taking, heart -squa-eezing delicious! Mostly it was embarrassing, uncomfortable, and absolutely [[mortifying]] in every sense of the word. And more. Please bear with me as I recount this horrendous tale. Shivers.:

I was 17 years old. And stupid. 2 months away from being the BIG 18. And stupid. It was my first official "boyfriend"-gag me-. The name isn't important just know that it was a boy, who was 17 years old. And stupid. 1 month away from being the BIG 18. M&H {Me and he} had a tradition of taking drives up the beautiful and winding Smithfield canyon. It was freezing. I remember that. And nightime. I remember shivering as we fished & failed miserably for something to chit chat about because oddly enough, we were still in the "awkward stage" aka "Let's all feel young and retarded for a while, sound good!?". I remembered we talked about the frost building up on the windows, and the reason it was so cold was because we had to put the windows DOWN {by hand} to try and see the slick icy road. Once we came back down the canyon we cruised around the neighborhood, just commenting on the Christmas lights that were still up here and there, the weather, how it was night, the frost on the window, when all of a sudden he pulls the car over like a CMM (crazy mad man). I was literally thrust into the locked seatbelt. Whip lash, seatbelt burn on my neck. The works. Ouch.
Wait.
The surrounding is important. We were on this shady backroad. Shady-back-dirt-scary-road. Trees suffocating the view to my right, and an ugly cement/gravel/pebble industrial plant to my left. The lights were flourescent white and blinding, the music was off {why why why why why??}, I felt claustrophobic- because the windows were now up, and I couldn't see out of the fogginess. And I looked at him {I'm sure} like he was insane. He doesn't say...anything- and I'm to shocked about what just happened, or maybe it's because I feel like part of my esophogas has been pushed inwardly-oh and lash burned-, to say anything either.. and then..

"Can....I kiss you?"

sidenote- asking CAN be cute. It can I tell you! But there are times when.. it's just not... I couldn't catch a break {of course} so obviously this was one of those times where it's anything BUT adorable.

"I guess" [what else am I going to say?]
"On.. the lips?"
"Uh... ok" [is this some kind of sick joke?]
"Ok, hold on while I put on some chapstick"

Triple "woah"!!WHAT?! So many things raced through my stupid 17 year old brain at this horrifying comment. Things like "What the "h"?", "Will he notice if I leap out the door" "What am I supposed to do, tweedle my freezing thumbs?" "Oh, sweet mercy SAVE me! SAVE ME!!!"

Uh. So after THAT'S finished (he took an incredibly long time to moisturize his kisser which doubled the already excruciating discomfort), he takes my face in his hands, they are cold, leans in, and plants one chapstick overloaded kiss on my freezing lips. And then after a sigh and an impish grin he finishes off this ill escapade with a : "Wow, that wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be."

Alright. Now I know that MOST people's first kiss stories are pretty shocking. Awkward. Gross. A let down. Humiliating, etc etc. However, I am proud (and so relieved) to say that I can jump into that category with flying colors. And relief. Did I mention I was relieved?!?! Screw all of you that "say" you had amazing first kisses!! I don't believe it for a second. Not one. 1. won.

After this.. doom... I swore that I would never kiss anyone. Ever again. I'm glad (now) that I didn't stick with my convictions. But thank goodness that happened- and more importantly that it's over- because no merging of lips.. .not one will ever top my first in the "uncomfortable" file in New York.
I mean, the only way you can go from there is up. Quite literally. And this is good.

Just writing it I feel like I'm back in that wintery stiff seat, blushing ridiculously because I'm so annoyed and frustrated, and I simply can't BELIEVE that my first liplock was going to happen THIS way.
I'm hoping that by writing it down, it will serve some sort of theraputic purpose.....
....right. That would be TOO easy.

On to happier things. MUCH happier things.

My first GOOD smooch-eroosie!
Sighs.
It's untouchable. Thus far. And "wowzer" to anyone that end ups topping it.
I was 20. And stupid {that part hasn't changed at all}. BDG!! Can you believe that I had to wait another 3 years until I had a good kiss? Incredible. Unfortunate. But... actually worth it. Hmm. :D

Alright. The story leading up to this monumental, and life changing moment in the life of me is absolutley crucial.
It had been a bad day. When I say "bad" I mean: my worst. Hands down. Undeniably. Intolerably. Completley. WDE {Worst Day Ever}. I was a full throttle, PTTM {pedal to the metal}, victim of Murphy's-blasted-Law. Everything was in shambles. For me. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. Anything with a "ally" as the suffix. You name it. In absolute shamblizzles. I finished off work, crying silent tears of rage, frustration, exhaustion, and.....happiness because it was over. I remember getting inside and rushing to the blessed shower. Every hot bead of water that beat against my skin.. cleansed, soothed, and invigorated. The steam swirled like magic around my head, my hair coiled slowly up in soft raven ringlets around my face, and the moisture, beaded on my face, washed away my hair pin headache and eye brow brick weights.

For how long I..indulged in this.. I know not. Except that it wasn't long enough. Is it ever? Hugging my towel around me I struggled to quickly get dressed. It was a little brisk. Ok. Very brisk. I dressed, and was crosslegged, warm and snug on my bed when the tap that I'd been awaiting.. came. Of course it was him. {Again, no names- just know it was a man}. We took a little stroll through the evening, small comments about work, "he said-she said" gossip, nothing too significant. It was just nice to be out & away from everything and everyone. I remember that.

We tip-toed a little further into the condensed "pm", until we were far enough away from everything that there wasn't any light. Just the memorization of the surrounding areas. So we hop-scotched through the obstacles. Until we came to "our" tree. It was an exceptional tree. Even in the dark. Big. Tall. Branches. Secluded. There was a nice patch of grass at the base that was... convenient.
We'd been here before, but for other purposes entirely. And nothing even close to this nature. And then... it happened. He placed his beautiful bronze hands on my {now} trembling shoulders and pushed my back into the tree. I remember it was a nice fit. :) For a second or 2 he just held me there. I remember marveling at his beautiful dark curls, and big brown eyes, and then very decisively pressed his lips into mine. I won't go on, but I will say that it was the first time I'd been kissed by someone that knew how to kiss me. And also that all the stress from my horrific day melted away into... contentment. And uh... I went to sleep smiling pretty big that night.
And the next day the grin hadn't disappeared.

What a difference. I mean, it was obvious he had experience. And up until this point I'd always been sorta fussy about that. I wasn't particularly sure if I wanted to kiss someone that had had tons of experience kissing OTHER girls.. I'd always kind wanted to be the first. My mind changed within those first couple minutes of THIS event.

This experience was so much better.
Hm.


That was awesome.



I believe in the merging of lips.
This I believe.

(100) one bee boppin' hundred!

First of all- my siblings + daddy jetted off this morning for California. Without. Me. I didn't think I would mind t00 much, because of work and other pressing obligations; I mean.. blessings & opportunities. [being an "adult" is pretty wiz-wackin'' lame sometimes], but that was before I discovered they were going to Disney Land. Without. Me!! It felt like being stamped in the gut with a couple {3-4} serrated knives, and then after the excruciating twist and pull- OR twist and shout (either are applicable)-, turning around to find out that the razor sharp edges had been laced with arsenic that won't kick into affect until years later. Ya know, about the time that I've been married and maybe have had my 1st little tyke. Career going strong and all my hopes and dreams an actual reality.....

Yeah.
I'm missing out on Earth's "happiest place". Sidelined again!

But this is my 100th log! And I've been meditating about a UOF (unique or fun) way to commemorate this entry. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened today- and my imagination feels as though it's been shot, then shot again. (So no fabricated tale from "ms. thang"- I wish not only myself used this placebo surname).

I think we all knew there was going to be some sort of litany involved. And so.

100 Things That Are ACTUALLY Cool:

1. Venus Fly Traps {ps. I just fed mine a lil' smokie! Ah yeah!}
2. Any stick shift automobile {R.I.P. Lucy}
3. Slider cell phones, or cell phones with keyboards!
4. The word : Bodacious
5. Spontinaety and the good times that roll
6. Wallace and Gromit episodes
7. Tarping
8. Making out in [[[forbidden]]] places: Boys dorm, walk-in freezer, etc
9. Sporks
10. The American West Heritage Center [first job ever]
11. Honking and waving the OTHER way
12. Jellies {the shoes}
13. Overalls :D
14. Linda Tillery and the Cultural Heritage Choir [[check em' out]]
15. Sugarfree Cherry Snowcones from the Rainbow Shack- thank you Talisa for snagglin' the employment
16. USU's Art Department & displays
17. Calvin and Hobbes & Dilbert
18. Grapefruit
19. Smithfield's Plant a Tree Committee
20. Lava lamps, 80's shoelaces, and glow in the dark stick ons
21. Dr. Seuss
22. Anything Apple. {Mac's, Ipods, etc} More specifically (PRODUCT RED)
23. The Office & The Cosby Show
24. Record players
25. Thunder, lightening, rain, wind {aka Storms}
26. Dannaluccata Sicily
27. Pin cameras
28. Yoga
29. Chocolate
30. Engineers WithOut Borders and VIDA
31. Um. Earth.
32. Genealogy, Family History, etc
33. Air conditioning, in-floor heating
34. The 1969 Conspiracy involving the Moon
35. Old people
36. National Geographic
37. American Entertainment {movies and music}
38. Bob sledding
39. Bows and Arrows
40. Fiber Optic Grass
41. Holograms
42.Parachuting, Sky Diving, Free falling, etc
43.Ha! Wall paper
44. Need I say more?

45. The Electric Violin
46. Braces & glasses
47. Smart cars and Subaru's
48. Gardening and conserving
49. Night goggles, Walkie-talkies, Bullet Proof Vests, etc
50. Mary Kate and Ashely Olsen movies
51. The Westing Game
52. The names: Sebastien, Atticus, Turtle and Adia
53. Whistling and skipping rocks
54. Hitch hiking
55. Sitdiary.net
56. Federal Ave. and Penny Lane
57. Mustard
58. Double takes and Inside jokes
59. Oceans and the life in them
60. Flying
61. Normal toothbrushes {screw the electric!}
62. Anything handmade
63. AMUWAN {Acronymns, made-up words, and nonsense}
64. Instant Photo Kiosks
65. The song "Pizza Day" by the Aquabats
66. Heber City Utah
67. Gleeking (sp?) {and then pretending you didn't}
68. Bowling shoes and of course, bowling
69. Word and/or Trivia games
70. Brussel Sprouts and History {for some reason they just GO together}
71. Summerfest
72. The Albequerque Hot Air Balloon Festival {wahoo! I'm going this year!}
73. Silly Putty and Gack
74. Farmers Market!!!
75. Pod Casting
76. Urban Dictionary
77. The Sunday Drum Circle
78. Rocky Votolato {he's another guy to check out}
79. Gerald Holtom {and another..}
80. Vaccinations
81. Karalee flowers
82. the White Rollercoaster at Lagoon
83. Fun facts about anything and everything
84. Not expecting to, but getting off work early
85. Road trippin' with no real plan in mind
86. Late night giggle sessions
87. Instant mashed potatoes
88. Puppies that are thrilled when you come home, even if you've only been gone for about 5 min...
89. the Multicultural Club up on campus
90. Using quotes from movies in real life situations, conversations, or confrontations :D
91. Sunglasses and dreadlocks
92. the Kiabab squirrel
93. N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys, and 98 Degrees {but N' Sync rule}
94. The word : Prudent
95. Water Bears {if you don't know what these are- find out}
96. Inverted numbers, palindromes, and oxymorons
97. Thermodynamics
98. Going barefoot
99. Real life madlibs
100. Making lists



:) I can't wait till entry # 200.

99

Oh my TALKING GRAVY! 99! Wowzer, tomorrow something jaw-dropping jiddy better happen. If not expect a total lie of a tale fabricated by my unceasingly and totally audacious creativity and imagination. Va- bam!

Alright, so I wiz-waltzed down my stairs, just hummin' a ba-jangin' tune from some musical that I can't for the LIFE of me remember. Around the corner and into the kitchen. There, sitting at our kitchen counter, eating string cheese and chattin' it up with my madre (sp?) was David Manning.
Um? WHAT?!


TBC..

Well turns out, there isn't to much to tell after all. He was Vala-something for my highschool, then went off to Brown University. Now he's back- and a hippie. It's pretty freaking sweet if I do so say myself.

In other news (what other news?) nothing of consequence happened at all. I had my first day of work which was actually quite funny. I love people watching, and we've got some winners here in CV. It's pretty hilarious. I'm such a bad lifeguard- because there are only 2 reasons that I do it- the money is ridiculous, and laughing at people all day long is something that I thoroughly enjoy.


If only people knew. Don't worry- I've got some pretty classy pictures to show you what I'm dealing with. All those that care. :D

Summer Loves

Going barefoot, music, tan lines, butterflies, strawberries from the garden, the endless sunshine, hot sticky asphalt, bumpy canyon bike rides, campfire quiet time, friends, running in the dead heat of the day & sweat, love, wind, thunder, storms, rain, GREEN, bird feathers, soft or crunchy sand, lakes/ocean, open windows and doors, sleeping with just a sheet, floating cotton, raspberry shakes, river, tubing, evening walks, natural highlights, perfume, picnics, BBQ's, road trips, humidity, dead plants {I've got quite the collections}, crickets a'chirpin', gardening, grapes off the vine, no screens!, bouldering, the canines, sugar-free cherry snowcones, summerfest, willow park, photography, cliff jumping, kiaking, canoeing, boating, anything, shorts, grass, midnight movies, sunsets {but better yet, sunrises}, mountains, first dam, 2nd dam, upper 2nd dam, 3rd dam :P, motorcycles, dune buggies, chocos, lotion, chapstick, sunscreen, cold showers, community service, concerts in the park, reunions, grapefruit {ok, this isn't just summertime}, curly hair, shells, sandcastles, wave runners, cabin, SandLot, Muppet Treasure Island, geo-caching, tree climbing, hummingbirds, bees, Loch Ness, caves, sunglasses, traffic....TBC

___________________
Alright. This is being continued, {Please applaud for the obvious} but in a very different way then what even I expected.

I went for a drive tonight through the Valley. It's beautiful of course, with all it's scenic viewpoints, the temple standing tall upon the hill, dark clouds rolling in from the north and a pleasant breeze cooling off the earth. Traffic was light and the car ran smoothly. I stared out the open window and found myself pondering the past. It happens frequently, but this time {just like every time} I gleaned something different from it.
My mind wandered back to High School. There aren't any fond memories of the schooling part. And I've done my best to leave behind and forget....everything. However, I can remember some humorous moments with my friends, but for the most part the swim team shaped my life and defined who I was. I'm not saying it was a bad thing. I learned confidence, how to work as a team, how to be an effective friend, how to forgive and love others- but more importantly- to do those very things for myself. I made friends within that circle that will last a lifetime.
If I could go back and change things, of course I would. But I wouldn't change any of the things that I previously mentioned.
It's taken a long time to come to the conclusion that I'm about to unveil. To myself.

I'm so alone. Not in the sense that I don't have friends or family. I have plenty of that, and I find so my joy within them. All of my tip-top experiences bud from them. But I'm alone regarding my personality, my wants and desires, dreams and goals. I wish that instead of allowing swimming decide for me who my friends would be- and who wouldn't- that I would have gone out of my way to find chums that truly enjoyed doing similar things that I do. People that had familiar interests outside of the athletic world that we were all absorbed in- because upon analyzing this I've realized that I had countless ideas and theories about how my life would be post graduation.
I had this picture canvased in my mind of me and my comrades traveling the globe, moving out and going to college, dating, working, etc.

And upon reflection I've done most, if not all of those things on my own.
No one really DOES want to travel with me {of my friends}- the # of times that people have bailed out, or not taken seriously my dreams proves that quite unfortunately. Especially Sarah Lynne. And that's hard because I feel like I've supported and pushed her to do everything that she's ever wanted to. I've tried so hard to not let her feel limited, or out of reach of.. anything.
I wanted that. For me.
{Guido, I miss you so much that I could cry. I am. Why did you have to go? The plastic bag has been slowly creeping back over my face since you left and I don't feel as though my potential is limitless anymore. I need to have more faith. I need to rely more upon my Lord and Savior- but you were so good for me. And I just want to thank you for always making me feel like I could do ANYTHING. I love you}

I'm not mad, but I do have to write down that I'm sad faced. That things haven't gone for me the way that I planned. Again, I'm not upset about how things have unfolded. Turns out I needed those travel experiences to prove certain things to me. I took that job because it was right for ME to take it. I do the things I do because I ENJOY them. But all those experiences were extremely lonely times for me. Wandering the streets of Italy and Sicily with no one to share it with. Going to Guatemala and being isolated in my passion for it. To this day I haven't found anyone that understands me when I talk about what was going through my head, how I felt so empowered, yet so enraged. And how I was able to keep my cool, when so many other things were falling to pieces. My relationship with Guido. Nothing can touch that, and therefore I have no one to converse with me about that kind of love, the heartache, the closeness, the distance. Because I experienced that alone. He wasn't a part of my CV friends. He was a part of me. And me alone. My family couldn't even understand, as much as I'm sure they wanted to. I would have died for him. It was [[heaven]], but now that it's over... I'm alone in that as well. Because no one I know has ever known what true love feels like- even if it's not the best. I'm not sad that it's over, I'm merely happy that it happened. The thing about it was that he taught me to live with no regrets- so I did. With him. And that's why this was so easy. Because there was nothing else I could do, because I'd already done it all. It's my best experience. In my life.

When I went to Arizona- the loneliest couple months of my life- because no one could relate to me at home, and then no one could do that for me at JLI. I don't regret any of it- but I never found anyone {Except Meggae Reggae} that I could.. be understood by. Completley, and without flaw.
And then I came home and no one understood what it was like to be away from home for so long, living with 30 girls and crazy managers. And they didn't understand how I changed.

After that came Australia- and no one I know, understands how it feels to have no family. Here. No cousins, or grandparents, aunts, uncles, neices, nephews, nothing. We are cut off. And my Uncle doesn't even write to me anymore. Having no family has been so hard. Only recently. And with Jasmin in Texas, and Toby in North Carolina I don't even have a good connection with my immediate family.

Thailand. It won't matter how detailed I explain that trip- no one will have that experience. And no one will be able to relate. To be the only one of your religion, to have to defend your beliefs, and not only that but your country (??), while serving in a foreign country. It was a struggle in a way that I still don't understand. And it wasn't as good a trip as Guatemala and I don't understand why. Because there were problems there also, but I was to detached from them to care.


I'm making it sound horrible. It's not, just nothing has gone the way that I truly thought it would. And I wonder what would have changed if I'd found people that more clearly puzzle pieced my personality, people that the bond went further then swim team. I love & adore the friends that I have, and the family that I have- maybe it was my fault, or maybe it was everyone elses, but I think I know that it was both.

And there's nothing I can do about the way things have played out except acknowledge the struggles, the lessons that I gleaned from them, and keep going with my life.
I feel so held back unceasingly, but when I break free I'm filled with loneliness that I can't change. The friends that I have won't change- it's personalities. You get it. But I guess I can change myself to more suit my personality, which will in turn lead me to those that have a better grasp, understanding, and love for me that I want to believe I deserve.


I felt sad for all the times that no one thought I could anything. For all the times that everyone scoffed, or planned and bailed. Flaked, fled, refused, cut off at the knees. But I'm glad for all the things that no one held me back from despite ALL of that. My travels, schooling, relationships, pursuits, dreams, hobbies, and aspirations, etc.


But I'm happy that I realized this, and that because of it I can make the most of the rest of my life. And what a wonderful life I plan on making it! :D
This is a glass winged butterfly- in case anyone wanted to know.

97

Someone {someone evil} has taped 2 invisible weighty bricks to my eyebrows, oh and mercilessly shoved everything that I'm deathly allergic to uP my sensitive nostrils. {i.e. pollen, dust, carrot juice, grass, and dandelions}

Drove around today looking at Subaru's. The one that I was planning on purchasing got a higher bid and I can't top it (Dag yo!). It's alright, but it just means cruising around some more to find a different one. I figured I'd spend most of my time down on the Island since if you live down there, chances are you're more affluent then anywhere else in the blessed Valley.

Tons and heaps, and loads of Subaru's, but none with a flashy red "For Sale" sign, or a number scrawled in "glass marker" all over the back window's. It was actually pretty disappointing. Tomorrow I'll take another b-bash at it. One might ask why I'm being so picky- Maybe because it makes more sense to me, to aquire something might be a little MMW _more money wise_ that will accomadate what I enjoy doing, which includes a hecka' ton {what a poorly constructed sentence} of camping, biking, hiking, canoeing, kiaking, snowboarding, etc. And I want something big enough, but [[[fuel efficient]]]. With a safari rack {excitment jibblies!} to hold all those things and 4WD with enough room in the back for other things. And the only models that fit those descriptions are Subaru's and Mazda's.

And I'm more likely to find a slightly older model of a Subaru in good condition, then I am to find a Mazda. So there. That's my reasoning. My neighbor has a red one that I need to head over and look at. I'm feel exhausted, but it's only these blasted allergies.

So for now I'm going to get some lunch {What do I feel like eating?}, take over the world, find some allergy meds {please let there be some dwelling in the cabinet}, aquire a billion dollars, take a nap? And just read/relax.

I'm ready for the part where I feel like my life has a point.

96

Why is MY van better than my neighbors??

Because it's currently accessorized with this dishy chiffer! {And I must include the fact that's it's clearly BODACIOUS} It's not a kiak- which secretly-or not so secretly- is what I prefer, but this doesn't hit to far off the mark. Sweetly sublime, the last couple of days have been full of childlike jeepers as we've taken the "Chimmy 2" out on the dam ( I mean... 7 SEAS!) and dominated.

Dam! We love dam jokes. It's been a recherché couple of afternoons. We paddled at attack speed to shimmy up along side the family of Canadian Geese and their chitlins {the mama hissed furiously at us, but instead of making us afraid we just laughed. Silly mama), surfed the algae fields (I'm sure Robyn was a'freakin' out. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU TOUCH THAT! No! don't touch ME with it!}, rocked the boat {this reminds me when I used to ride a bus to school, there was always the chubby kid that got on somewhere in the middle- you wouldn't have to look up to know who had just jostled the automobile. Oh and then I turned into that fat kid so... that's what you get I suppse :D), and bashed through that current like nobody's business-and even he was surprised. :D. Next time we'll aquire kiak's for snizzle {snot and shiz.le}, and then we can race! Cut Throat Cabin Boy Chelsea vs Captain Kid. Don't miss it, or be shish-ka-pirate-bobbed!© (sp? :/)

In other news, my employment at the greenhouse has finished. I feel like shoving my body recklessly down a razor slide that connects to a pool brimming with freshly squeezed lemon juice. And then after showering to get all the sting out, and drying off-being forced to pour sea salt into all the open fleshy wounds. Just kidding! It IS pretty languishing. Truly, I'm sick at heart. This last couple of months have been bursting with learning{ aka playing}, and new friends{ aka making fun of people}, and strong arms muscles { aka.. wait no, this part is true}, and HHH {humid hot houses} and boy, has it been phenomenal!! BBQ (Babies Barfing Quails) at Crystal's on the 6th though- so at least I'll get to see everyone once more before we all pop our own eyes out, seperate, move, or find something else to keep rackin' in the benjamins. {Been jammin'!}

In happier news I start guarding this week. There's a part of me that is disgusted {vomits} for going back. I can't explain that here. However it's relieving to have put forth the work and effort to secure a job for myself post Rudies. It could have been anywhere I guess, but I refuse {refuse I tell you again!} to work indoors during our famous summers. It just wouldn't sit well with me- as far as my values and standards. Just as thigns like hot dogs, mango's, and corned beef don't sit well with my values and standards.